Hash Final #1047 Teacher/Trash Author: Where's My D? Name: Date: 1. What hash mark was missing? A. True Trail B. BVC C. Song Check D. Pi Check 2. How many times did we cross Kelly Drive? 3. Define a circle jerk mark: 4. What does an arc check mean? A. You’ll know apparently when we get there B. You’ve been fucked C. IDK? D. True Trail 5. If there is a Pi themed hash trail and R3 dresses up as raspberry pie, Just Christina dresses up as pumpkin pie, what does Doo Daddy Too dress up as? A. I don’t know I wasn’t on trail B. the circumference of a circle C. A viking D. He didn’t dress up 6. Is Lincoln Fucknancial Field playing a long con on us? Yes/ No 7. Does Lincoln Fucknanical Field have the capability to trick Where’s my D Into walking into a pond? Yes/ No 8. Who tried to trick Where’s my D Into walking on to a pond at night? A. EBS B. Just Andrew C. Cockstradomous D. Let the bodies hit the whore 9. Why did Slothy Seconds dad lie for so long about being allergic to peanut butter? 10. Does Moutin Deez Nuts like to be choked? Yes/ No 11. At what point is someone considered an autohasher? A. They missed the first beer near B. They missed the beginning of trail C. They missed trail altogether D. All of the above 12. If 90% of what the hare provided was pies, 5% beer, what percent of that was whiskey? 13. Is Where’s my D: A. Smart B. Sexy C. Kind D. All of the above Trail #1047: PI Day (3/14/24) Hare: Doo Daddy Too Ra: Same Girl Different Dog Where: Era Bar & Restaurant Who came: Slothy Seconds 60k9 Lincoln Fucknancial Field Just Andrew Miss Nite Let the bodies hit the whore Two Beds R3 Cockstadomous Just Christina EBS Where’s my D? Moutin Deez Nuts Three Whores Down Autohash trash by Three Whores Down
let's start off at grumpys,
with a distinct scent of virgins mixed in with some transplants who's the brightest of them all, get some glowing shoelaces and off we go the tourist neon trap lights our wayd but it is home to the hare same diff slamming bodies doo daddy droppin it to the floor dance dance revolution we followed the hare down by Hard Wood store caution, the light is green, our sweet cunterfeit bills too distracted thinkin about Bs&Js now on to the river, with a surprise salmon check but first, we must sing songs at one of the busiest intersections in the city two notes, then onto the tower sexcapade escalier shots to pass up and down between the bright lights of two cities we have tales and tales of el caminos and alcoholic dinosaurs now onward home we ended up grumpy again but we sure did glow along the way accusations and commendations make a good pair, as long as we're all together get ready for a full moon! -Papa Porta Jawn Where: Watkins Drinkery
Hare: Cunterfeit Bills/ Same Girl Different Dog RA: EBS Attendance: 21 Who Came: Cockstradomous R3 Moutin Deez Nuts Poly Pocket Same Girl Different Dog Three Whores Down EBS Lincoln Fucknancial Field Vaginacologist Cunterfeit Bills Papa Porta Jawn Where’s my D? Tits of Steel Slothy Seconds Just Andre Leaf it up the Arse Phoof there it is Just Christina Vanna Blackout Just Allison Just Andrew Once upon a time in a land far away called South Philly there sat a bar…erm castle, Watkins Drinkery. South Philly and Watkins were magical places. Gathered at Watkins were a group of the most beautiful creatures (hashers in onesies) who identified as Ben Franklin Mobbers. There were the group's fine leaders Slothy Seconds, a sloth, and Moutin Deez Nuts, an admirer of penguins. They even had a jester, Everything Butt Sex, a space cat, who explained the group's expedition. They had many loyal followers gathered as well, such as Cockstradomous, a dragon, R3, a bear with flappy flaps on her face, Poly Pocket, a narwhal, Lincoln Fucknancial Field, a human, Vaginiacologist, a troll, Where’s my D?, a penguin, Tits of Steel, a Cookie Monster, Just Andre, a pink unicorn, Leaf it up the Arse, AKA Darth Vader, and Just Christina, a human. In addition Vanna Blackout, a human, moved to the land to follow this group, while Phoof there it is, AKA Kermit the Frog traveled to be there from the far away land of Reading, PA. Two new humans to the group joined them that night as well, Just Allison and Just Andrew. Just Allisons, partner Three Whores Down, whose form could not be identified (I don’t remember if he had a onesie on?) had tried his best to prepare Just Allison for the journey they were about to make. While Just Andrew had been told of this great group through a fellow hasher, um I mean creature, Pornagain Christian. As they gathered Vanna Blackout spoke of her arduous journey from the land of Roxborough to get there. They poured libations in preparation of their journey ahead. When they were ready they gathered outside of Watkins Drinkery to find strange symbols had been drawn upon the ground. EBS, jester and space cat, explained that two fellow creatures, Cunterfeit Bills, a teddy bear, and Same Girl Different Dog, another Cookie Monster, were on the run with treasure. It was up to this group to follow these strange marks and find them! The visitors/ transplants were asked to identify themselves, and when Phoof there it is, AKA Kermit the Frog, did not step forward he was called out. When asked about why, he responded “I just didn’t”. Where’s my D?, the penguin had brought a bubble blower to fight monsters along the way but it broke during a serious battle and she had to leave it behind. This journey was not off to a good start. The group set off, some running, some jogging, and some walking. The streets of South Philly were lined with beautiful twinkling lights and cars parked way too far into crosswalks. Just Andrew, the newcomer human, proved himself to be a quick learner and mastered the mysterious marks well. He was later to be labeled an “overachiever”, a compliment disguised as an insult. At times the group would stop at marks that looked like song checks to sing, becoming troubadours (that’s a $5 word). Typically these were songs passed down generations, but when an odd silence befell the group, Leaf it in your Arse, AKA Darth Vader, came up with his own song, a riff on some oldie Where’s my D? Was not familiar with. Leaf sang about clits, dicks, and hands on them on the steps of a bar as muggles (non-hashers) walked around him trying to exit the establishment. Eventually the group found Cunterfeit Bills, a teddy bear, and Same Girl Different Dog, a Cookie Monster in the park. There they found the treasure- beer, hard seltzers, sugary confections, birthday hats, and money sign glasses! It was a birthday party! It turned out Cunterfeit Bills and Same Girl Different Dog, as the Aquarians that they are, hadn’t run off with stolen treasure, but were actually celebrating their birthdays and wanted to share the joy with the group. They had left behind those mysterious marks so all the lovely creatures of the Ben Franklin Mob could find them! There at the park Papa Porta Jawn, an Eeyore, and Three Whores Down, whose form could not be identified, joined the group. Then the group split again as Cunterfeit Bills, the teddy bear, and Same Girl Different Dog, the Cookie Monster had even more treasure hidden in another location! Unfortunately along the way party hats were lost. The group eventually came upon the second location, a shot near! Delicious sweet potions were drunk while the creatures played on a nearby playground. A group of them climbed upon a magical spinning ride, with Just Christina, the human holding on merely by her butthole. When all seemed to be going well, the group had run out of that sweet sweet nectar and Where’s my D?, the penguin never even received any! Luckily Leaf it up the Arse, AKA Darth Vader shared a sip and Vanna Blackout the human had emergency vodka mixed with pedialyte on her, a truly well prepared hasher. After all had consumed their potions and were full of yummy treasure in their belly and livers, the group was off to return to the castle, Watkins Drinkery. On their travel back they came across a T/E split which was explained as a turkey/ eagle split. Just Andre, who had somehow shape shifted from a pink unicorn into a human was unfamiliar with this. Due to his lighting agility he was recommended to not go on the turkey trail, as it would not be challenging enough for him. On the way Papa Porta Jawn, the Eeyore, and Moutin Deez Nuts, the admirer of penguins, had a speed walk race which was very much frowned upon by Poly Pocket, the Narhwal for racey behavior. Upon arrival back to Watkins Drinkery disaster was had. Moutin Deez Nuts, admirer of penguins, hash crashed up the stairs and then spilled/ peed beer or something on the ground. The spill was penis shaped at least. While Lincoln Fucknancial Field, the human, spilled ice and water everywhere. It was a disaster and a gang of pool players had started to form and were not too happy with the hash creatures shenanigans. The visitor, Phoof there it is, AKA Kermit the frog and transplant, Vanna Blackout, the human, lightened the mood however. Phoof showed off his pecs by making them dance while Vanna flashed everyone her fanny. The comes latelys, Tits of Steel, the Cookie Monster, and Vaginacologist, the troll were jeered. Tits of Steel revealed herself to be a sexy mermaid under her Cookie Monster form. Just Allison, the human was called out for being way too prepared for a hash. Where’s my D, the penguin was called out for being that white girl. Names were mistaken; is it Phoof or Floof or Poof? Tits of Steel became Steel of Tits, and Slothy turned into Sloppy. The best part of the night however did not start until it was time to truly celebrate the birthdays in the best way hash creatures know how, with side-sides! Counterfeit Bills had transformed from a cute teddy bear into a sexy golden goddess. In Cunterfeit Bill fashion, she required a shot of whiskey instead of beer for her side-side. This may have been a calculated move on her part as there was not enough time to tie her shoes together. Same Girl, Different Dog, the Cookie Monster and Phoof there it is, AKA Kermit the Frog also celebrated their birthdays with side-sides. The group continued to drink throughout the night eventually parting ways. On-On until their next adventure! Hares:
Sex Toys for Tots Silence of the Goats February 10, 2022 The first hash following AGM 2022; the first trail with the new mismanagement. It was a cool, clear night. Comfortably in the low 40’s. We started our “onesie” party in the upstairs den of Cavannaugh’s Headhouse on 2nd & Lombard. S/O new GM Diltdo Dragons for lending me her Kangaroo onesie. Apparently most experienced hashers have a full wardrobe of various onesies/costumes. Poly Pockets flexed her RA muscles and hash-hushed us into oblivion until all the children quieted down for chalk talk. All True Trail Arrows are true…ON OUT!!! We headed into Penns Landing…BACK CHECK 12 (not salty since I wasn’t FRB) Soooooonnnnnnnnnggggg Check! 🎵IMMA NECROPHELIAC…NA NA NA NA NA NA NA🎵 We continued weaving in and around Society Hill neighborhood. Soooooooooooooonnnnnngggggg Check! 🎵HOT VAGINA FOR YOUR BREAKFAST🎵 BEEEEEEEERRRR NEAR - Tattooed Mom on South St Pretty crowded inside and a little toasty. Goats and the walkers owned the front end of the bar. Butt & Paste forgot her I.D. and couldn’t stay in the bar :( but…spoiler alert - S/O Fort Dixalot for sneaking a beer outside. PBR’s (ewww, sorry I’m a diva) for everybody! Although I was begrudgingly down-downing my PBR, my mood instantly improved at the discovery of two smol doggos in this little side room. Cockstradamus and Doo Daddy Too were fortunate enough to hold these tiny balls of happiness. ON OUT! SOOOOOnnnnnnngggggg Check! (in front of a church) 🎵Jesus Saves Jesus Saves Jesus Saves🎵 Soooooonnnnnngggggg Check! 🎵Do Re Mi🎵 Another Back Check?!?!?!?! (very salty this time as I was fully in racy mode at this point in the trail) On In! New RA Catalina Piss Mixer masterfully corralled the hash through circle. Copious amounts of cheesy, questionable accusations, as per usual - a sexy crab (2 Beds), a furry tail that looks like it might be a…nevermind. We even had an “accomodation” courtesy of Where’s My D?. Thus concluding the hash. And yet, our night had just begun. FRB: 60K9 DFL: Vagina is For Lawyers Hashers present: 60K9, Catalina Piss Mixer, Vagina is For Lawyers, Poly Pockets, Fort Dixalot Pirate King of the Brandywine, Let the Bodies Hit the Whores, Where’s My D?, Cockstradamus, Diltdo Dragons, Reduce Reuse Recoitus, Doo Daddy Too, Everything Butt Sex, Butt & Paste, Easter Egg Cunt, Slippery Prick, 2 Beds 1 Nightmare Onesies present: Dog, Crab, Kangaroo, Lemur, Cat Jumper suit, Lilo & Stitch, Furry ears/tails, Polar Bear, Sloth, Fox, Shark, Dragon HOLY SHIT WE HASHED OUT OF A BAR!! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN… YEARS? DECADES? OMG!
Ok I’m done yelling. On November 18 hashers came from across the nation (ie Philly area, DC, Chicago and even far flung Manayunk) to gather at Cavs and down the finest mystery beers before trail. We had visitors cum for marathon weekend and Just Tom made a virgin cum for the first time. There was even a rare and awesome Side Show Bob Job sighting. Trail started off with the good omen of an actual El Camino in a parking garage. I am a cat person, not a car person and wasn’t sure that they actually existed. They do. We hit the Playground Check and climbed around as gracefully as if we were all 60k9. Beer Near was in a cute garden next to 76. Fort Dix a Lot wanted to throw a bra onto a passing car but the safety committee talked him out of it. Storm clouds gathered so we chugged our beers and headed (who said head??) out. The rain was pouring, Poly Pocket was yelling at random runners who were not Roadside Assistance, Everything Butt Sex was missing, Emo Kid’s poncho was, according to some accounts, ejaculating. But just as the chaos was climaxing we reached the shot near! AssAssination and Groundhog Lay had made us extra thicc smoothie rum shots. We finally got to cum in from a dripping wet trail to a warm toasty bar with chicken wings. AND a rare and awesome Statutory Consent sighting! Oh the joys of indoor circle. When I was a kid we had indoor circle all the time. Mommy’s Cumming taught us all how to get the most out of a banana and Just August did a heroic trust fall into a virgin side-side. Hashy Birthday! It was a beautiful start to a beautiful weekend and my voice was shot the next day because goddam we are loud in bars. And I wouldn’t have it any other way 😊 Hashers on trail: General Tso’s Dicken, Schroedinger’s Cock, Burlington Ho Factory, Poly Pocket (Supreme Ruler), Fort Dix a Lot, Vagina is for Lawyers, Cuff me the Vampire Player, Roadside ASSisstance, Just Tanya, Just August, Just Tom, Groundhog Lay, AssAssination, 60k9, WET HOLE!, Emo Kid, The World’s Okayest Kirkland, Sideshow Bob Job, Just Adam, Everything Butt Sex, Blink Five Foot Two, Statutory Consent, and Music to my Tears Down Down the Rabbit Hole feat. Slippery Prick
On a balmy night in April, hashers wandered up and down the Avenue of the Republic. We had heard there was a trail. And that chalk talk was around here somewhere, but… where? Our hares, Slippery Prick and Down Down on the Brown Brown had gotten the pack lost BEFORE the start of trail. Definitely a new record and extra impressive because this was Slippery Prick’s virgin BFM lay. Finally, we found Just Adam next to an almost-invisible chalk talk. He had been there all along, possibly sensing the presence of chalk talk (One of us! One of us!) A largeish pack of hashers began to gather around the big gate thing near the Please Touch Museum. The scent of cherry blossoms drifted delicately on the breeze, and freshly vaxxed hashers hugged for the first time in over a year. We were naively happy and had no idea what the hares had in store for us at that point. We started off and immediately came to a Turkey/Eagle split. The Eagle trail descended into a rocky, overgrown creek. As the pack picked and stumbled its way through, Shrub came flying past us, in danger of becoming airborne as Shadow pulled him through the shiggy. Eventually the rest of us emerged from the woods, dripping wet ;) 😉 xoxo We coasted down a hill into the first beer near. 60k9 served up smoldering gargoyle looks for the camera while perched atop a post. Werk it! Dogs frolicked and music played from EDM’s speaker. Suddenly, Two Beds arrived at the beer near and flung a plastic Easter Egg at Slippery. Pastel colored jelly beans rained out, and like totally normal adult people Headshart and I thought “5 second rule” and ate them. The rest of the night was a mix of hallucination and reality. Where’s My D? and Bread Dicks pole danced on a streetlight. The pack crossed all the way to the far side of a bridge, answering a riddle asked by a troll to gain passage only to hit a Back Check and have to cross the same bridge and get quizzed by the same troll again. We plunged deep into an ancient forest and followed an endless winding path. Woodland creatures waved from the shadows and an enchanted tree even pointed Cuff Me in the direction of On-On. GML pulled half the pack over a vertical wall and immediately the trail led back down the other side of the wall. The second Beer Near was uncannily like a rave in our post-pandemic brains and the third Beer Near was uncannily like an On In. Nothing was real and yet, somehow, everything was. In attendance was: 2 Beds 1 Nightmare, Roadside ASSistance, HeadShart, Sgt. Snatch Snitch, Down Down on the Brown Brown, Where’s My D?, Highway Whore, Me Shrub You Longtime, Slippery Prick, EDM, Gay Matthews Lamb, Wheels on the Bus go DownDownDown, Poly Pocket, Cuff Me the Vampire Player, 60K9, Just Adam, Bread Dicks Bread Dicks Everywhere, BonerTown, and Music to my Tears |
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March 2024
Ben Franklin MobAlways runs on Thursdays at 7:30 PM with the pack out at 8 from various Philadelphia locations. Categories |