BFM #28
Posted on September 2, 2004
2 September 2004: Back to Bonner’s, 23rd & Sansom. New faces tonight included Mr. Snuffleupamuff (how’d he get that one?), Just Heidi, Just Jason, Just Sean, and Snip ‘n Cut. The British colonization of the BFM continued with the arrival of Tinkerbell as well as Bitchard. Both also happen to be chronic FRBs. Wishboneher put in a rare cameo appearance. Cousin It was there, too - if you didn’t go to his Phillies tailgate last week you missed a damn good time.
The season has changed and back to the Mob came some long-time-no-seers, including the bearded Scooby Snatch, the landed Sly Fox, and the Silent Ho, who tonight actually ran the trail. Gravely dishonoring the Mob, the mother of Little Fucking Winkie arrived, admired by all for producing our GFM, and, more incredibly, owning up to it.
The constant Rash gnawed a straw and gave it to Winkie to present with the long straws to see who was tonight’s hare. Winkie had to do two rounds of drawing because there were more straws than hashers willing to draw. In Round II Just Brian II drew the shorty, making this his first BFM hare, and maybe his first hare ever?
Winkie reminded Just Brian II what the mob needs a hare to do: drop at least three marks a block – just so the Mob can follow trail in the dark, which is coming earlier now. And off Just Brian II went, traveling south down 23rd.
Just Brian II’s trail was long, but you could follow it. It reached as far as Broad and Pine and across to City Hall, making a giant triangle leading back to the bar. The mob pretty much stayed together along the way, though the UK contingent remained far ahead most of the time. E=MC2 followed that trail which only he and Wing Nuts can follow.
On the apron of City Hall, Just Morgan was feeling hot, and dipped his head in one of the fountains there. People bathe in those fountains, and do other things in them, too.
At the front of the pack, Wolfman Jackoff nabbed the hare. But he opted against taking the flour because he doesn’t want to upset panicky civilians. So he gave Just Brian II back the bag, making Just Brian II the BFM’s first ever single night back-to-back hare.
Just Brian II led the Mob back to Bonner’s and almost everyone completed trail – now that’s a shitty trail! Last in were Just Maygan and Wishboneher, who were never lost, but who lost the trail.
Rash collected hash cash and the Wolfman herded the Mob into a circle in the back room. Virgins and visitors drank and so did Bitchard who was first in because, according to Tinkerbell, she let him beat her. Nonetheless, when one Briton drinks, they all drink, so they both drank. The next round of down downs went to autohashers, who included Scooby, Drag Queen, and She Man. Winkie and his Mom also did a down down together.
The BFM circle got ornery again with the accusations and the finger pointing. Bastard Child was fingered for wearing a racing shirt, the Silent Ho was singled out for answering a cell phone in the circle, Lunar was nailed for making a screen saver out of a certain someone’s photo, and Tastes Like Chicken was outed for being photographed at a recent “Philadelphia’s Sexiest Singles” party. Article w/photo here (this link goes to the Philadelphia Daily News’ Web site, so you might have to register to see the story. Registration is free.) Photo from the story is on the pix page of this site.
Tonight the Mob named two hashers. First up was the wet-headed Just Morgan. Noting that City Hall fountains are sometimes used as high-powered bidets by bench-sleepers, the Mob named him, “Dances with Bums’ Urine.”
Next up was Just Brian II, who laid about the shittiest trail this hash has seen in a while. Since he was caught laying trail, and then, courtesy of Wolfman, given the opportunity to lay trail a second time in the same night, he got dubbed, “Sloppy Seconds.”
Winkie, who invoked the power “invested” in him by the hash, duly anointed both. Skin Fiddle reminded Winkie that he is “not a 401K” and the correct word is “vested.”
Then the circle disbanded and retired to the bar, and karaoke. Tonight’s nightmare version of “American Idol” included, among others, Skin Fiddle singing “Mexican Radio,” Scooby doing, “Fire and Rain,” your correspondent singing, “Closer,” Cunting Season doing a Vamp/Torch act, and an exclusive Chicken/Cunting Season duet.
People kept drinking into the wee Winkie hours of the morning, closing out the 28th BFM hash.
Filed Under Trash |
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