BFM #32
Posted on September 30, 2004
30 September 2004: No good deed goes unpunished, as illustrated by the adventures of Wolfman Jackoff who, back in June, visited the Philadelphia Police to explain that the white flour he left next to the US Mint was not a terrorist act. The police then put him up for the night, and most of the next day. One week later all charges were dropped.
But that wasn’t the end of it. The ignominious end to this sorry affair came on Thursday, when the Ben Franklin Mob did what it had to do.
Mobbers showed up at the Cherry Street Tavern with plastic police badges and nightsticks, blue plastic firearms, metal and plastic handcuffs, jailhouse-safe soap, and convict stripes. This was the Jailbait Hash, a special occasion, warranting a pre-laid trail, courtesy of Bastard Child and Tastes Like Chicken.
Like a breakout from a penitentiary of idiots, the Mob sprinted from Cherry Street Tavern, across sidewalks and green fields, making its way to the Schuylkill River.
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BFM #31
Posted on September 23, 2004
23 September 2004: Tonight the Mob met at McKenna’s, 24th and Brown, the site of the Chocolate Cake hash a few months back. Frank Lloyd Thong, a visitor from Baltimore-Anapolis was there, as was a virgin, Just Mitch. Two-timer Just Sean returned, as did the elusive Just Brianna, who usually runs trail and then disappears before the circle.
She couldn’t pull her disappearing act tonight, though, because tonight she pulled the short straw, making her the hare. She’s never laid trail before, so Skin Fiddle stepped in to help out. And the two of ‘em were out the door.
They used their four legs to lay many false trails. Skin Fiddle later explained he left most of the running to Just Brianna, who is a chronic FRB. Her piston-like legs and his cunning yet demented mind led the Mob through Fairmount’s alleyways and across a shiggy-hidden bridge that crosses into Kelly Drive and Schuylkill River Park.
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BFM #30
Posted on September 16, 2004
16 September 2004: When you’re thirty, it’s time to do away with childish things. And the Ben Franklin Mob turned 30 weeks this week. So the Mob was asked to observe the occassion with formal attire, like uh-dolts. The BFM may be several brain cells shy of one brain, but the BFM ain’t shy. Assorted mobbers sashayed into McGillin’s decked in skimpy cocktail dresses, flowing gowns, trashy-flashy ties, tiaras, a gargantuan Viking helmet, and a tuxedo subtly accented with gold-painted sneakers. The last worn by Bastard Child.
From all points hashers came. Visiting indignantaries included Tour de Puke, who is religious advisor to the legendary Harrisburg Hershey hash, and Hatrick, the grand fucking master of an Atlanta-based hash (not sure which). Cliff Diver from the Rumson HHH was there, as was At Your Cervix, a hasher from the other hemisphere (this planet’s got two of ‘em), and who’s now in Philadelphia.
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BFM #29
Posted on September 9, 2004
9 September 2004: Saint Jack’s in Old City received it’s second Mob visit Thursday. No virgins. This time there were only experienced Ben Franklin Mob hashers, all skilled in the high arts of drinking, “singing,” and snuffling after flour like mutts hunting a bone.
Always a pleasure to see Thunder, Crusty Calves, and their third (and fastest) wheel, Bitchard. Also present were the newly named Sloppy Seconds and Dances with Bum Urine. STD, who will be haring Liberty Bell Sunday 12 September, was there, as were Just Heather and Just Jason. The genitalia roll call included Skin Fiddle, Cunting Season, and Scooby Snatch. And, I ask you, what hash would be a hash without Cause for Blindness.
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BFM #28
Posted on September 2, 2004
2 September 2004: Back to Bonner’s, 23rd & Sansom. New faces tonight included Mr. Snuffleupamuff (how’d he get that one?), Just Heidi, Just Jason, Just Sean, and Snip ‘n Cut. The British colonization of the BFM continued with the arrival of Tinkerbell as well as Bitchard. Both also happen to be chronic FRBs. Wishboneher put in a rare cameo appearance. Cousin It was there, too - if you didn’t go to his Phillies tailgate last week you missed a damn good time.
The season has changed and back to the Mob came some long-time-no-seers, including the bearded Scooby Snatch, the landed Sly Fox, and the Silent Ho, who tonight actually ran the trail. Gravely dishonoring the Mob, the mother of Little Fucking Winkie arrived, admired by all for producing our GFM, and, more incredibly, owning up to it.
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