BFMH3-145 - The Mob Gets a Boner
Posted on November 30, 2006
30 November 2006 – PHILADELPHIA: Anyone who has traveled via airplane in the last few years knows that air travel is no longer glamorous. If you’re lucky enough to actually fit into your seat and have row-mates that aren’t spilling out of theirs, it’s likely the small child seated directly behind you will be practicing karate on your seatback for the entire flight. The lovely phenomenon of global warming has caused extreme weather, practically ensuring that your trip will feature some turbulence. Or you’ll be seated next to someone who is sneezing uncontrollably, is hacking up phlegm, and is quite possibly infected with Ebola. (Speaking of Ebola, does anyone remember when SARS was the communicable disease du jour? Good thing I realized it was just a passing trend and decided not the splurge on the Louis Vuitton SARS mask…) And let’s not forget the ever-dreaded perpetually crying baby. Unfortunately, it doesn’t get much better in first class. The last time I was upgraded to first, I wasn’t even offered alcohol because the prehistoric flight attendant assumed I was underage. Oh, the horror! How can one be expected to fly sober? All of this unpleasantness aside, nothing compares to this flight. I suddenly don’t feel so victimized by my experiences….
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BFMH3-144 - Longest Beer Check Ever
Posted on November 23, 2006
I don’t know if police officers don’t visit as many bars as stereotypes suggest, or if they enjoy watching civilians scramble about the city searching for that elusive hole in the wall. Either way, my suggestion is to ask the wino on the corner instead of your local man in blue, or yellow as the case may be. Anyway, I’m too green at this to waste your time with senseless babble.
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BFMH3-143 Scripture in the Circle
Posted on November 16, 2006
Instead of being forced to catatonically sit in front of my television and endure crap-tastic programming, I was positively gleeful this evening when I discovered that Encore was offering back to back presentations of Wrong Turn. Now this is an excellent example of a really good bad horror movie. And if you know anything about me, you know I absolutely adore horror movies. This particular film has it all: explosions, cannibalism, inbreeding, deformities, West Virginia mountain men, severed limbs, and an unclever chick that ends up battling villains in a tight, white tank top. I mean seriously kids, one of the main characters is named Three Finger! What’s not to love about that? Actually, that description sort of makes the movie sound like a typical Thursday at the hash. Well, maybe that’s a minor exaggeration. And yes, I’m aware that my passion may earn me the label of severely unhinged. I actually came to that realization on my own last week as I found myself laughing uncontrollably at the super fake looking arterial spurt as I was watching Hostel. So, point being, if my writing seems a little distracted it’s because I’m watching Wrong Turn, again.
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BFMH3-141 Hash-Fu Fighting
Posted on November 9, 2006
I recently discovered that in England they have these things called ASBOs, which stands for Anti-Social Behavior Orders, which is basically a ticket you get for being a dickwad. How awesome is that? So now you all know what to get each other for Christmas. Or Hannukah. Or both. I don’t discriminate.
Speaking of dickwads, The Mob gathered this week at Westy’s, a bar we haven’t been to in a long time which I think is a shame because it’s located in a neighborhood where you can get a gun permit out of a van just about half a block away. But I digress. Lured to the bar this evening were Stacks, Just Manish, Nice Nuggets, Fat Ass, Sloppy Ho, Scooby Snatch, Tickle My Elmo, Sly Fox, Popeye’s Bitch, Two Clump Chump, Up Her Ali, Cunting Season, Tastes Like Chicken, Bastard Child, Europee’n On Me, Holy Fuck, Snowball, Can You Hear Me Now?, Egotestical, Queef, Little Red Riding Wood, He’s A Lesbian, Plastic Pud, Just Dave, Bumble Beaver, The Rash, and SheMan.
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