BFM #23

Posted on July 29, 2004

Dateline: PHILADELPHIA 29 July, 2004 A young woman was interrogated by police tonight, having been spotted engaged in suspicious activity in Center City this evening.

Yes, the BFM met again, at McGillan’s this week, home of Free Beer Tomorrow, and Just-wishin’-she-could-join-us-Liz, our lovely waitperson. With our bags and the extra flour safely stored, the pack of regulars, visitors, and adventurous virgins swarmed outside to draw straws from Rash’s grasp. In keeping with the new karma, she was left with the short straw and promptly dropped the bag o’ blue scary substance, spilling measurable quantities of the contents. After the clean-up committee (MasterBaster and Drag Queen) did their work, she was off like a bunny.

We waited at least four and a half minutes before beginning hot pursuit. Our hare was again a sneaky varmint changing sides of the street and direction at her whim. A big circle jerk around a nearby parking lot brought the pack together about a block from our start. Several turns and checks later the pack was divided into the FRBs and the DFLs - myself, Just Maygan, and Just Tyler, who was r*nning without benefit of sneakers or even socks.

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BFM #22

Posted on July 22, 2004

22 July 2004: Sarah Cunter is still gone, so these days it’s been the butts and dust of Scooby Snatch and, now, Drag Queen, which have become woefully familiar to the glazed eyes of the Ben Franklin Mob. But tonight other chronic FRBs showed: Full Moon GM, Gomez, BFM two-timer, Sasquatch, and a rare import, the Blue Mooning * Grab Bag.

Almost everyone bought beer before tonight’s run, which started and ended at Paddy’s, located on Race between 2nd and 3rd Streets. No one brought flour, though, which makes sense, because you can’t drink flour. But Rash brought blue carpenter’s chalk and a tennis ball. After years of obsessively hoarding these items in large quantities, she finally has a way to dispose of them, week by week.

When flour was purchased nearby, Bastard Child suggested that only a pinch of blue chalk be mixed in, because when flour is mixed too blue it’s hard to see as the sun goes down. Chef Bastard Child’s recipe was followed. Bastard Child, a real Betty Crocker, also served the straws. It was a mini-riot of hands, straws, and spilled beer. Jump Start pulled the shorty and disappeared in a puff of light blue powder. Five minutes later the mob followed. Self Service remained behind to keep an eye on the mob’s bags and the bartender.

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BFM #21

Posted on July 15, 2004

15 July 2004: Tonight the mob once again filled Bonner’s, 23rd and Sansom, whether Bonner’s liked it or not. Bonner’s bartenders know us now, the way some farmers get to know locusts. Elbows and beer mugs left no table untouched as the mob warmed up for the hash. There were recent additions to the mob, such as the new Just Brian, and old timers, like Where’s Dildo? and Hokessin-veteran Just Bill, and a few virgins. Richie Cum In Hand made a return appearance after first turning up at the Commando run. But, of course, there was no flour. So Rash ran out, got some, and mixed it with blue carpenter’s chalk.

Outside Bitchard gave a Britannic chalk talk for the benefit of newbies, and for those drunks who forget things from week to week. Straws were drawn. Every last bastid drew one, even virgin Just Morgan, but nobody pulled the long one, leaving the shorty with your correspondent, me. Bichard asked me what was I waiting for so I scampered away with the flour, which, when mixed with blue carpenter’s chalk, turns a bright, cartoon blue.

If you’ve ever wondered what it might be like to be a fugitive chased by bloodhounds and helicopters, then lay live trail. People’s eyes follow you as you run by and sprinkle powder. You smile, say ‘hi’ so they won’t panic and call police, but you can’t stop and explain. Because somewhere behind you there are people looking for you, running, in most cases, much faster than you can. You can’t turn corners too many times because they might see you on a cross street, so you run for open ground to get away.

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BFM #20

Posted on July 8, 2004

8 July 2004: The mob met its 20th time at Molly’s, near Third and Chestnut Streets. The awesome twosome from Hokessin HHH - Thunder Thighs and Bitchard - made their BFM debut. A brand new Just Brian, imported from Boston, turned out, as did Horse Jerker, a hasher from Rochester, NY. Scooby Snatch showed up as a civilian, disappeared, and reappeared in running shorts and yet another t-shirt with words not appropriate for a family newspaper. Rash was there, too. Her t-shirt advertised a company doing business in hoists and whips. People didn’t ask questions.

Cunting Season brought five pounds of flour. Some chucklehead mixed it with red carpenter’s chalk, which made it pink. Straws were drawn. Just Brian and Thunder Thighs declined to draw, but Thunder Thighs changed her mind, perhaps thinking she could give the straw to Bichard if she drew the short one. We’ll never know if she was right, because the short one went to Rash.

Rash high-tailed it, and five minutes later the mob spilled from the bar for the chase. Rash’s trail spread directly into Society Hill, right through the Society Hill Towers complex, which contains Lunar Digit’s new launching pad. Bastard Child suggested – loudly and repeatedly – that we do a beer check there. If we had done that, then Lunar’s new neighbor would have demanded – loudly and repeatedly – that Lunar be evicted. It’s something for the mob to consider doing.

With Bichard out front and Cause for Blindness bringing up the rear, the mob pushed further into Society Hill, tracking the rash of pink flour which seemed to be everywhere. As it turns out, there wasn’t much pink flour at all, just a lot of pink paint sprayed on the streets and sidewalks by road crews. Evidently pink is the color fashion of the season among the street construction crowd.

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BFM #19

Posted on July 1, 2004

1 July 2004: Tonight’s trail started at the Cherry Street Tavern, 22nd & Cherry Streets, near the Ben Franklin Parkway. The mob was happy to see the return of Cousin It, who made his BFM debut at the Commando Run. Mr. and Mrs. outgoing-Full-Moon-GM also showed. (No doubt you already know, but this upcoming Friday is Strap On’s last full moon as GM, a sorrowful occasion that should be attended by all. Plus, if you didn’t get one, the t-shirts are very nice, and you can even wear them in the real world without offending anyone, except, perhaps, Werewolf-Americans).

Drag Queen showed, though not in drag, but he brought another dude named Just Brian. Tickle My Elmo returned, fulfilling the red head quota for the evening. Also there was Rash, who became responsible for the hash cash, which seemed right. Some referred to her as the First Rash-ional Bank (not to be confused with Rational). All the guys kept their eyes on her, perhaps to make sure she didn’t abscond with the cash? Other bastids were there – and you know who you were, if your addled brains can remember, y’bastids.

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