BFM #75 - Prom Night
Posted on July 28, 2005
28 July 2005: Ray’s "Happy Birthday" Bar was the site for the Ben Franklin Mob’s Prom Night 2005. The bartender (I don’t recall his name. "You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay …) was so pleased to see us he requested that when we get back from the r*n, we use the back door. But, he did let the women change in a private area, interrupting only for emergencies, like pitchers. Which women you ask? Well, when I arrived Beer Sucks was resplendent in gold and black with a tiara (a bit too fancy for some). Cheap Show was a black beauty, as was Stacks, who had opted for sequins. Oral Offender wore a poofy blue. Crinoline itches. I recycled the Devil’s Blue Dress, which suffered superficial combat wounds, easily repaired with a safety pin. Tinkerbell and Fur Snatcher waited quietly for the games to begin. I’m Cumming came with 3 virgin/visitors; her brother, Just Eric, a friend from the Hockessin Hash, Cuntra, and Just Kristin. Is this a one day record? Tastes Like Chicken visited us, attired in formal black r*nning gear. Our Dauntless Grand Mattress and the Hare of the Day, Rash, rushed in from setting the trail and donned her gay apparel, a lovely deep blue Bat Dress. Where there any men? Did anyone wear a tux? Did a visitor from Lehigh Valley Hash - Just Mike - wear a dress? Yes! Pound it In was most formal, in a pintucked shirt and bow tie, with appropriate trousers. Can You Hear Me Now? obliged with the shirt and tie, but kept to his favorite r*nning shorts. Cunt’mo was talking up the LVH3 visitors, Ate a Puss Complex and the aforementioned Just Mike, while Cheap Show and Oral Offender and Rash took on welcoming committee duties. Skin Fiddle was being entertained by The Game - another Phillies game, I think (ergo sum). Mary F*ckin’ Poppins joined us for the fun. Eventually Ms. Rash gave her chalk and flour talk and released the hounds into the evening. Hello city.
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BFM #74 - Hold the Flour
Posted on July 21, 2005
21 July 2005: Cuntmo was on the phone outside the bar when I pulled into the T-Hogan lot on Rochelle Avenue. Oral Offender was on her phone outside the bar when I entered. Hmmm. Can You Hear Me Now? Yup, he was there, too. C-Mo and C-You were the only men when Rash counted the straws for Tinkerbell, Fur Snatcher, Hold the Sausage, Cheap Show and myself. Just as I was explaining that the precedent is, if the pack is less than 10, I am First In. Lucky for the rest, E=MC^2 and Strap On arrived. Lucky for us all. Ms. Sausage pulled a shortie and took off on her virgin solo haring. Meanwhile we finished the first of many Cheap Pitchers, to ready ourselves for the evening.
A huge X greeted us as we began the exercise and the hounds scattered. "On One" someone called, gathering the tiny horde, only to be followed by "False!" Solo hare and she takes time to set false trails. Harumph. Trail was located, leading uphill of course, and the pack took off into the "but it’s a dry" heat. Cheap Show and I soon formed the rear guard, with Cuntmo helpfully calling out changes of directions. Chivalry on trail. He’ll learn. We zigged and zagged in true BFM style, and always uphill. Doncha love Manayunk? At some point, rumor has it, Hold the Sausage turned the flour over to … E, who decided to confound the hounds and make trail hard to find. But, since "What goes up/Must come down," the trail spun back downhill towards the bar, past Rash’s car where most of the pack had an impromptu beer check. Talk about deja vu, yet again. "Some" of us, however, had long lost trail, missed the beer check, and fought it out the last hundred yards for the honor of not being Last In. Cuntmo won. The Mob was eating and drinking and making merry, with Cousin "Don’t forget the tailgate on August 20" It, and a too-well-turned out Sly Fox.
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BFM #73 - Deja Vu All Over Again
Posted on July 15, 2005
14 July 2005: The Mob returned to University City for its weekly festivities. Cheep Show, Stacks, and a miraculously healed Pound it In were guarding the entrance to the bar, keeping out the Riff Raff. 
Hold the Sausage, Fur Snatcher, and … no new virgin, joined the small throng from stage right while Can You Hear Me Now? and Tinkerbell entered from stage left. Just Pete and Mary F*cking Poppins popped out of the Blarney Stone. Mrs. and Mr. Strap On arrived, followed by Dancing Fool. Rash went to grab straws and pry Skin Fiddle from the Phillie’s game. As the Luck O’ the Irish would have it, Cause for Blabber, Blindess, drew the short one. Beer Sucks and Bastard Child arrived just in time to r*n, or not r*n. Within minutes the repeat hare was off while the hounds watched every step, including the first check.
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BFM #72 - There’s no place like home
Posted on July 7, 2005
7 July 2005: Dateline Philadelphia. A motley crue of folks calling themselves the Ben Franklin Mob Hash House Harriers invaded the quiet confines of McGillan’s Old Ale House tonight. Tucked away on tiny Drury Street in Center City, the friendly pub was quiet on this Thursday night. But not for long. First to arrive, dressed in club garb, was a woman who gave her name only as Rash. Soon after a slim fellow called, strangely, Pound it In, sidled up to the bar and ordered a lager. Soon small contingent grew to small crowd size with the rapid arrival of a Can You Hear Me Now?, Little Red Riding Wood, Cause for Blindness, and several whose names make this reporter blush, like C*nting Season, B*stard Child, Nice Shoes, Wanna F*ck?, Little F*cking Winkie, and Mary F*cking Poppins. With the addition of Hold the Sausage, Lunar Digit, Skin Fiddle, Cheep Show, E=MCSquared and his new wife, Strap-on, and a Fur Snatcher, a quorum was declared and the evening’s business began in earnest. Rash, apparently the one in charge of the Mob, counted out enough straws for everyone, then chewed off the end of one, making it noticeably shorter. She then held them out to each of the assembled, in turn, until one of them, Cause for Blindness, drew the short straw. The young woman took a bag of colored flour - Red, in honour of Independence Day - and set out as the "Hare," setting a trail for the "Hounds" to follow.
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