BFM #110 - Strap On-In
Posted on March 30, 2006
30 March 2006 – PHILADELPHIA: For some of us, the adventure started well before we even reached the site of the BFM’s 110th hash, the Triangle Tavern. The address of the bar is 1338 Reed St., which in accordance with normal Philadelphia city planning, would put it very near to the intersection of 13th and Reed. Oh, but Philly is tricky. 1338 Reed St. is actually at the intersection of 10th and Reed, a slightly farther walk from the ever classy public transit system. Philly 1; HTS 0.
Once I actually made it to the bar I joined a crowd that included Cunnilingus Interruptus, Cunting Season, E=MyCock2, Fiber Opdick, Little F*cking Winkie, Lil’ Red Riding Wood, Rash, Skin Fiddle, Stacks, and Strap On. On this fine Thursday, the mob was graced with the presence of two visitors, Monday Sticky Monday and Sloppy Ho, from one of the many fine hashes in our nation’s capital. Soon Bastard Child and Beer Sucks sauntered in with Tastes Like Chicken arriving shortly afterward. Cunting Season offered straws and the shortest one went to the most diminutive hasher, Strap On. Mrs. MyCock2 dutifully scampered off with her bag of flour and after waiting for Tickle My Elmo’s wardrobe change, the mob headed out in pursuit.
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BFM #109 - It’s Going to be an Orgy
Posted on March 23, 2006
23 March 2006 - There have been times when I have written the trash, and even though it was a perfectly nice hash, with drinking, nothing terribly exciting happened and I had to pad it with outside material, like Objects Removed From the Human Body (See BFM 84 if you really care that badly.) But THIS week, HOLY !&#$, it was just an ORGY of absurdity. I found myself wishing I knew shorthand, there was so much to write down.
The night began as it always does, with the Mob trickling in one by one to McGillin’s: Fiber Opdick, Skin Fiddle, Tickle My Elmo, Cause for Blindness, C*nting Season, Stacks, Little Red Riding Wood, Holy Tit visiting from DC, E = My Cock Squared, Popeye’s Bitch, Rash, and Big Tackle all came wandering in. Eventually, hash time rolled around and straws were pulled, or rather, one straw, as the first straw pulled was the short one. There were groans all around as we realized that E would be hare this week.
Tickle My Elmo was nice enough to bring glowing green chalk this week to go with the flour. However, I suspect Elmo was an engineer on the Tacoma Narrows bridge in a former life, because he hadn’t bothered to try mixing the chalk with the flour beforehand to discover that it created a pleasant, but extraordinarily pale shade of…mint? zombie? (white?) Who knows? (It didn’t glow, either.) Regardless, E took the flour and was off.
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BFM #108 - Rock That Ass
Posted on March 16, 2006
16 March 2006 - So I just found this website of overheard quotes that I was going to lie and claim were quotes over heard at the hash, and then make y’all guess who they were. Quotes like:
Woman #1: I think you’re an alcoholic. Woman #2: I think you’re an alcoholic. Woman #1: What is this? An intervention for fifth-graders?
Or
Officer: So apparently the greeting of the day is “Rock that ass.”
Or my favorite, because I can picture this one:
Guy #1: Did you know Bush agreed to share nuclear technology with the Indians? Guy #2: Why do Indians need it? Oklahoma is already a part of the US. Guy #1: Dude, Indians as in citizens of India, a country in Asia. Guy #2: I was never good at history. Guy #1: You mean geography. Guy #2: Asshole.
HOWEVER, I didn’t need to this week, because the hash was particularly obliging about saying dumb things. (Thanks guys!) But we’ll get to that later.
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BFM #107 - Hashers Go Braugh
Posted on March 9, 2006
9 March 2006 – PHILADELPHIA The BFM descended upon South Street to kick off the 5th Anal St. Patty’s Day Green Dress Run festivities. Those of us who actually own and consult calendars on a regular basis might have noted that St. Patrick’s Day is actually observed on March 17th, one weekend later. Why did the hashers choose to celebrate this glorious holiday a week early, you ask? The official answer had something to do with a date conflict with vaguely important-sounding college basketball games. However, your humble scribe conjectures that the real reason is more along the lines of an attempt to get maximum mileage out of the “everyone is Irish (and therefore and alcoholic) on St. Patty’s Day” excuse by imbibing mass quantities of beer two weeks in a row.
The mob gathered at Tattooed Mom’s, a charmingly unassuming little establishment, to await the initial On-On. Or so I assume. I didn’t actually arrive until the pack had departed in search of the familiar (and in this case pre-laid) flour blobs. Fur Snatcher and I joined Self Service and Fiber Opdick, who had already claimed bumper cars and ordered brews upstairs. Moments later Skin Fiddle, Cunting Season, and Oral Oh! (bearing cake) filed in. In the case of Oral Oh!, carrying baked goods down South Street was enough to attract more attention than the bleached, dyed, tattooed, pierced, and otherwise “diverse” clientele. Note to self: labret = normal; birthday cake = freak. As the autohashers observed the locals to keep amused while waiting for the pack to return, Ms. Season began collecting hash cash.
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BFM #106 - The Paper Trash
Posted on March 6, 2006
2 March 2006 - I know it’s late…quit your bitchin’
Ok….so this is the trash….I’ll bust on myself before you even get the chance…and even call myself out for the circle for it. It is late, boring, and without the fluff and wit we have come to expect…The facts, ma’am, just the facts. Truth is, I forgot where I put the two little pieces of paper that I wrote the trash on and just found them now….just so you know…”now” = 6:33pm on Thursday…
So! The mob met last Thursday at New Wave in South Philly.
Roll Call: E=MyCock2, Strap On, Stacks, Cunting Season, Just Mike, Sly Fox, Scooby Snatch, Tickle My Elmo, Self Service, Dry Hump, and Popeye’s Bitch.
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