BFM #123 - A Pitcher of Beer, A Bunch of Hills, And Thou
Posted on June 29, 2006
29 June 2006 – PHILADELPHIA: Nothing particularly interesting has happened to me personally this week, but I did find what is quite possibly the most horrifying music video of the most horrifying remix ever. It’s the timeless disco anthem Don’t Leave Me This Way, sung in a New Wave fashion by what appears to be a 12-year-old Staples employee wearing too-large pleated khakis and polo shirt, with a haircut that does not say “Mohawk” so much as it does “I affixed chalkboard eraser to the top of my head.” It’s even more horrifying than Candi Stanton’s disco version of “Stand By Your Man” which is really saying something.
(And if you’ve clicked on the first link, then click here and waste a bunch more time. I suggest starting with Bizmarkie’s “Just a Friend” and going from there, but that’s me.)
And what does this have to do with this week’s hash? As usual, absolutely nothing.
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BFM #122 - Lost Virginity
Posted on June 22, 2006
1 June 2006 – PHILADELPHIA: I was trying to think of a really clever opening anecdote for this trash, but the only interesting thing that’s happened to me this week is that I set my kitchen on fire. Again. I really would like to invite y’all over for dinner sometime, but it would probably end in tragedy, so I can’t.
Instead, I write the trash.
And this week, hashers gathered at Krupa’s in the art museum district, starting with Rash and Cunting Season, and followed by Bitchard, Looney Tunes visiting from Memphis, virgins Just Craig, Just Jennifer, Just Conan (pronounced “connin’. trust me.) Oral Oh!, Little F*ckin’ Winkie, Scooby Snatch, Bumble Beaver, Cause for Blindness, E = My Cock Squared, Strap On, Dry Hump, who joined the Mob after changing in the middle of the street in front of a bunch of college girls, and Can You Hear Me Now?
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BFM #121 - At Least There Wasn’t Pig’s Blood
Posted on June 15, 2006
15 June 2006 – PHILADELPHIA: When recalling fond memories of high school prom, the first thing that comes to mind for many is that fabulous (or hideous) dress or tux. Others remember pregaming, sneaking in a flask, and trying to spike the punch. And some of us remember just trying to get laid. The BFM’s 3rd Annual Prom at Bonner’s had enough variety to take everyone back to the 80s. Or the 90s. Or the year 2000 if your hash name involves grasping meat stuffed in casings of animal intestine.
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BFM #120 - Apocalypse? Not now.
Posted on June 8, 2006
8 June 2006 – PHILADELPHIA: As this was the week of 6/6/06, I was naturally on the lookout for any potential signs of the impending Apocalypse. The only thing I saw that *maybe* portended the end of civilization as we know it was during my train ride home, wherein I watched a very annoying woman get attacked by a giant flying cockroach. And then my train caught fire. (I’m not kidding.) So from this, I’d like to conclude that that when Death comes, at least for me, it will be riding neither a pale horse, nor a pale cow, but rather the R5 Paoli/Malvern Local.
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BFM #119 - Hot Wet Philadelphia Summer
Posted on June 1, 2006
1 June 2006 – PHILADELPHIA: So it’s not technically summer yet. But the temperature did top 80 degrees and there was precipitation. And who can argue with a subtle,
witty film reference? Okay, end of disclaimer.
The lightning bolts already flashing through the evening sky and the surprisingly accurate forecast of rain didn’t deter the BFM in gathering for its 119th trail at the New Wave Café. Tickle My Elmo, Stacks, Scooby Snatch, and self-appointed hare Oral Oh! were already enjoying brews when I arrived at the bar. Soon Can You Hear Me Now?, Cause for Blindness, E=MyCock², Little F*cking Winkie, Little Red Riding Wood, Rash, Sly Fox, and Strap On found their way to the bar, creating a conglomeration of hashers next to the waitress station and clearly pissing off the waitresses. After stowing our bags in Dry Hump’s Jeep, Oral Oh! headed out with her bag of the flour and the mob followed in pursuit several minutes later.
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