I decided it would be a good idea to write the trash having slept 6 of the previous 72 hours.  Of course that means the trash needs another hidden theme; you know something minimal, but not too flamboyant. Life just off the north sea hasn’t been too bad yet; my evangelical project manager hasn’t asked me how I feel about Jeebus recently, but I still get this feeling like I don’t know what he wants, but I can’t give it anymore. After I finish the trash I have to put on a bright orange jacket and venture outside.  We can choose between a fluorescent orange and a fluorescent yellow uniform here.  With the constant fog and gloom, we had several people almost run over by the speedball chasing truck drivers we hire.  Management recognized the problem, and instead of paying for qualified personnel, they issued ridiculously reflective vests and jackets to all. Se a vida e

Anyhoo, back in philly last week a large crowd of hashers assembled, and  Rear called circle together, The combination of the two best running and drinking clubs in philly poured out of  Cavanaughs. Not to brag or anything, but we were stopping traffic.   I like to think it was because everyone recognized that I looked absolutely fabulous, but realistically the huge crowd of half minds behind and in front of me might have had something to do with it.  I hadn’t seen a BFM crowd that big since prom or green dress.  It felt like being in the middle of the stampede, and I’m not sure exactly who it was, but I definitely was “accidentally” groped several times.

At the start of trail, most of the fishtown runners had a look on their face that said, “I wouldn’t normally do this kind of thing” and trail continued through west philly, University City doing loop-d-loops until I was thoroughly lost and 2 Clump actually wasn’t at the front.  Eventually trail led back to drexel’s campus, then across the bridge and into TA Flannerty. Usually they are more than accommodating, but apparently 50 people showing up sweaty and unannounced scaring away the classy customers (all 3 of them), and our usually friendly bartender was not happy.  Little Red and SOGF did their best to keep him happy, but I’m not so sure if we are going to get one more chance at this place in the future

Who Came:

Bumble Beaver, Sextra Credit, Goes Down Often,  Big Tackle, Just Kyle, , 2 Clump Chump, Dr Squeelgood,  3 Balls, Son of a Goatfucker, Just Jen, Just Megan, The Rash, Little Red Riding Wood, Mother Bates, Chocolate Starfish, Fire Down Under, Fruit of the Clue, Scooby, Sternum and Rectum, Beefcake Strokeitoff, Ass Ventura, Virgin Pimp, Craigalicious, Post Anal Drip, Cunting Season, Sly Fox, Softcore Analyst, Where’s my Vagina?, Scammin’ Ol Ladies, Target, Mediocre and Stupid, Tickle My Elmo, Rear Engineer, Billy G Goat, Just Brad, Just Jen, Just Alex, One inch in, Dr Snuffleupamuff and Reginal Discharge, and awholelottafishtownbeerrunnerswhocalledouttheirnamesfasterthanIcanwritelegibly, Kate, Dawn, Bruce, Gwen, Matt, Justin Anita, Tom, Mike, Laverne, Shirley, Kevin, Darren, Alex, Dusty Rhodes, and Larry?

Circle:

We followed the lead of our visitors and started circle with a toast “to the professor” who apparently mathematically proved that drinking beer after running is good for you (which means those of us who have 5 beers after running are freakin geniuses

Hare’s: Son of a Goat Fucker (not enough ice, not enough fishtown)

Virgins: Collectively the fishtown beer runners

First In/Last In: Ass Ventura (again) and Dr. Snuffleupamuff

Visitors:  Cums and Runs (H4) and Just Art (Lehigh Valley)

Long time no seers:  Billy G Goat, Goatfucker, Scammin Old ladies,

Autohash – Up her Ali, Bumble Beaver,  and Raidr

Violations – Ass Ventura for a spectacular hash crash into a parking meter (watch out stacks, you’ve got competition now)

Muff – Driving to the wrong bar

Scooby and Fruit – southern style racists

Rear – tech on trail, heartbeat watch

Dr Squeelgood- being a little nipply

Reginal Discharge – asking what day of the month is the full moon hash

Muff – for violating his girlfriend, and not letting us watch the film

Just Laura – cheeseburger in circle and not sharing

Virgin Pimp hosting a hash where food was Pop tarts (claims of acceptable hash behaviour)

Post Anal Drip for actually having a drip

Scooby – pre-emptively for announcing Cousin It’s August tailgate during announcements

Side-Side: Fruit of the Clue.  There was a mad rush as the ladies (and I use that term loosely) rushed to get piece of fruit for themselves

Announcements:

Just Dave at Fishtown Beer Runners had an event at Philadelphia Brewing Company with free beer that you missed because I write the trash at the last minute

Jan 29^th BFM #257 – 730PM trail somewhere and nominations for mis-management.  Don’t like the way I do my job?  Do something about it.

Jan 31 PH3 – 300PM Mother Bates hosts an A-B Philly run starting at Sumerton Station

Feb 5^th BFM #258 – 730pm  Do Shots Don’t Get shot and elections.  Hone your decision making skills with several shots and a stagger through Fairmount, then decide who you want in mismanagement next year

Feb 7^th Philly Roller Girls  First bout of 2009, is sold out

Feb 6-8^th Every Day is Wedndesday Ski Trip Sloppy Ho will personally guarantee your drunkenness that weekend.

Feb 12^th BFM # 259 – 730PM Try to forget the hasher you took home last week, wash off the VD, and remember why you thought it would be a good idea for Stan to take over every elected position.

Feb 13 BJH3 run #10 – 700PM  in the forsaken lands of New Jersey

Feb 13 Philly Full Moon – 730PM  Valentines Day Pre-lude- Likes The Hard One/Major Piece of Ass/Bragadeer General. 

Feb 14 PH3 – 300PM  Big Tackle and Post Anal Drip: Bugsy Moran’s kids present the St Valentine’s Day Massacre

Haberdashery – If you got dibs in months ago, The Rash is finally willing to give up that warm fuzzy thing that she promised.  But first you have to give her money.  Big Tackle is selling a fleece hat that doubles as a Merkin too. 

After circle, the pack gradually filtered upstairs and began awkwardly hitting on the new hashers. Left to his own devices, Virgin Pimp was in danger of apoplexy with all the new arrivals, but then again we all do look better in the dark.

On On

Jingle Ballzzz

So yet again, I managed to lose my notes before I wrote up trail, so you get beer fogged memories instead of actual trash.  I’m actually typing this up at work in protest against the new monitoring software they put on my computer. Now my boss gets a daily report on the fact that I spend 3 hours a day on the internet, 3 hours responding to email, 1 hour eating lunch, and then do about 30 minutes doing real work before ducking out early.  For revenge he’s sending me to work 2 weeks of 12 hour days in a place slightly classier than Trenton. 

The pack gathered at Druid’s Keep, and set off on trail past the standard northern liberties fare, abandoned buildings surrounded by overpriced and empty condos.  We stopped by the freeway, and a longish false went into an abandoned field full of trash, bums, and used needles.  Major Quimby apparently tripped, and almost got a free 30 day course of AZT. Trail then wound around the freeway, past a few more bums sleeping in the bushes, and then back up to spring garden.  We passed  (and hopefully heckled) a socialist reading club, and made our way to Subcuntinent’s new abode.  It was a whole lot classier than we were used to, and the pack tucked into the keg leftover from last weeks PH3.  Eventually we made it back to druids keep for circle

Who Came:

Sextra Credit, Goes Down Often,  Just Greg, Big Tackle, Just Kyle, , 2 Clump Chump, Dr Squeelgood, The Rash, Little Red Riding Wood, Beefcake Strokeitoff, Ass Ventura, Virgin Pimp, Craigalicious, Post Anal Drip, Piss Cycle, Just Jen. Mediocre and Stupid, Tickle My Elmo, Rear Engineer, Mayor Quimby, Sub Cuntinent, Holy Fuck, Just Brad, Just Jen, Just Alex, One inch in, Just Megan, and some virgins

Circle:

Hare’s: Jingle Ballzzz

Virgins: There were two of them

Long time no seers:  I think we had some

First in/Last In: Ass Ventura and somebody

Autohash – Piss Cycle Skinfiddle, Virgin Pimp, Dr Squeelgood, Rash, and some others

Violations – Ass Ventura for attempting to smuggle some grapes

Other accusations probably happened, but I was so distracted by Ass’s package that I can’t actually remember.

Announcements:

Jan 24^th PH3 3PM hosted by Fruit of Ze Clue, and Stacks, at Chez Clue in Fairmount.  570 N. 23rd St, #11A

Jan 24^th 9PM Decades Theme Party in East Falls hosted by Sextra Credit. Dress up as your favorite decade.  Ask your favorite hasher for the address.  If they like you they might even give you the right one.

Jan 29^th BFM #257 – 730PM trail somewhere and nominations for mis-management.  Don’t like the way I do my job?  Do something about it.

Feb 5^th BFM #258 – 730pm  Do Shots Don’t Get shot and elections.  Hone your decision making skills with several shots and a stagger through Fairmount, then decide who you want in mismanagement next year

Feb 8-10^th Every Day is Wedndesday Ski Trip Sloppy Ho will personally guarantee your drunkenness that weekend.

Feb 12^th BFM # 259 – 730PM Try to forget the hasher you took home last week, wash off the VD, and remember why you thought it would be a good idea for Stan to take over every elected position.

Feb something Full Moon – 730PM  February – Likes The Hard One/Major Piece of Ass/Bragadeer General probably in the wilds of west philly

Feb something BJH3 run #10 – 700PM  in the forsaken lands of New Jersey

Haberdashery – If you got dibs in months ago, The Rash is finally willing to give up that warm fuzzy thing that she promised.  But first you have to give her money

After circle, the hash filtered back to Subcontinents to finish the keg, and engage in feats of strength using her pull-up bar.  After seeing the bar fall off multiple times, Mediocre and Stupid and I looked on in horror/amazement as a hasher decided it would be a good idea to hang from her knees from it.  Deathwish apparently has competition

I continue to spend more time than I would like with the TNT hash, and because we all need to learn who to hate, I’d like to share the following story

A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep
and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he realised that 
they were stranded on a deserted island. 
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal 
companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular 
evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze 
 was warm and gentle – a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely 
Welshman. Soon ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man 
took his arm from around the sheep. 
 After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but 
 there was no more cuddling. 
 A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The 
only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man 
had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly 
nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, he 
 introduced her to their evening beach ritual.
 It was another beautiful evening…red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle 
 breeze – perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Welshman started 
 to get ‘those feelings’ again. He fought the urges as long as he could, but 
 he finally gave in and, realising he now had the opportunity, leaned over to 
the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear….. ,

 ‘Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?’

QOTN:

Unidentified Hasher, “My forearms are really strong … I …used to be really into masturbation”

Other Unidentified Hasher, “what do you mean used to?”

Jingle Ballzzz

 We had to chop up the piano for firewood, but we only got two chords

Your long suffering on-sec shivered over to the institute and actually arrived there early.  It took a few minutes to defrost and start talking with Just Whitney waiting at the bar with a couple of shifty foreigners.    Eventually the rest of the hashers arrived, and  Rear Engineer reluctantly rounded us up outside for chalk talk, and we set out very quickly and in big groups in search of trail.  Even Just Brutus was wearing a jacket on top of a fur coat. 

Trail went past several abandoned buildings, burnt out cars and miscellaneous trash.  For some reason I had flashbacks of probably one of the best movies ever made, but that’s neither here nor there.  Trail continued onward through Chinatown and the greyhound bus station where we got completely lost for about 10 minutes before figuring out that somehow we had to get to Broad Street. Beer Near was spotted at Spring garden. I’d never been inside before, but apparently He’s a Lesbian, still has connections at the FOP.  While we were there, somebody thought it was very important to tell me that they once were molested by a british paratrooper. Seriously people, learn your stereotypes. Britannia was built on buggery, Russians love the vodka, and Brazilians are easy. .  Its not that complicated kids.

Cheap good beer was had by all, and a surprising amount of shuffleboard was played.  I saw Piss Cycle charm an older gentleman out of a whole stack of cookies. I’m not going to speculate about what promises were made, but it looked like both parties left that transaction happy.  The rest of us shuffled back to the warm bar, to enjoy beer and circle 

Who Came:

Twin Peaks, Yorky Porky, Sextra Credit, Goes Down Often, Hold the Rimmer, Just Greg, Big Tackle, 3 Balls, He’s a Lesbian, Just Whitney, Every Man I Blow, 2 Clump Chump, Dirty Sanchez, Dr Squeelgood, The Rash, Popeye’s Bitch, Big Tackle, Cherry Poppins, Little Red Riding Wood, Can you hear me now?, Wonderblow, Cleavage to Beaver, Just Dave, Just John, Nappy Headed Ho, Virgin Pimp, Cunting Season, Fruit of the Clue, Post Anal Drip, Just Brutus, Piss Cycle, Just Blyth, Just Jen. Just Sean 

Circle:

Hare’s: 2 Clump, Lick Hymen (not enough body cavity searches at FOP)

Virgins: Just Jen – Blythe

            Just Sean – Dr Squeelgood

Visitors: Twin Peaks and Yorky Porky.

Long time no seers:  Just Whitney/Blythe

First in/Last In: LRRW and Pisscycle

Autohash – Just Blythe, He’s a Lesbian, Skinfiddle, Nappy Headed Ho, Virgin Pimp, Dr Squeelgood, Rash, Popeye’s Bitch, Big Tackle, Cherry Poppins,

Violations – Popeye for getting a new job in SF

            Twin Peaks and Yorky Porky for bringing the awful London weather with them

            Nappy for texting his mom in circle

            Goes Down Often – hash crash

            Somebody – overzealous shuffleboard behaviour

            Just Blythe – hat in circle

            Just Greg- keeping his obvious racism under wraps

            Big Tackle – for needing a hose job before he was willing to leave the bar

Naming: We had a naming this circle.  Just Blythe was brought out to the circle.  Apparently she went to school a lot, and is from Eagleville.  Her favorite farm animal is a cow, and her favorite position is similarly uninspired.  She does love the cucumber though, and aside from turning the odd ex-boyfriend gay, is totally normal. The hash went around and around the naming suggestions, and was strangely quiet and well behaved at the naming.  Somebody has been slipping roofies in the beer again apparently.  After much deliberation, we settled on Brokeback Pipe, and all was well in the world.

Announcements:

Everyday – Mustache Club Competition. Its on bitches! Are you a Frida Kahlo?  Or a General Burnside?

Nov 26^th BFM bar crawl at Mcgillans. Karaoke at 9pm. Earplugs optional but strongly recommended

Nov 27^th BFM #249 – 11am Mace’s Crossing.  Rear End Loader and Cunting Season will be setting trail

Dec 4^th BFM # 250 – 730PM More fun than you can shake your stick at

Dec 6^th PH3 hosted by RaidR in Havertown

Dec 11^th Festivus – 730PM The bar crawl for the rest of us.

Dec 13^th PH3 – hosted by Over Easy and the women’s rugby team

Dec 13^th Running of the Santas – like hashing, but with a 2 block run, and a lot more half-minds.

Dec 18^th Christmas Lights – 730PM Watch gaudy light shows in south philly; It’s how  Jesus would have wanted it.

Dec 19^th BJH3 run #8  Hared by Spooner somewhere in the wilds across the Delaware river

Dec 25th – Christmas and maybe a Pick up Hash
Jan 1st – The Mummers Day Joint Hash with Philly and Hockessin

Haberdashery – E  has PH3 hats for 12$.  He’s willing to do “anything” to sell them; Make him an offer he can’t refuse.

I’ve been spending more time than I would like with the TNT hash, and in the interest of intercultural exchange, I’d like to introduce some important concepts I learned from their on-sec

Beeriod (n) – weekly malady suffered by men after a night “on the pop” 

Symptoms Include: Headache, Moodiness and a bloated stomach,

“Leave me alone woman, my beeriod started this morning”

Beer Monkey (n) – a mythical simian creature which during a drunken slumber, sneaks into your bed, ruffles your hair, steals your money, and craps in your mouth

Beer Mugger (n) – the man you discover has hit you over the head and taken 35 out of your wallet the morning after you “nip out for a couple pints”

Jingle Ballzzz

I may have received complaints that I  mispelt your name.  More than once. In a different way each time.  After being reminded of the correct spelling.   Because I care, I want to take the time to personally apologize.  This sort of behaviour is unacceptable in a professional organization like this one.  After embezzling half of your hard earned hash cash, the minimum you should expect is affective proofreading.  Important things, like good grammar, spelling, and word choice, don’t just happen.

The usual crowd showed up for Halloween festivities at Westy’s. We are actually getting organized and stuff; More than half of the hash showed up in costumes that didn’t suck.  There were a few retreads from previous years, but my personal favorite was Mother Bates.  Not only was it homemade, but it was completely impractical to run it. Plus it had a little string to pull out for extra joy.  For some reason he was trying to get all the girls to pull it.  Mediocre and Stupid’s subtle button was a close second. I might have been a little distracted by other parts of her costume, but its not often you see a donkey taking it from an elephant. 

Now for the professional drinker, this was the start of a bender the likes of which Philly hadn’t seen in a long time.  With the Phillies parade early Friday morning, Halloween Friday night, was ugly.  I decided it would be much more fun to go into work on Friday instead.  I got to train grizzled old men on why they shouldn’t stick fingers near rotating objects and immediately afterwards get grilled by super-slick executive-types on why I shouldn’t have just let Darwin run its course. I got back into the city around 5 to waves of fans singing and literally staggering up the streets.   The true scale of the debauchery only really hit me when I tried to buy a beer yesterday from gay pizza on 12^th and pine and instead I had to buy a PBR because they were completely sold out.  Life is cruel in just too many ways to mention

In other news, the trail probably was good, but owing to the fact that LRRW set it, and I’m too big of a pussy to run without sneaks on, I only saw the first ½ a mile.  From what I heard, people got sweaty and drunk, and what could be wrong with that?  I met a few autohashers at the bar, and we got straight to our time honored tradition of gossiping about who is sleeping with whom. The latest happy fun slander is that Hold the Rimmer and Cleavage to Beaver have “something cookin” but Scammin ole Ladies has beef with that.

Who Came:

Just Regina – Cyndi Lauper, Muff – Forrest Gump, Wonder Blow – Sushi Chef, Sloppy Ho – Sloppy ho, Nappy headed Ho – Deflater Mouse, Sloppy Ass Kisser – Kewpie Doll, One Night Only – Mrs Robinson , Up her Ali -PETA’s Worst Nightmare, Cause For Blindness – Dalmation, Flounder – Dalmation,  Rear Engineer – Competent RA, , Just Kaytie – Pregnant Catholic Schoolgirl, Just K-T – Kat, Scammin’ Old Ladies – typical Friday night getup, Hold The Rimmer – Jason + Victim, Mediocre & Stupid – Para-Sailing, Fruit Of The Clue – Walking Biohazard, Jingle Ballzzz- 70’s runner, Where’s My Vagina – Duff WoMan, 2 Clump Chump Ben Franklin No pants, , Europeen On Me – Bat Girl, Working Girl – Avid Cyclist , Post Anal Drip – Hot Cop, Little Red Riding Wood – Da Ginja Ninja, Skin Fiddle – employed, Popeye’s Bitch – the una-baller, Cleavage To Beaver – Wonder Woman, Pisscycle – Cat, , Cherry Poppins – German Beer Girl , and Scooby Snatch – Scooby

Circle:

Circle Notes:  At some point during the circle, the skullbongo made its BFM debut.  Now it wasn’t quite a zombie killer or a flambongo, but definitely inspired more than the usual amount of follow up accusations

Hare’s: LRRW

Virgins: Liz and Janice (mild mannered reporters out for a lark)

            Lisa – Pisscycle

            John – Cleavage

            Matt and Brian – KT

Visitors: Super Teflon Dong, and I Eat Teabags from Boston. – they sung us a song we knew and liked, and all was well with the world.

Long time no seers:  Fruit, Sloppy, Europeen, Working Girl, Cherry Poppins, Just Dave,

First in/Last In: Jingle Ballzzz and Flounder

Autohash – Skinfiddle, Rash,  and some names I can’t read

Overachieving @$$ Clowns – Rash and Working Girl for running the Marine Corps Marathon

Violations – 2 Clump for not wearing pants (though isn’t that hash appropriate?)

Just Kaytie for drinking while preggers

Jingle for wearing race apparel

Muff for being ashamed of displaying his muff and hiding it under bike shorts

Sloppy for recycling costumes

Naming: We had a naming this circle.  Just Kaytie was brought out to the circle.  Stories were told of a stripper pole, and steamy nights with Mediocre and Stupid, but eventually attention was brought back to the fact that she can barely keep her website up. It was one of the quickest namings in our history, but Goes Down Often  is our newest BFMr. 

So we ran out of time for announcements and further accusations because the DJ couldn’t wait to start the music. All three of his regulars were getting DT’s from having to delay their journey fix 5 whole freaking minutes.  We eventually joined in and proceeded to put all the other participants to shame. Admittedly most of the shame was on the myriad of poor choices hashers were making, unfortunately, I left early before it really got ugly.    

Announcements:

Nov 6^th Students Run Philly Pre-lube: booze it up with students run philly starting at 630pm at Irish Pub on 12^th and Walnut, then stumble over to the hash.

Nov 6^th BFM # 246 – 730pm Pickup Hash at The Fieldhouse in Reading Terminal Market

Nov 8^th Philly Hash – 3PM hared by Scooby Snatch

Dec 4^th BFM # 250 – 730PM More fun than you can shake your stick at

Dec 11^th Festivus – 730PM The bar crawl for the rest of us.

Dec 18^th Christmas Lights – 730PM Watch the light shows in south philly; It’s how  Jesus would have wanted it.

Haberdashery – The Rash wants to keep you warm.  She hasn’t lost all touch with her soul enough to feel comfortable actually touching you yet, but she is organizing an order of fleece vests if you want in. 

QOTN: Working girl is wearing a US Govt issue condom

Jingle Ballzzz

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The lyon’s den is only a 2 block walk from my apartment, so I got there early. Just Justin and I had a conversation about western civilization in general and Philadelphia in specific, which led us to the conclusion that a gun permit is a probably pretty good idea.  In less violent news, Dr Squealgood and I admired the 6’ long mirrored yuengling sign hung on the ceiling above the bar, just begging to be used in a dirty way.  Obviously not by us, but I spied more than one hasher who was on the verge. 

I’m going to let you in on a secret.  Your crack onsec organization has a scientifically proven method for determining who has the honor of writing trash each week. Despite all of our planning though, whenever its my turn to write trash, it seems like nobody shows up.  I have a plan though, Work is threatening to send me to a foreign country so that I can work 2 weeks of straight 13hr.  For extra fun, they change the day I leave every other day so that I am left guessing my plans for the month.  As of now, I have a flight leaving in 6 hours, so you get turbo trash today

The hash began to gather  until about 7:50 or so when Ali distributed straws.  Lazy, experienced hashers tend to show up at exactly 7:59 when it is a live trail to get out of haring.  It takes the newer hashers a little while to catch on, and as a result, Just Kim drew the short straw.   Rear volunteered to “show her a good time”. No one was surprised to see the look of disappointment on her face when trail was complete.  Trail wound around south philly and up the Italian market where we passed a table piled high with VHS porn.  Of course, several of the hashers partook

Who Came:

Just Dayna, Just Aneta,  Just Justin, Jingle Ballzzz, Just Katie, Dr Squeelgood, One Night Only, Up her Ali, Midnight Tranny, Just Kt, Just Katie, SoftCore, Where’s my Vagina?, Scooby, 2 Clump, Rear Engineer, Comes Anally, Makes him Come Anally, Europeen on me, Assorted Virgins, Cherry Poppins,

Circle:

Hare’s: Just Kim, Rear

Virgins: A whole bunch written on my notes at home from multiple KT’s

Visitors: Dodger DooDoo from hotlanta. .

Long time no seers:  Just Justin and some other people

First in/Last In: somebody

Autohash – somebody else

Violations – probably happened.

Announcements:

Oct 2^nd – BFM # 241 – 730pm Toga! Toga! Toga!  Tentatively at Sugar Moms

Oct 4^th Philly Hash – 3PM hared by Sex Pack and Bunyip  in Atlantic City at New York and the boardwalk

Chug and Run Oct 4 – 8PM  - philly runners semiannual team beer mile at locust circle (the wrong side of the tracks near 25^th and locust)

Rescheduled 1hr earlier to get more drinking in

http://pub30. bravenet. com/forum/ 2500995625/ show/1181647,

Oct 9^th – BFM # 242 – 730pm Beer Snob’s Pub Crawl Tentatively south philly-ish

Oct 10:  BJH3 run #6 –  rumson pre-lude  Allaire State Park in the great state of Jersey
Hare: Broken Down Bimbo and Beer Boy: Late Cummer
Start time: 6:30, pack leaves at 6:45
Bring a flashlight, there will be spelunking of all kinds

Ask tight lips for more info

Oct 11:  DC Red Dress run
We have a NEW Venue
We have a NEW Management Team
We have a ONE OF A KIND Giveaway
We have CHEAPER PRICES THAN EVER BEFORE

http://www.whitehousehash.com/rdr/

Oct 19^th  Philly Full Moon BASH – bike hash somewhere in the city celebrating the return of the awesomest man and cyclist ever. Quoth the hares, “suck it E!”

Jingle Ballzzz

A sparser crowd than usual gathered at Johnny Bears.  Maybe it was the last gasp of summer and those hashers who have real friends outside the hash (both of them) were out enjoying the beautiful weather.  Or it could have been the general fear of non-hipster* bar south of Washington. Or maybe they just didn’t feel like it. 

In any case, Fruit of the Clue drew the short straw, and coerced Holy Fuck into helping him with promises to rock her world. As could have been expected, Fruit left us hot, bothered and completely lost around chickie and pete’s.  Someone took this as a reason to dare Pink and Puffy to do some sort of triple jump across a front lawn hedge.  The dismount wasn’t pretty, and he almost crashed face first a hedge 3 houses over.  Apparently the hash needs to be reminded again to stop harassing emerging nations or this guy will have to intervene again.

For some reason I have notes about a hairless squirrel.  Knowing the hash, this has got to be something dirty, but google* says that the most likely thing that I’m thinking of is a squirrel with mange.  Which is dirty too, but not in a good way

Eventually we found trail, and the crowd ended up at the Blue Oyster Bar   We were surrounded by cheap beer, an intimate setting, and friendly locals. I was totally ready for the bimbo’s theme to start up and spontaneous man on man salsa dancing to erupt.  Sadly and predictably I was disappointed.  After finishing our beers, Wood led us back all 3 blocks to the on-in.

* I don’t know about you, but google has been letting me down lately. First they couldn’t define the hairless squirrel, and then in my search for a picture of a hipster, I came across several pictures of women lying around in their underwear.  I’m typing this up on my work internet connection, and now I have  to figure out how I’m going to explain that I wasn’t really  looking for pictures of nekkid women, but what I actually wanted was poorly drawn stereotypes.  In related news, does anybody know anybody who is hiring?

Who Came:

Just Dayna, Just Anita, Mayor Quimby, Just Justin, Jingle Ballzzz, Just DJ, Just Katie, Dr Squeelgood, Just Kim, Virgin Pimp, Swollen Cockpit, One Night Only, Wonderblow, Sly Fox, Sloppy Ho, Target, Little Red, S&M Man, Cleavage to Beaver, Up her Ali, Fruit of the Clue, Holy Fuck, Can You Hear Me Now?, Pink and Puffy, Skinfiddle, Midnight Tranny, Nappy Headed Ho, Heave Ho

Circle:

Hare’s: Fruit, Holy Fuck

Virgins: Just DJ

Visitors: none?  Apparently word got out.

Long time no seers:  Just Justin and some other people

First in/Last In: Mother Bates and Sloppy Ho – and all the other ho’s

Autohash – Midnight Tranny to GA, Skinfiddle, Mayor Quimby and Cousin It

Violations – 2 Clump violated Can You for trolling for dates and putting his number out on the BFM email list like 15 times

Fruit was violated for being ashamed of his true nature, and covering up his shorts on the ride over so he wouldn’t be harassed

The pack then dispersed, and inhaled the awesome food kindly provided by Johnny.  Holy Fuck  was seen inhaling a brownie with a big smile on her face.  Word on the street was that these were “special” brownies

Announcements:

Sept 11th – BFM # 238 – TBD

Sept 19^th  Philly Full Moon Pulp Fiction Theme – I’m going as The Gimp

Sept 12-14^th PA Interhash – Morgantown PA

http://www.painterhash.com/

Sept 13^th Philly Roller Girls –  Roller Girls are flying in all the way from Seattle to get beat by Bumble Beaver
The Sportsplex
1331 O’Reilly Drive
Feasterville, PA 19053
5pm door 6pm Bout
as always beer and food are available for purchase/donation.

Sept 19^th  Philly Full Moon – Pulp Fiction Theme – I’m dressing up as The Gimp

Sept 20^th Philly Hash – snared by Subhuman and Snakeneck, it will be  “Conshohocken-ish”

Sept 27^th  Philly Hash – hare needed

Oct 11:  DC Red Dress run
We have a NEW Venue
We have a NEW Management Team
We have a ONE OF A KIND Giveaway
We have CHEAPER PRICES THAN EVER BEFORE

http://www.whitehousehash.com/rdr/

QOTN:

There’s no way those balls will fit in my mouth – Mother Bates

Jingle Ballzzz

So, my apartment got its long delayed spring cleaning and everything that wasn’t tied down was tossed out, and/or covered in bleach.  I had scrawled my notes on some unmarked paper, which was almost completely obliterated.  So if I forgot your name and you really were there, please let me know as soon as possible so that I can make sure that the trash is the beacon of truth and accuracy that you have come to expect.

I’ve been out of town for a few weeks; our lovely GM and I decamped for Scotland for a few weeks.  True we might have booked separate trips, and she actually spent a lot of time with some other guy, but it felt special to me.  She told me not to mention anything about it, and says that “she’s just not into me that way”, and to “stop stalking me” but I know what’s truly in her heart.  If I keep following her around, she’s bound to see the error of her ways and realize that there are some things that I can do for her that her man can’t. 

So instead of running trail, I spent about an hour blowing up water balloons in the Lloyd hall bathroom.  If you have the means, I highly recommend it, I made a bunch of friends.  My favorite was the man who came in and hung around 20 minutes or so.  Whenever anyone would open the door he would loudly exclaim, “I’m going to the bathroom”  And there I thought some of the hasher’s were strange.  In other news, there was a hasher singularity around 830pm, Sponge Bath No Pants!, Skinfiddle, and Up her Ali all magically appeared appeared at the beer check behind the art museum.  As is bound to happen in those circumstances, a hula hoop rumble broke out.  Now I held my own swinging it around my waist, but sponge bath busted out all these tricks that I wasn’t prepared for.  OverAchiever

The pack eventually ambled over and settled into the case of lager.  Eventually the water balloons were discovered. Lick Hymen was an eager participant, and must have thrown about half of them.   They were a little bit harder to burst than I had originally anticipated, apparently Rear received several bruises, but was completely dry.  We ran out of beer and balloons at about the same time, and the pack headed back on in.

Who Came:

Fire Down Under, Where’s My Vagina?, Cleavage to Beaver, The S&M Man, Sponge Bath No Pants!, Skinfiddle, Just Katie, Just Marissa, Cherry Poppins, Flounder, Cause, Rash, Little Red Riding Wood, Well Hung Jury, Sloppy Ho, Popeye’s Bitch, Popeye’s Bitch’s Bitch, Junkyard, Mediocre and Stupid, Panic Button, Gayzelle, Tour de Puke, Stunt Dick Double, 2 Clump Chump, Cousin It, Dr Squeelgood, Dr Snuffleupamuff, Rear Engineer, Subcuntinent, Anal Probonor, Up Her Ali, Just Julie, Softcore Analyst, Holy Fuck, Scooby, We’re not Voting, Cunting Season, Tight Lips, Scooby, Every Man  I Blow, Queff, Target, Mother May I, Just Rob, Jane Goodball, Cherry Poppins, Can You Hear Me Now?

Circle:

Hare’s: Up her Ali

Virgins: Just Katie, Just Marisa, Just Lisa

Visitors: Panic Button H5 (he’s visiting almost as much as deathwish and yeast of burden), Tour de Puke, Gayzelle, -  they came together to sing a disturbing version of secret agent man

Transplants: Just Rob, and Jane Goodball EWH3

Long time no seers:  Jingle, Mother May I, Popeye’s Bitch, Softcore Analyst, Cragalicious

First in: Well Hung Jury and Anal Probonor almost came to blows over who had the “honor”.  Suggestions that they mud wrestle it out to determine who truly was first were met with much gnashing of teeth. 

Last In: Cause

Autohash – skinfiddle, dr squeelgood,  flounder, cause, We’re not voting, Scooby

Violations – Just Marissa did something that I can’t read, and probably shouldn’t repeat, and all the virgins had to drink

Sloppy violated the H5 hashers for being unable to sing songs that didn’t involve cornholing.  

Good Riddance: Junkyard – going back to Arizona

Side-Sides – Flounder and S&M.  At 61 and 16 it was a meeting of the generations

The pack then dispersed, and made its way over to karaoke.  The usual drunken mess of flirting, unrequested and uncoordinated ass rubbing, off-key singing, and poor decisions commenced.  Mediocre and Stupid had to be warned more than once by to simmer down.

Apparently a bunch of songs were sung at karaoke and a responsible on-sec would have recorded them for posterity. The only one I remember was when they put GnR’s patience on in-between songs, and we shouted down whatever lame song was “sung” even after they turned off the music.

Announcements:

Haberdashery – The Rash will talk to you.  – when she’s good and ready.

August 26th – Philly Hash   - hared by Blasphemer in West Bumblef*ck

August 28th – BFM # 236 – Labor Day Pre-Lewd tentatively in Manayunk at Pour House

September 6 – Year of Strap On – Philly Hash # 1600

All day event Saturday 9.6.08

$25 (pay before July 4)

Strap On-Ninja T-Shirt – $10

Register and t-shirt here: www.phillyhash.com/strapon

Sept 12^th  Philly Full Moon ???

Sept 12-14^th PA Interhash – Morgantown PA

http://www.painterhash.com/

Oct 11:  DC Red Dress run
We have a NEW Venue
We have a NEW Management Team
We have a ONE OF A KIND Giveaway
We have CHEAPER PRICES THAN EVER BEFORE

http://www.whitehousehash.com/rdr/

Jingle Ballzzz

Its way too crappy to go outside today, and I’m exhausted from trying to keep a few hundred teenagers entertained all weekend. That means you are getting the treat of early trash. To make it extra special, I can’t read my notes, so not only will trash be worse than the drivel you have come to expect, but with the added bonus of being completely wrong as well. Try to contain your excitement.

The mob gathered at Cherry street tavern. I got there early, and wandered about aimlessly with about half the mob. Fruit of the Clue arrived, and I think I can speak for everyone in saying that we were all disappointed to learn that he (and his shorts) will be out running again. Tonight he chose something understated from “way back in the drawer.” On that note, I decided that would be a good moment to go inside to drop off my stuff, but I couldn’t help but notice Target putting The Moves on one of the virgins. Not wanting to get in the way, I skedaddled outside just in time to see our hare Little Red Riding Wood arrive back covered in chalk. Rear Engineer gathered the mob together and led us in chalk talk

Who Came:

Hold the Rimmer, Just Chad, Cause for Blindness, Flounder, Target, Cousin It, First Down (who tried to hide), Fruit of the Clue, Jingle Ballzzz, Little Red Riding Wood, Mr Muff, Pink N Puffy Rides the Huffy, Piss Cycle, Rear Engineer, Scooby Snatch, Skin Fiddle, Son of a Goat Fucker, The Rash, Two Clump Chump, Virgin Pimp, Just Jessica, Jubal, Big Tackle, Major Piece of Ass, Likes the Hard One, Anal Probonor, Sly Fox, Just Adriana, Just Pendejo, Soft Core Analyst, Capt Handaroo, Just Asley, E, Strappy, Jubal, RaidR, Dublin Dick, Just Melissa, Just Jessica, S&M man, Just Dev, Scooby, PissCycle, Panic Button, Poodle? Principal Fuckup, Can You Hear Me Now? Attilla the Hung

Trail wandered north towards the academy of sciences (where Just Peter got so distracted by the PIRATES!!!! exhibit that he crashed into a perfectly innocent curb) We ran straight through the 4^th of july food tents that had shut down Ben Franklin Parkway, and down across Wood st. before looping back towards Rittenhouse square

Trail led past the chic outdoor restaurants (and some extremely high quality plastic surgery) and behind CYHMN’s apartment building. Not wanting to be seen with us in public, he let us in through the back door, and up the freight elevator to the roof deck.. He did take care of us, there was a case of Budweiser 40’s (with a couple of extra colt 45’s) thoughtfully provided and enjoy we did. I felt just like Tina Turner in “Confidential”. Signs were posted about not throwing things off the roof, but several cunning linguists in the group noted that nothing was posted about jumping off. I know that spending enough time with you people made me seriously consider it. Eventually we meandered down and back on trail. We were supposed to be obnoxious and go straight through the screen of office space. Unfortunately there was a national security event, with the popo, paramedics, fire department, and homeland security all involved. Not wanting another wolfman incident, we got turned around and shortcutted back to the bar, where S&M Man took the initiative (and a hollowed out flamingo) to make sure we were all as drunk as possible before circle. He did his job well, we were much more of a mess than usual. Rear Engineer then gathered us together for circle

Circle:

Hare: LRRW

Virgins: Regina – Muff, Ashley – Captain Handaroo, Adriana –Self, Chrissy – Rear

Visitor: Captain Handaroo, Dublin Dick, Panic Button, and Just Melissa – there was one good joke in there about pirates, bleached blondes and eyepatches.

First In – E

Last In – Cause

Comes-Latelies – Just Chad, Principal Fuckup, Major Piece of Ass, Like the Hard One

Auto Hashers – Skin Fiddle, Pink and Puffy, and Principal Fuckup

Accusations

Jingle Ballzzz – violating his restraining order by stalking 13 year old boys on the way to hash

Scooby – being too good to run with us and biking instead.

Rimmer – running w/o his shirt. Seriously guys, I don’t think consequences are reaching this kid

RE running circle while a visitor at Baton Rouge

RE for a Viking hat violation

Jingle and Soft Core – being twinsies in the circle and representing another hash

And when one on-sec drinks, 2 Clump, Hold the Sausage, and Scooby

Skinfiddle – insulting fine guiness beer

Somebody was accused of food in circle.

Just Peter – was accused of hash crash

FOTC – was accused of poor fashion sense

Naming

We had a naming this evening, and Just Jessica kneeled before the hash. Several names were tossed out, Upper Deck Her, Betty Boob, Germ Gurgler were crowd favorites, but ultimately she was named, “Cleavage to Beaver”

Announcements:

Haberdashery – The Rash will talk to you. – when she’s good and ready.

July 8th – Philly Hash - hared by Mandongo in West Chester

July 10th – BFM # 229 – tentatively in Manayunk at 105 Social

SomeTime – Philly Full Moon Hastille Day D’Artathalon – somewhere

July 17^th BFM #230 – Shiggy on a BFM trail????. Bring long pants, and a flashlight. And maybe a rape whistle.

July 19th – Philly Roller Girls - Philly Roller Derby Doubleheader! Doors at 1, bout at 2. Bumble Beaver AKA Tara Newone will be there and promises a pool party after the night is over http://www.phillyrollergirls.com/

July 26^th – Phillies Tailgate organized by Cousin It

August 9^th – Bruce-A-Palooza in Cape May. See website

September 6 – Year of Strap On – Philly Hash # 1600

All day event Saturday 9.6.08

$25 (pay before July 4)

Strap On-Ninja T-Shirt – $10

Register and t-shirt here: www.phillyhash.com/strapon

Quotes of the Night:

Cleavage to Beaver – What are the odds I get 2 cougar cups?

S&M Man – I already told her its not going to fit in there

Just Chad – That’s classy with a K (referring to an unk hashers choice of clothing)

Cleavage to Beaver – I want to move in to this roof deck!

Unk Hasher – You mean move in with Can You?

Cleavage to Beaver – No I’d rather be homeless and indigent. But on the roof deck

Jingle Ballzzz

The mob gathered at Sugar Mom’s in ye Olde City. I got there early, and it was just way too nice a day to go inside. Most of the pack seemed in agreement; we unofficially pre-circled up outside. Usually I don’t feel like dancing, but we were about 1 happy cigarette away from swaying arm in arm and singing kumbaya together. Sloppy Ass Kisser biked into circle with her little lavender huffy little girls bike (is it just me, or does anybody else think she totally beat down some eight year old innocently riding down the street for that thing? ) . Fruit of the Clue was close behind on his bike which had no fewer than 7 mechanical devices attached to handlebars. I’m still not sure why you need a 3 phase 440V cattle prod in downtown philly, but I guess some texas habits just die hard. Anyways…

Who Came:

Cause for Blindness, Flounder, Cousin It, Deep Flute, First Down, Fruit of the Clue, Hold the Sausage, Jingle Ballzzz, Just Duffy, Lick Hyman, Little Red Riding Wood, Mr Muff, Nappy headed Ho, Nice Nuggets, Phat Ass, Pink N Puffy Rides the Huffy, Piss Cycle, Popeye’s Bitch, Rear Engineer, Scooby Snatch, Skin Fiddle Sloppy Ass Kisser, Sloppy Ho, Son of a Goat Fucker, Subcuntinent, The Rash, Tight Lips, Two Clump Chump, Virgin Pimp, Just सन्दीप्, Just Jessica, Just Dave, Just Megan, Just Justin, Cocktail Frank (Ithaca), and Just Greg.

Our esteemed RA Rear Engineer distributed straws, and our yet again a virgin Just सन्दीप् drew the short one. Our virgin is a visitor from SF, and lives in the tenderloin. This is one of the few places in the US where you can find a underage transgender thai hooker (fyi if you happen to find yourself there, try to find laura, she’s my man), crystal meth, and a government protest at 10am any day of the week. Not quite knowing what he was getting into, 2 Clump Chump volunteered to help.

Eventually the circle assembled outside and chalk talk commenced.

Trail wandered around north of olde city, but south of northern liberties through tunnels and under underpasses. Sand castle manufacture has apparently gone professional, we saw a filthy gorgeous 10 foot tall phillies sand castle in Franklin Square.

Crossing over race street there were some grooves in the asphalt formed from decades of snowplows and ambivalent maintenance. They felt like they were about chest high, and I may have slightly bumped into one of them, and made an impromptu decision to do a judo roll down the middle of the street. Maybe I was trying to impress Piss Cycle and Just Megan, with my mad ninja skills, but it didn’t work out quite as well as planned.

We got to locust bar for our beer check. It was about 500 degrees inside, so I waited outside talking with Cousin It. Apparently he is looking for head. Then again, who isn’t? A trail was set back to bar, but most of the hash just ran/walked back whatever way was easiest. On our way in, Popeye’s Bitch was headed out. He had “Stuff to do”. I’ll leave speculation about what “stuff” is as an exercise to the reader. After arriving at Sugar Mom’s brick patio, Scooby serenaded us with a slow, some would say touching version of the S&M man. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house

Circle:

Hare: Just Sundeep, 2 Clump

Virgins: Just Sundeep and 2 Clump on the one hare drinks rule, and your humble scribe on the one on-sec drinks rule

Visitor: Cocktail Frank he told us a joke about the pussywillow plant. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the last few visitors jokes

First In – Subcuntinent

Last In – Cause

Comes-Latelies – Nice Nuggets Phat Ass, Just Justin

Auto Hashers – Skin Fiddle, Fruit of Ze Clue, Pink and Puffy, and Lick Hyman

Accusations

RE was accused of being a racist and proudly displaying his half marathon jacket. And when one RA drinks, LRRW had to drink as well. They sang one of my favorites “I stick my cock/clit out” wonder twins style.

Sloppy was accused of food in circle. And when one ho/sloppy drinks, Sloppy Ass Kisser and Nappy Headed Ho drank as well

Short Distance Rimmer was accused of … something

Sloppy Ass Kisser was accused of confusing 2 Clump and Goat Fucker and under the one yada yada Sloppy Ho and Nappy Headed Ho

Snuffleupamuff was accused of screaming like a little girl

Jingle Ballzzz was unjustly accused of hash crash. And under the one on-sec, 2 Clump, Hold the Sausage, and Scooby drank as well

Hold the Sausage was accused of being an overachieving ass-clown and closing on her house right before coming to hash.

Skinfiddle was accused of being even more than a dick than usual and purposely turning on the jukebox during circle

Announcements:

Haberdashery – Talk to the Rash. 10 commandments t-shirts have been ordered, and will be delivered at prom. Due to the high volume of orders, and our commitment to shoddy workmanship, they are only 1$/commandment. If you asked her for a shirt, try to actually show up and pay her this time.

June 3rd – Philly Hash - hared by Lil Bro Pete and Bunyip in Palmyra

June 5th – BFM # 224 – at Barristers -

June 7th – Philly Roller Girls - Philly Roller Derby Championship! Doors at 5, bout at 6. Bumble Beaver AKA Tara Newone will be there and promises to end the year with a bang. http://www.phillyrollergirls.com/

June 12th – PROM!!!!! – If you really can’t get a date, I’m sure you can take your momma out.

June 27^th – BJH3 #3 – hares off at 7:30. Start location will be in Eatontown, NJ at the Home Depot on Rt 36. Hared by Tight Lips, Beer Boy: Dead man Walking

August – Phillies Tailgate – Cousin It. Be there!

Jingle Ballzzz

The mob gathered at Cavanaughs in West Philly. I got there early, and inhaled a big bean burrito a few minutes before starting the run.. The whole run, my burps tasted like salsa, and I feel pretty sorry for whoever was running behind me. But enough about me; How was the hash?

Who Came:

Just Jessica, Just Matt, Just Patricia, Virgin Pimp, Son of a Goat Fucker, First Down, Subcuntinent, Flounder, Radr, Target, Cause, Sloppy Ho, Short Distance Rimmer, Anal Pro Bonor, Rear Engineer, , PissCycle, Hold the Sausage, Stunt Dick Double, First Down, Goat Fucker, Virgin Pimp, Just Patricia, Just Jon, Popeye’s Biatch, 2 clump chump, Cherry Poppins, S&M man, Scooby, Just Taniel, Just Dave, Just Joe, Strappy, and E.

Our all-singing all-dancing RA, GM and hash-cash Rear Engineer distributed straws, and our virgin Just Dave drew the short one. Hold the Sausage quickly volunteered to help and set up a beer check. We should’ve known we could count on her to find the boys and the booze.

Eventually the circle assembled outside and chalk talk commenced.

Trail went over around and through penn, which was surrounded by graduating seniors in matching t-shirts making clumsy passes at each other and getting hammered in west philly. I almost got confused and followed the wrong pack. Luckily I was set straight by a large pile of wire hangers laid on trail, It made the campus look like some two dollar a week furnished room in Oklahoma, and I realized what my true direction in life was

Trail eventually wound into a parking garage. Unfortunately Five-O was waiting for us, and wouldn’t let us through. She had a look on her face that said, “don’t fuck with me fellas, this ain’t my first time at the rodeo” We decided that short cutting around might be a decent idea.

Trail meandered around the hospital, and across the south street bridge over to He’s a Lesbian’s bar. Right before the bridge, we ran into Target who had been forewarned of the beer check location, and was walking there. Just Jessica and Pisscycle took the opportunity to walk him in and do dirty things with him in the dark.

While we were drinking, another police car pulled up, and our faithful bartender went off to the cruiser to give O’Malley his pay-off. One of the sharp eyed drunks behind the bar took this opportunity to top off everybody’s glass. Sloppy Ho was upset that because philly is too cheap for surveillance cameras, he didn’t get busted and banned like she did when she pulled the same stunt in DC.

Outside of the bar, a creepy old man out front started a conversation with me. Apparently ishkabibl had something to say about the number three (3). It was very important that I get that straight. Sometimes I wonder if I have a sign on my forehead that asks creepy people to talk with me. I don’t know why I can’t get the respect that I deserve.

Circle:

Hare: Just Dave, Hold the Sausage

Virgins: Just Dave

First In – Just Jon

Last In – E?

Auto Hashers – Anal Probonor, Rear Engineer,

Comes Latelys – Cherry Poppins, Just Joe

Accusations

E accused Just Jon of reminding him way too much of his nemesis Lance Armstrong.

Short Distance Rimmer was accused of some bizarre shoe numbering/changing ritual.

E was accused of knocking some chick up. Twice. Seriously, people, don’t drink and park, accidents cause people. Get yourself some protection over here.

Announcements:

Haberdashery – Talk to the Rash. 10 commandments t-shirts are coming. Reserve one before may 23, or get ready to start crying into your beer now because you will not get one at prom.

Limited Time Offer!: The S&M man currently has blue pubic hair. Ask him for a special viewing

May 22st – BFM # 222 – Green Street 730 – special double-secret circle location

May 27 – Philly Hash - hared by Baby Huey

June 7 – Philly Roller Girls - Philly Roller Derby Championship! Doors at 5, bout at 6. Bumble Beaver AKA Tara Newone will be there and promises to end the year with a bang. http://www.phillyrollergirls.com/

June 12 – PROM!!!!! – If begging for a date hasn’t worked, try stalking instead. How will she know you really care unless you spend the whole night watching her sleep through her window?

August – Phillies Tailgate – Cousin It. Be there!

Quote of the Night

Is that the thing you suck on and stuff comes out?– Short Distance Rimmer

Jingle Ballzzz