BFM #46
Posted on January 6, 2005
6 January 2005: A cold, wet BFM Thursday night. At 26th & South streets the Mob met at Callahan’s to start the calendar year and begin to wind down its first year as a hash. Callahan’s is a roomy neighborhood bar with a good jukebox, a great bartender, and its very own neighborhood drunkaholic.
While the Mob milled about, Cause for Blindness showed up in civilian clothes, and gave a big howdy-do to the elusive Sly Fox, whom alas neither she nor the Mob have seen for quite some time, other than on Post Office walls. See Me Feel Me Touch Me was there, sitting in a chair, resting the feets before they hit the streets.
The constant Rash brought a bag of fluffy flour from her extensive collection. She directed Little Fucking Winkie to present straws, which he did without complaint, demonstrating once again that the whip is mightier than the winkie.
The short straw went to Crusty Calves, making this her virgin BFM hare. Dances with Bums’ Urine stepped up to escort the lovely Ms. Calves through the urban night.
Two new faces: Leak On You, a repatriate from Hong Kong, and Just Jamie, a Wolfman Jackoff friend. Bums’ Urine gave them a chalk talk outside. As the Mob mocked Bums’ Urine’s attempts to explain, the neighborhood drunkaholic bumped his way through the circle, saw the marks, and jumped directly on top of them like it was hopscotch. He had good aim.
Soon the co-hares were off, running east. Five minutes later the Mob followed like a mob, but without the torches. Trail went several, several blocks. The co-hares laid more Fs than there are in FYYFF. What’s worse, the Mob fell for each False like a politician for an intern. And the Falses were long and hidden around corners so you couldn’t tell it was a False until you got there. The crafty bastids.
The Falses spread the Mob out from time to time, but regrouping was easy. Even if you couldn’t hear someone yell “on on,” you could see the street light glitter from the sequins on She Man’s 1970s pimp-style hat. It was an authentic Mummer’s hat, which he got from Bastard Child, who is an authentic Mummer, among other things.
Crafty Crusty and Bums’ Urine had their reason for haring false with us. They needed time. While the Mob struggled through False trails, the co-hares were buying beer and leading the trail directly into a brownstone. In that brownstone was Bums’ Urine’s apartment. The Mob arrived there to find the BFM’s second truly live beer check.
Inside Bums’ Urine’s apartment, surrounded by books, a computer, and non-bar furniture, the Mob drank beer with an almost unbecoming civility. Despite the volatile admixture of Winkie, Tastes Like Chicken, Wolfman, Cunting Season, and Sly Fox, there were no body shots. Instead, some people reminisced about BFMs from months ago, displaying memories impressively resilient to alcohol.
When the beer was gone, Wolfman nudged Crusty onward, but Crusty didn’t leave with the man she came with. Scandalous. Her new escort was Nut Cruncher, who quietly stole out alongside. The mob soon loudly followed.
Trail went through a sleepy residential neighborhood, where the Mob happened upon the ever-amiable Lunar Digit, who was walking to the bar. The neighborhood’s quiet was replaced suddenly with cries of, “Looooo-neeeeeer,” followed just as suddenly by complete silence. The Mob hashed on. Chicken stayed back, though, to walk with the Digit to the bar.
Back at Callahan’s, Rash collected cash, the Mob took up pitchers, and took over the joint. The jukebox music was good, but un-danceable. That didn’t stop the neighborhood drunkaholic, though, from jerking across the floor like an epileptic Mummer.
Wolfman convened the circle. The three co-hares got their due, as did the virgins and first and last ins. Then came the autohashers. Lunar Digit claimed he wasn’t an autohasher since he was in fact on trail, but the Mob would have none of that. The other autohasher, Cause for Blindness, went for the option, but the Mob would have none of that, either.
Then the accusations. Winkie called out Chicken for stopping to window shop while on trail at the New Year’s Day hash. Next, Cause attempted an accusation but Wolfman and Winkie came down on her hard, reminding her that she is banned from making accusations at the BFM. Finally, Bums’ Urine lodged an accusation against Just Jamie, which was deemed grossly unfair since Just Jamie has never hashed before. So Bums’ Urine was forced to join Just Jamie in the dock.
And so it was. On on.
Filed Under Trash |
Leave a Comment
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
