It was one of those nights. You are excited to hash but it’s been raining all day. It’s also cold. The choice between the hash and staying home with a bad movie and spanking it; is a hard one. (You betcha, I said hard!) However, you muster the courage to get off the couch and burn off some steam from another day of your pointless job and pointless existence.

Luckily, we were at a NEW BAR! Chef Boy or Horse hooked us up with Tabu Sports Bar in the Gayborhood. I think the fancy name for the neighborhood is Washington Square West. In this area, it’s actually is really hard to find a bar who won’t fleece your paycheck or who can deal with the hash’s chicanery. It was nice to be back in the hood!

Tabu was a great place for the hash. Three floors! Good beer! Great food! Gays! Really Gay Karaoke! Entertaining stickers – like Lionshead, “the best head you can ever get.”

Since it is a gay bar, it was decided that only the men should check in on Foursquare. (-:

Also, many stiff jokes were made. Yes, we said stiff!

A new fantastic name for a new victim was also created. “Takes it up the Ass like a Man in a Gay Bar” If you haven’t been named, watch out!

The brave souls who showed up for the cold and rainy: Flip Her Over, Taco? I Hardly Know Her? Punany Puri, Hold the Sausage, Short Distance Rimmer, Atiila the Hung, Up Her Ali, Just Matt, Son of Goat Fucker, Do Daddy, Tits of Steel, Brave Cock, Uncle Bad Touch, Shop N Fuck, Where’s My Vagina, Just Carla, Shop n Fuck, and many more!

Trail

Well, we had a virgin hare, Shop n Fuck. He had scoped the trail out earlier, but with the rain, he was worried the chalk had all been washed away. So, he also had the trail in flour. He also promised us not one, but two beer checks!

Pros: TWO beer checks!
Cons: Virgin hare means we may never find them!

Eventually, the GM took us outside around the back in the rain. (She does love the torture!) We learned about the marks and went on our way.

But!!

We were check hung around Tabu but at least 20 minutes. The rain did its duty and we couldn’t find a damn thing. Truly amazing we just didn’t go on in.

We did get to witness an epic bus accident though. A car tried to go around a Septa bus and take a right from the left lane. That didn’t work out that well for the car. The heckling from the neighbors was equally amusing.

Eventually, trail was found and we headed down Walnut Street and then down Locust Street.

Now remember its wet, cold, raining, and no one can find trail. Crankiness abounded!

We went through Washington Square West past the eternal flame. The S&M man and I had a fun time making up our own words to the Eternal Flame song, hash style. New hash song maybe?

The pack then went across the street to the park behind Independence Hall. Another clue our hare was new. He missed the epic day where someone went to jail for setting white flour in a historical area. No one got arrested this time and we continued downtown towards a beer check, hopefully!?

The trail went all the way down to Front Street and we were all sure that the beer check was at Drinkers. Well! No! We kept running like Forest Gump for another spell. Finally we came up across the alley that led to Paddy’s. Beer awaited!!

In the bar, I ran into Broken Rod’s brother. What are the odds? Like the odds of a virgin puking at DSDGS. (bank shot extra credit)

After warming up our bellies with beer, we went back on trail in search of beer check #2.

Well, beer check #2 wasn’t back toward the bar as we were hoping. We ran across Franklin Square and towards the Northern Liberties. When we crossed Spring Garden Street, I thought there was going to be a riot. We came across a new mark, a BCBN, a back check, beer near. Which means you run back to the nearest bar… This was another sign that our hare was new!

The nearest bar was TJ McGillicuddy’s. We were served by our hare with more beer! (Bribery works, it really does!) The bar was full of chicks that had to be porn stars and their pimp daddies. (and randos!)

We finished our beers and went ON IN. Though the ghetto! Through the Chinatown! Through the Convention Center!

Eventually, the pack was back at the bar and headed straight to their dry bags, which were located in the basement. We were joined by many autohashers, the smart people who didn’t risk pneumonia for beer.

Also in the basement were many, many yards of bad beer with their taps. This was a happy, happy night!!

Circle

Now getting more lubed up, the pack gathered for circle.

We had a guest RA, Short Distance Rimmer, since none of the RAs could make the hash. He might have just wanted to get drunk since the natives are usually restless and looking for a victim for their ire.

Hare: Shop N Fuck

Visitors: None (word has gotten out)

Virgins -I think we still had two.

Autohashers: Two Clump Chump, Short Distance Rimmer, Midnight Tranny to Georgia, Hold the Sausage, Tube Cock, Bonzai Bush, Cleavage to Beaver , Uncle Bad Touch, Semen on the Poop Deck

First In and Last In: Flip Her Over, Just Val, Just Dana

Long Time No Seers – Cleavage to Beaver, Midnight Tranny, Puni, S&M Man, Just Matt, Semen on the Poop Deck

Accusations:

Shop N Fuck – For being a new hare

Semen on the Poop Deck – Something gay bar related

Uncle Bad Touch – For being himself

Where My Vagina – Beat by a lesbian

2 Daddy Do – Wrong hairstyle, ponytail versus pigtails

Flip Her Over – For roofie laden beer

Taco – Checking in at the beer check

He’s a Lesbian – For putting roofies in drinks

Bad Touch – For stalling

Tranny – Well – it’s a gay bar

Shop N Fuck – For the Porn Stars

Goat Fucker – Thirsty (Yep!)

S&M Man – For badly impersonating Scooby Snatch

Chef Boy or Horse – For untouchable hot guys at gay bar

Announcements:

Do Shots, Don’t Get Shot – Just happened

Green Dress Weekend – March 15-18th – it will be epic!!

BFM AGM – February 16th! Go!

Tits Haring Philly Hash – February 4th in Manayunk

He’s a Lesbian Haring Philly Hash – February 18th

Cousin It Phillies Tailgate – In the summer! Maybe!

The circle was closed upon the worst fart we had ever smelled in our puny existences.

In my little corner of the bar, I was sure it was Semen on the Poop Deck. He seemed like a good guy to blame.

I got the secrets of setting a virgin trail from Shop N Fuck. (And why having children is a good or bad idea from Shop N Fuck and Taco)

From there, the hashers finished the beer yards. Some ate, some futilely hit on other hashers, some were better at it than others, some more interested than others. I think I ran into a hasher they call Scooby Snatch. (It might have been a dream, who knows.)

Despite the miserable weather, we were all were glad we put of the spanking it until later in the evening.

Until next time, on, on,

UHA

Overheard at the hash:

“I’m not THAT disgusting” Female Hashers

“You can be my date to… Male in Bar
“What?” Female in Bar
“It’s just brunch!?” Male in Bar

“It’s not really much like a gay bar!” Male Hasher
“Did you see the Karaoke?” Female Hasher

There is this thing called winter. You might have heard of it? It’s when it’s cold and you are sure the population of Philly has gown down by at least 50%. When your balls literally freeze off and the conversations turn to the merits of having a fleece dick sock on trail. (You have to protect the jewels, you just have to!)

Well… this year, Mother Nature is confused? I guess this winter really starts in February? Let’s see what the Groundhog tells us. He is more accurate than the weather forecast or 100% of political commentary.

So, on this fine night in January, the temperature was again well over freezing. So, old snow + temps over freezing = fog. (Math is hard!)

My attempt to get to the hash as late as possible was foiled by leaving my house WAY too early to walk over the hash to enjoy the unseasonable weather. I was VERY happy being back at one of my favorite Philly bars, The Irish Pol. It’s the perfect combination of dive bar and beer snob bar. It’s also in Old City. The rest of bars in Old City can be full of pretentious douche bags from Jersey. It was nice to be safe for at least one night.

I walk in and the straws are being passed out by Hold the Sausage. (Note: This is WAY too early to come to the hash.) She looked particularly happy passing out the straws (I think she loves watching others suffer.) My hands were full with my bag, iPhone, your mom, so I asked Two Clump Chump to pick a straw for me. Well, he picked the short straw for me. (Probably on purpose!) So, I was haring. Hold the Sausage felt bad about my fate and was probably concerned that I may get lost in the fog alone and confiscate the flour; joined me for the sojourn. Eventually, after plotting how to save the world one hash mark at a time, we were off.

Back at the Ranch, the other wankers were gathered. They were all breathing a sigh of relief that they were off the hook and enjoying the fabulous microbrew. This evening’s suckers included: Two Clump Chump, Hold The Sausage, Short Distance Rimmer, Flip Her Over, He’s a Lesbian, Attila the Hung, S&M Man, Taco? I Hardly Know Her, One Inch In, Soft Core Anal-ist, Chef Boy or Horse, Uncle Bad Touch, Son of Goat Fucker, Can You Hear Me Now, many Virgins who may never come back and others that I forgot to write down because I suck. (You are done with me in a couple of weeks! Forever! Ever!)

Trail

I would like to recount the trail as a pack member, but alas, I cannot. However, a lot of people got lost, so I feel like we did our job. I also think we lost 100% of our virgins, which is really overachieving when setting trail!

The trail went through the many streets and alleys in Old City. We tried to be tricky because being pants-ed by Two Clump is embarrassing.

Then, we ran on the Columbus Boulevard, or if you aren’t into who really didn’t discover the New World, Delaware Avenue.

It was absolutely creep-tastic! Fog and mayhem! You couldn’t see more than 10 feet in front of you! Woot! A hares dream!

We continued to venture down the CB/DA passed Penns Landing. You know the tourist attraction of buses, concrete and the great view of Camden, NJ. (The second most dangerous city in the USA) We went to the high ground which offered a really cool view of the Penns Landing Ice Rink. From there, more of DE Avenue – across DE Avenue, – then to South Street – then a beloved Beer Check at Manny Browns. At the beer check, Hold the Sausage and I proved that our psychic ability was in tact when we knew to order exactly 15 beers.

From there, it was ON-IN with at least a playground on the way.

Circle

Back at the bar, we were ushered upstairs to be reunited with our bags. We were joined by some auto hashers who stayed for the beer and stayed away from creep-tastic.

Beer was procured, the hash was recounted, hashers rejoiced as the cans of the Miller High Life were passed out. (Champagne, bitches!)

Rear Engineer started the circle. All I can say, is sometimes you have it, sometimes you don’t. Sir Rear Engineer was ON that night. A fun circle was in store for all!

Hares:
Up Her Ali and Hold the Sausage

Virgins:
Just Randy – Penis in My Ear made him cum
Just Troy – Just Randy made him cum
Just Alison – Just Troy mad her cum
Just Dana – Someone made her cum (can’t read my damn writing)

First In and Last In:
Attila the Hung, Gay Mathews Lambs, S&M Man

Cums Lately:
Flip Her Over, Can You Hear Me Now?

Autohahers:
Taco, I Hardly Know Her, He’s a Lesbian, One Inch In, S&M Man

Accusations:
Attila the Hung – Stopped the bartender from pouring beer for the hasher for his food – This is a simpe equation BEER > FOOD

Gay Mathews Lamb – For spilling beer

Two Clump Chump – For not already having five accusations already

Taco – For his job getting in the way of trail – aka, something about predators
Another simple equation HASH > WORK

Uncle Bad Touch – Putting his hand in garbage can (Very Clifford of you!)

Virgins – For being a human centipede

Flip Her Over – For something wrong and S&M Man drank for it

Gay Mathews Lamb – Racist behavior

Two Clump – Size related accusation

Son of Goat Fucker – Thirsty (per usual!)

Then Autohashers showed up, Just Carla and Her Lady Friend, Just Saskia?

Announcements:

Do Shots, Don’t Get Shot – It just happened, you probably don’t remember it!

BFM AGM – February 16th at Yards Brewery, it will be epic, go!!

Birthday:

It was He’s a Lesbian birthday. The RA called for all hands on deck and ALL of the ladies lifted him. No one died and only some man junk was accidentally touched. (And he liked it! He is a Mikey!)

From there, circle was closed. Some of the pack disbursed and some stayed to drink more beers. From what I can remember, many of the male hashers scoped out the new female that Just Carla brought to the hash. It IS the Year of the Sausage Fest! We ate food, drank more beer, and then went out into the good night.

Until next time, if there IS a next time.

UHA

Overheard at the hash:
“We need Carriers”
“ We’re all Carriers”

Remember when the history channel had actual shows about history on it, rather than shows about people who rebuild broken things, chop down trees, live with their cousins in swamps, own a pawn shop, and my personal favorite, two glorified dumpster divers who drive around the country and try to buy things like oil cans from hoarders.

Truth be told, I like “Pawn Stars” better than “American Pickers” mainly because the main character looks more like me than that picture in Callahan’s does. But, sadly, whenever I try to clean my house, or getting to the hash on time, I make the mistake of turning on the TV and sit mesmerized because that silly show is on. So, my excuse this time for not going into Manayunk and running up and down those damn hills in the cold was because I was watching two yokels try to con a shut in out of his Ortlieb Beer sign. But eventually, I did drag myself out there and when I parked in the garage next to (Live with it, Uncle, there’s a point to this!) I was dumbfounded to see a 48-star American flag hanging from the wall. The building used to be the home of an American legion lodge that sadly went under, and left a bunch of memorabilia inside. Pretty cool history lesson there. But the bar was chosen, not for the history around the corner but for the fact that EVERY beer is $2 a pint, Guinness included. I see a new hash home.

YUNKERS:
Hold The Sausage, Rear Engineer, Brave Cock, Gay Matthews Lamb, Flipper Over, He’s A Lesbian, Just Kaitlin, Just Karla, Just Keith, Short Distance Rimmer, Uncle Bad Touch, Tits Of Steel, Chef Boy Or Horse, Just Peter, Shop & Fuck, Soft Core Analist, and Taco I Barely Know Her.

TRAIL
Tits one again volunteered to be hare, or just has a predilection for picking a short straw, and decided to lead the merry little pack up and down the hills, with a beer stop, according to Tits, at an abandoned burned out Carmelo’s on the island near Manayunk. I checked and it sounded suspiciously like the site of the old Arroyo Grill where 11 years ago a bunch of us threw rotten tomatoes at a billboard sign of Ira Einhorn. Anyway, apparently there were some pot heads nearby who pissed off everyone at the beer check by not coming over to share, but I digress. One of these days, I might actually have to run and enjoy the trail. Or at least the faces of “normal” people when they saw the mask that Shop & Fuck was wearing. Holy shit was that thing creepy.

CIRCLE:
HARE: Tits Of Steel
FIRST IN / LAST IN: Gay Matthews Lamb / Uncle Bad Touch
VIRGIN: Just Kaitlin, Uncle Bad Touch made her come (We checked her ID, shockingly she’s over 21)
Auto Hashers: He’s A Lesbian, Chef Boy Or Horse

ACCUSATIONS:
Short Distance Rimmer for fucking up the circle
Just Keith for race-ist behavior at the end
Hold The Sausage for a raceist shirt and Tits Of Steel under the “when one GM drinks” rule
Shop & Fuck for his mask
Flipper Over for not squeaking
He’s A Lesbian for hating women. (I don’t hate women, I just think they should drink from a separate water fountain)
Shop & Fuck for taking away Uncle Bad Touch’s job of making children cry and then Uncle Bad Touch under the “When one asshole with five fingers shoes drinks..” rule
Flipper for doing yoga on trail
Tits for pointing and not with her boobs and Hold the Sausage under the “When one GM drinks..” rule
Flipper for alcohol abuse
Hold The Rimmer for having his high-beams on
Chef Boy Or Horse for being our token
Uncle Bad Touch for being an asshole and Shop and Fuck under the “when one asshole with five fingers…” rule
Brave Cock for having a porn stache
Rear Engineer for looking thirsty

ANNOUNCEMENTS:
Philly hash at Krupas, you missed it, it was fun
Do Shots Don’t Get Shot on the 27th of Jan

NAMING
Apparently at last weeks hash in olde city, Just Carla told a story about comparing vagina flaps with her friends that made Uncle Bad Touch go apoplectic, and start bouncing up and down, so we reopened the circle and she was brought out for a naming, finally. During her waterboarding, we learned that she is a two pump chump and you blow it in and she’s done, to which she replied, “Saskia! That Bitch!” Apparently Uncle Bad Touch was right about why he almost broke his wrist last week, she DID have a party with her girlfriends where they judged each other’s anatomy (who had the bests breasts, biggest nipples, train wreck downstairs) and apparently she had the worst roast beef curtains. Other non-important items gleaned were that plantains were her favorite fruit (bananas weren’t good enough) Her most embarrassing sexual moment was when she queefed and farted at the same time, coining a new phrase, “Quarted”

Suggestions for a naming included, Where It Like A Hat, Farts On Top, Quarts On Top, Beef Curtains, Choreeza Curtains, Flapper Snapper, Blowing in the Wind, Blow Me In The Wind, Roast Beef Cowgirl, Bay Of Pigs, Bay Of Roast Beef, Not Kosher, and Quart. This last one had everyone lose their mind laughing and she will now forever be known as Quart, welcome, YFF.

NAMING # 2
We were on a roll now, so Just Peter was then drug in and Gitmoed into spilling the following beans:
He worked for Geico, he drives a Ford Fiesta, went to Penn State, one time, put Gold Bond on his junk, Sexual preference is male women, yada yada yada

Suggestions were; Lizard licker, Burning Lizard, Running From Sandusky, Lizard Fucker, Manual Fiesta, Brown Eye the Sailor Man, Fiesta Lizard Fuck, Sandusky’s Kid, Jerry’s Kid, votes were taken and he will forever be known as Manual Fiesta. Welcome, YFF

With that, the hash meandered out into the cold…

OVERHEARD AT THE HASH

“Your face tastes like shit” Just Karla

“Just Carla with a fucking C, you dickhead!” – Just Carla, reading over my shoulder

“fucking lizards makes his hands look huge” – unk hasher

ON Queefing:
“It’s like your vagina’s talking” Tits of Steel
“It’s a horrible name, but if we market it right…”- unk hasher

“I think queefing is great” – Quart
“You’re right, it’s like special sex” – Tits
“It sounds good coming in going out” Quart

“One of my bests friends queefs on command, it sounds like “pffffft”” –unk hasher

“When I was 25 I came in second place in a booty shaking contest.” – hasher #1 (assumed Quart)
“Not a queefing contest?” Hasher #2

“A guy would be more likely to fuck a dog in the ass. Trust me, I looked this up.” – unk hasher, assumed TOS

“Most girls would not fuck dogs but they might put peanut butter in their vagina”- I give up

Well, I hadn’t been at the hash in a real long time, and finally had some time to go there. Since I was lazy, I figured I’d continue uphold my New years Resolution to do my Skin Fiddle impression and autohash. I schlepped into Cherry Street in the hopes of swilling some Smithwicks (pronounced Smeticks here, and spelled Kilkenny in Europe) or a nice pint of brown creamy goodness (Guinness). Sadly, there was none. When did this shit happen? I won’t tell you how easy it was to find a parking spot anymore, since Uncle Bad Touch kept bitching about it. Suffice to say, I wonder if PA regards Turrets’ Syndrome as a handicap, and who hasn’t driven with turrets’?

ANYWAY, inside, I found that Up Her Ali had a mild crisis at home that required her immediate attention and thrust into my hands a familiar Write In The Rain notebook, demanding I return it to her. Um, didn’t I LOAN this to you, Ali? You’ll get it back when I finally get a girlfriend. Yep, start looking for a new one. Sadly, there were NO virgins at the Cherry Street Tavern, SACRILEDGE!

WHO LOST THEIR CHERRIES PREVIOUSLY:
Up Her Ali, Midnight Tranny To Georgia, Chernoblow, 3 Balls, Rear Engineer, Two Clump Chump, Taco I Barely Know Her, Penis In My Ear, Uncle Bad Touch, Son Of A Goatfucker, One Inch In, Tits Of Steel, Where’s My Vagina, Chef Boy Or Horse, He’s A Lesbian, Just Peter, Shop & Fuck, Soft Core Analist, 69th Amendment, and Gay Matthews Lamb

For whatever reason, Two Clump had a New Years Resolution not to hare anymore, so Tits Of Steel announced she was doing her impression of Two Clump and volunteered to hare. So, away she went and laid a..

TRAIL:
Apparently, according to Ali’s Notes, the trail meandered all over center city, past Maces crossing, near a tree, where Chernoblow kissed it, around City Hall, before ending up at McGillans for a beer stop. It then wound it’s way back to Cherry Street. Everyone came inside, where One Inch In led a raucous….

CIRCLE:
HARE: Tits Of Steel
FIRST IN / LAST IN: One Inch In forgot this (It was Rear/ 69th Amendment
CUMS LATELIES: He’s A Lesbian, Soft Core Analist, Uncle Bad Touch, Gay Matthews Lamb
AUTOHASHERS: He’s A Lesbian, Two Clump Chump

ACCUSATIONS:
One Inch In for forgetting First In/Last In
Shop & Fuck: Self Accusation (Can you DO that?)
Rear Engineer for using a rusty spoon
Son Of A Goatfucker for looking thirsty as usual
Chernoblow for attacking a tree with her face
Chernoblow and Chef Boy Or Horse for matchy matchy
Soft Core Analist for forgetting something or other
Penis In My Ear for being in North Philly without a knife or gun and Shop & Fuck and Uncle Bad Touch under the when one idiot with five finger shoes drinks rule
Son Of A Goatfucker for NOT stepping on a crack to break his mother’s back
Uncle Bad Touch for not enjoying 69th Amendment’s tits
Just Peter for looking thirsty
Where’s My Vagina for being something or other
Chef Boy Or Horse for dressing like a giant health bar
Soft Core Analist for not maintaining drinking skills
He’s A Lesbian for not hearing slow down

ANNOUNCEMENTS:
Sat Kenwood Park (you missed it)
Full Moon Do Shots Don’t Get Shot on Friday the 27th of Jan
BFM AGM Feb 16th Yards brewery

And with that, the hash wandered into the night…

OVERHEARD AT THE HASH:

“We’re not talking about drinking with 17 year olds.” – Two Clump
“I thought that was your thing.”- Uncle Bad Touch

“She’s practicing positions” – unk hasher

“Did you just call him ‘gloryhole’?” – Rear Engineer

“When you see enough penises, you think, hey, a dick’s a dick’s a dick” – unk hasher (guess who)

“She laid a false trail in front of a bar. What a cunt!” – unk hasher (well, almost everyone said that)

“We have to start writing down things at the hash that people say.” – Tits Of Steel (on the way to announce the Bin Laden killing)

“Lesbian, you know what’s a great idea? A Dick ta phone”- guess

“You just made three penises wilt. Mine is now up my ass.” – Gay Matthews Lamb

“I’m trying to perfect my legacy, that’s why abortion clinics have raised their prices” – unk hasher

“One is enough” – unk hasher
“I thought eight is enough?” – Two Clump Chump

“My boobs are oscillating” – Unk female hasher (Assumed TOS)

“Nailing a roommate is bad, but nailing an ex-roomate is good because you can always block them on Facebook.” – Tits of Steel
“Pink and puffy was your roommate?” – He’s A Lesbian

“I tell that to every girl I’m seeing that I have an open relationship. Hey don’t write that down” – Gay Matthews Lamb

“Seriously, don’t write that down.” – Gay Matthews Lamb

“She’s sending you signals by spreading her legs.”- Two Clump Chump
“Actually, I’m doing a wall-sit.” – Tits Of Steel

The holiday weekend left me with a problem that most hashers only dream of, a surplus of beer. I offered to the GM a free beer check with the caveat that I was not laying straws. I loaded my car, drove to Loyd Hall parking lot, and then ran to the Green Room where I saw:

Who Came
Attila the Hung, Bonsai Bush, Bumble Beaver, Chef Boy or Horse, Cum on my Tits, Dr. Squeal Good, Hold the Rimmer, Holy F*ck, Just Al, Just Amy, Just Carla, Just Emily, Just Kim, Just Peter, Just Nancy, Just Nick, Pen is in my Ear, Rear Engineer, 69th Amendment, Son of Goat F*cker, Tits of Steel, Tube Cock, and Urine Luck.

Trail
Straws were drawn and Just Nick pulled the short one, I asked if he knew how to get to Loyd Hall, and he replied “not really”. Seriously people, anyway Pen is in my Ear offered to co-hare and off the two went. The trail went west then north then more west. The hares did their best to make the trail as easy as possible. After a back check at the big green bridge on Brown, the trail wound its way down to the Art Museum. Now a quick side bar, the one piece of advice I gave the duo was to be mindful of how they get to Loyd Hall as not to cross their own path on the return trip. Well they did, or they would have, but instead they pointed to the bar and said “On In”. I guess that is acceptable hash behavior.

Circle
Hare: Pen is in My Ear, Just Nick
Virgins: Just Amy via Just Nick, Just Amy and Just Al via Just Nancy, Just Kim and Just Emily via The Green Room
First in/ Last in: Son of Goat F*cker/ Cum on my Tits
Cums Lately: Attila the Hung, Bumble Beaver, Holy F*ck
Visitors: Cum on my Tits Pittsburg H3
Auto Hashers: Bonsai Bush, Bumble Beaver, Holy Fuck, 69th Amendment

Accusations:
Pen is in my Ear for having a chubby in circle and under when one hare drinks, Just Nick
Tube Cock for not giving his wife enough down down practice
Urine Luck for not getting in bed with Tits of Steel
Holy F*ck for not bringing Charley to a dog friendly bar and under when one auto, Bonsai Bush, Bumble Beaver, Holy Fuck, 69th Amendment
Son of a Goat F*cker for being thirsty
Rear Engineer for not pointing out that Goat F*cker was thirsty
Just Al for racist shirt
Just Nancy for accusing her own virgin rather than warning him
One Inch In for saying it was too cold for a blow job
Goat F*cker for his wife getting a new job
Short Distance Rimmer for sucking a 5yr old (beer) in the locker room
Dr. Squeal Good for alcohol abuse and under when one medical professional drinks, 69th, Sausage, and Bumble Beaver and under when one auto hasher drinks, Bonsai Bush and Holy F*ck
One Inch In for stopping booby play in the circle
Tits of Steel for complaining about her pants falling off on trail
Rimmer for slurring in circle (which turned into a social)

At this time Just Nick was called into the circle for a laming. We found out things like he is Greek, married, an accountant, and proposed to his wife at a shopping center. With that he was named Shop and F*ck and another hasher was born.

Announcements
Philly H3 January 13th it will be awesome
Saturday January 7th Free Beer Hash at the Harrisburg Hershy H3

After circle was closed there was more booby play as a few of the harriets compared nipples, little did they realize that they were on camera for all the bar to see. After some drinking a few hashers headed off to other bars while the rest went home to do whatever it is they do.

Overheard
2 Clump “There were boobies and I missed it?”
UKH “Don’t worry they were on camera, I’m downloading the video right now.”

On On,
Two Clump Chump

Usually around Thursday at 6pm I sit down to start writing the trash, and this week was no different. I made a big point of telling everyone in the announcement section that the full moon and the bfm were both going to be at the Green Room. I posted the trash, checked my e-mail and… wait… the BFM is at Callahan’s. I had just posted for all to read the wrong bar, but alas I realized no one actually reads my trash so I was safe. So I got in my car and drove to Callahan’s where I saw:

Who Came
Baaack Door, Chef Boy or Horse, Gag Reflex, Hold the Rimmer, Just Ben, Just Brad, Just Carla, Just Christian, Just Elli, Just Matt, Just Nick, Pen is in my Ear, Raider, Rear Engineer, 69th Amendment, Son of Goat F*cker, Tits of Steel, Three Balls, Tube Cock, Uncle Bad Touch, Where’s my Vagina, Wing Nuts

The Trail
I had some parking issues (actually I was still writing the trash) so I missed chalk talk and set out to find the pack. My keen hashing skills developed through years of hashing, and under the tutelage of greats like E = MC2, I was able to make headway on the trail. That is until I found two trails overlapping. After running in a circle jerk for several minutes I heard the cry’s of the pack and caught up. The trail continued in a “zipper” formation until we ended up back at the bar, only to find that it was dart night and college night. As much as we love frightening young co-eds with our devious ways, we decided the bar was too full and we relocated the pack to Bonners for:

Circle
Hare: Three Balls
Virgins: Just Elli via 69th Amendment, Just Ben via Just Brad
Visitors: None
First in/ Last in: Just Brad / Two Clump Chump
Auto Hashers: Tube Cock, 69th Amendment, Just Elli, Just Ben, Hold The Sausage and under when one GM, Tits of Steel and 3 Balls

Accusations
Just Christian for eating wings in circle
Pen is in my Ear for a false on Gag Reflex
Tits of Steel for dressing like a Smurf and under when one GM, Hold the Sausage
Just Christian for running with a bottle that did not have alcohol in it
2 Clump for telling everyone to go to the wrong bar
Uncle Bad Touch for having a secret happy hour

Announcements
Let’s face it they are all out of date

At this point the pack spread out to eat their food and play on the new 15 foot shuffle board table. There were arguments over how much wax to use, and what the wax was made out of, there was even the occasional game played. Beers were drank, hashers were insulted, or propositioned, and the night slowly faded into the past.

On, on,
Two Clump Chump

OK, It was SUPPOSED to be a run through South Philly and look at all the pretty streetlights, and for years, that’s just what it was. And then, sadly, our own little ginger Ninja (so christened by the blokes from 4th Para, remember them?) Little Red Riding Wood, stopped showing up, due in part to actually getting a life, unlike the rest of us gluttons of beer and running, or just singing raunchy songs in a dive bar. OK, now how many movie references will I have in this trash?