BFM #414 – What! Are you new??
It was one of those nights. You are excited to hash but it’s been raining all day. It’s also cold. The choice between the hash and staying home with a bad movie and spanking it; is a hard one. (You betcha, I said hard!) However, you muster the courage to get off the couch and burn off some steam from another day of your pointless job and pointless existence.
Luckily, we were at a NEW BAR! Chef Boy or Horse hooked us up with Tabu Sports Bar in the Gayborhood. I think the fancy name for the neighborhood is Washington Square West. In this area, it’s actually is really hard to find a bar who won’t fleece your paycheck or who can deal with the hash’s chicanery. It was nice to be back in the hood!
Tabu was a great place for the hash. Three floors! Good beer! Great food! Gays! Really Gay Karaoke! Entertaining stickers – like Lionshead, “the best head you can ever get.”
Since it is a gay bar, it was decided that only the men should check in on Foursquare. (-:
Also, many stiff jokes were made. Yes, we said stiff!
A new fantastic name for a new victim was also created. “Takes it up the Ass like a Man in a Gay Bar” If you haven’t been named, watch out!
The brave souls who showed up for the cold and rainy: Flip Her Over, Taco? I Hardly Know Her? Punany Puri, Hold the Sausage, Short Distance Rimmer, Atiila the Hung, Up Her Ali, Just Matt, Son of Goat Fucker, Do Daddy, Tits of Steel, Brave Cock, Uncle Bad Touch, Shop N Fuck, Where’s My Vagina, Just Carla, Shop n Fuck, and many more!
Trail
Well, we had a virgin hare, Shop n Fuck. He had scoped the trail out earlier, but with the rain, he was worried the chalk had all been washed away. So, he also had the trail in flour. He also promised us not one, but two beer checks!
Pros: TWO beer checks!
Cons: Virgin hare means we may never find them!
Eventually, the GM took us outside around the back in the rain. (She does love the torture!) We learned about the marks and went on our way.
But!!
We were check hung around Tabu but at least 20 minutes. The rain did its duty and we couldn’t find a damn thing. Truly amazing we just didn’t go on in.
We did get to witness an epic bus accident though. A car tried to go around a Septa bus and take a right from the left lane. That didn’t work out that well for the car. The heckling from the neighbors was equally amusing.
Eventually, trail was found and we headed down Walnut Street and then down Locust Street.
Now remember its wet, cold, raining, and no one can find trail. Crankiness abounded!
We went through Washington Square West past the eternal flame. The S&M man and I had a fun time making up our own words to the Eternal Flame song, hash style. New hash song maybe?
The pack then went across the street to the park behind Independence Hall. Another clue our hare was new. He missed the epic day where someone went to jail for setting white flour in a historical area. No one got arrested this time and we continued downtown towards a beer check, hopefully!?
The trail went all the way down to Front Street and we were all sure that the beer check was at Drinkers. Well! No! We kept running like Forest Gump for another spell. Finally we came up across the alley that led to Paddy’s. Beer awaited!!
In the bar, I ran into Broken Rod’s brother. What are the odds? Like the odds of a virgin puking at DSDGS. (bank shot extra credit)
After warming up our bellies with beer, we went back on trail in search of beer check #2.
Well, beer check #2 wasn’t back toward the bar as we were hoping. We ran across Franklin Square and towards the Northern Liberties. When we crossed Spring Garden Street, I thought there was going to be a riot. We came across a new mark, a BCBN, a back check, beer near. Which means you run back to the nearest bar… This was another sign that our hare was new!
The nearest bar was TJ McGillicuddy’s. We were served by our hare with more beer! (Bribery works, it really does!) The bar was full of chicks that had to be porn stars and their pimp daddies. (and randos!)
We finished our beers and went ON IN. Though the ghetto! Through the Chinatown! Through the Convention Center!
Eventually, the pack was back at the bar and headed straight to their dry bags, which were located in the basement. We were joined by many autohashers, the smart people who didn’t risk pneumonia for beer.
Also in the basement were many, many yards of bad beer with their taps. This was a happy, happy night!!
Circle
Now getting more lubed up, the pack gathered for circle.
We had a guest RA, Short Distance Rimmer, since none of the RAs could make the hash. He might have just wanted to get drunk since the natives are usually restless and looking for a victim for their ire.
Hare: Shop N Fuck
Visitors: None (word has gotten out)
Virgins -I think we still had two.
Autohashers: Two Clump Chump, Short Distance Rimmer, Midnight Tranny to Georgia, Hold the Sausage, Tube Cock, Bonzai Bush, Cleavage to Beaver , Uncle Bad Touch, Semen on the Poop Deck
First In and Last In: Flip Her Over, Just Val, Just Dana
Long Time No Seers – Cleavage to Beaver, Midnight Tranny, Puni, S&M Man, Just Matt, Semen on the Poop Deck
Accusations:
Shop N Fuck – For being a new hare
Semen on the Poop Deck – Something gay bar related
Uncle Bad Touch – For being himself
Where My Vagina – Beat by a lesbian
2 Daddy Do – Wrong hairstyle, ponytail versus pigtails
Flip Her Over – For roofie laden beer
Taco – Checking in at the beer check
He’s a Lesbian – For putting roofies in drinks
Bad Touch – For stalling
Tranny – Well – it’s a gay bar
Shop N Fuck – For the Porn Stars
Goat Fucker – Thirsty (Yep!)
S&M Man – For badly impersonating Scooby Snatch
Chef Boy or Horse – For untouchable hot guys at gay bar
Announcements:
Do Shots, Don’t Get Shot – Just happened
Green Dress Weekend – March 15-18th – it will be epic!!
BFM AGM – February 16th! Go!
Tits Haring Philly Hash – February 4th in Manayunk
He’s a Lesbian Haring Philly Hash – February 18th
Cousin It Phillies Tailgate – In the summer! Maybe!
The circle was closed upon the worst fart we had ever smelled in our puny existences.
In my little corner of the bar, I was sure it was Semen on the Poop Deck. He seemed like a good guy to blame.
I got the secrets of setting a virgin trail from Shop N Fuck. (And why having children is a good or bad idea from Shop N Fuck and Taco)
From there, the hashers finished the beer yards. Some ate, some futilely hit on other hashers, some were better at it than others, some more interested than others. I think I ran into a hasher they call Scooby Snatch. (It might have been a dream, who knows.)
Despite the miserable weather, we were all were glad we put of the spanking it until later in the evening.
Until next time, on, on,
UHA
Overheard at the hash:
“I’m not THAT disgusting” Female Hashers
“You can be my date to… Male in Bar
“What?” Female in Bar
“It’s just brunch!?” Male in Bar
“It’s not really much like a gay bar!” Male Hasher
“Did you see the Karaoke?” Female Hasher