BFM #27
Posted on August 26, 2004
26 August 2004: Thursday the Mob mobbed The Green Room, 20th and Green, Philadelphia. In first were Just Amy and then Master Baster, both who the bartender offered a drink. For some reason they said no, but they weren’t the last ones to refuse. In time others followed, filling up the place with sneakers and bags, and the number grew to over thirty, but the number of pitchers grew hardly at all. Lots of hellos and chatter, though.
Sensing the number grew to critical mass, religious advisor Wolfman Jackoff announced we had five minutes before starting trail. Mysteriously, no straws were drawn and Little Fucking Winkie was holding the flour bag. Winkie then announced there was a beer check, portending this trail might not be so live, and left. The mob looked to where to stow the dry bags. Behind the bar seemed the best place.
So mobbers asked the bartender to stow their bags behind her bar. Closing her eyebrows together, the bartender replied, “What are you all doing here?”
Filed Under Trash | Leave a Comment
BFM #26
Posted on August 19, 2004
19 August 2004: On Thursday, the Ben Franklin Mob HHH flooded Liberties Restaurant & Bar, 705 N. 2nd Street. Flagrantly flouting pointless hash convention, Lunar Digit wore a suit and tie and ordered a Martini. Fresh in from Boston was Wee Willie Wanker.
When someone (was it Self Service?) presented straws, grabbing hands reached in from every direction, but no one drew the short straw, including experienced hares like Bitchard, E=My Cock Squared, Strap On, Where’s Dildo?, and even Little Fucking Winkie. So would the short straw go to a newby like Just Damien or Just Clay, or to a virgin like Just Kate or Just Jen? What happens when a virgin hasher must lay live trail?
We didn’t find out because STD stepped up and pulled the shorty. It was in her hand, and a poker face crowded out her smile. She grabbed the flour bag and rushed from the bar, due south. Back inside mob mismanagement determined that there were many virgins, requiring a chalk talk, which E conducted outside. He was heckled, but he got it done. Then the on on was on.
Filed Under Trash | Leave a Comment
BFM #25
Posted on August 12, 2004
12 August 2004: Thursday the Mob invaded Oscar’s Tavern, 1524 Sansom Street, where the Full Moon H3 Animal Pub Crawl commenced a few months back. Apparently Oscar’s did not remember the hash, because they let us hashers stay.
At that Full Moon Pub Crawl, so many moons ago, Wolfman Jackoff was responsible for distributing mugs to commemorate the experience, but he didn’t do it. Instead, he had his own personal Shawshank Redemption.
Tonight he brought the mugs. And there they sat, waiting, in a bag leaning against Sasquatch in a booth in the back of the bar.
Next to the ‘Squatch sat Drag Queen. Both these FRBing freaks chatted with Just Amy, who recently emerged from the ether. The Wolfman was positioned nearby, keeping an eye on the mugs. The big house taught him keep close to the goods.
Filed Under Trash | Leave a Comment
BFM #24
Posted on August 5, 2004
Note: Though I was not present, and therefore witnessed none of what follows, I conducted several interviews and report the following based on those interviews. Every fact has been confirmed by at least two independent sources.
5 August 2004: Tonight the mob regrouped at the Blarney Stone, 39th & Sansom Streets, home of alcoholic college students and 25-cent beers. Sarah Cunter made a surprise return appearance to retrieve a speculum she left behind last time the mob was there. The bartenders had kept it in the lost and found box, which the mob discovered contained other hasher belongings, including Spankin’s penis piercin’, Strap On’s bunny suit, and Limp Man Toy’s sneakers. Unfortunately Bastard Child decided to remove all three items from the box and put them on. Later there was a naming.
Sly Fox was present, urgently investigating who stole her bed when the mob recently helped her move. Someone accused Lunar Digit because he had been seeking a bed for his new place. But Lunar Digit, who actually showed up to run tonight, denied the charge, even after Sly wrestled him to the ground and forced him to drink a six-pack of PBR. Nearby, college students were looking sideways at Where’s Dildo?, who for some reason thought tonight was the Green Dress Run. Later there was a naming.
Filed Under Trash | Leave a Comment
