BFM #50
Posted on February 3, 2005
3 February 2005: Readers of last week’s trash may recall, “conditional probability,” a crazed, magical phenomenon which governs who gets the short straw when we all draw ‘em. As each one of us draws a straw, the chance that the person who’s presenting them will get the short one increases.
Conditional probability took me for a ride last week, just to show me the view. I presented the straws, and I was left with the short one. So in last week’s trash I said that “conditional probability is a bitch.” And so this week I avoided the straws – Wolfman Jackoff presented them. Didn’t matter, I drew the short one. Conditional probability is an over-sensitive, vengeful bastid.
This night Pound It In brought a giant dose of red flour, which is what the weather outside demanded. Old snow was still everywhere.
So I took the flour Pound It In kindly offered and ran away from the Green Room, 20th & Green, which contained, among other things, Wolfman Jackoff, Pound It In, Oral Offender, Skin Fiddle, Sly Fox, Tinkerbell, Cause for Blindness, Cunting Season, and Tastes Like Chicken, who was wearing a t-shirt that said, “Taste Like Chicken.”
Though I did not follow it, trail could be followed, so I was told. But on the way On In one block from the Green Room there is another bar, called Tavern On the Green. So I wrote on the sidewalk next to it, “On In,” hoping to trick someone into going in. There was no good reason for doing this. So I did it.
As I returned to the The Green Room, I saw Virgin Pimp entering the bar not long after Little Fucking Winkie and his friend, Just Mike. They all autohashed. Then the hashers started coming back. Bitchard wasn’t around, so he could’t trip up, tie up, or otherwise dispose of Tinkerbell, who was therefore First In. Last In was Cause for Blindness, who arrived not very long after, cheeks aflush with good wholesome exorcize. A little later Rash arrived. She autorashed.
Cunting Season collected the cash, and beer was drawn from the unseen wells of everlasting insobriety. Just Tyler, a stalwart auto hasher, decided to show his ass up at this particular time.
Wolfman Jackoff guided the lot downstairs to the game room, which was empty and perfect for a circle, but which was televised for viewing on the closed circuit security TV upstairs. Upstairs anyone who noticed could view reality TV at its bottom worst:
Wolfman Jackoff, a tried and true RA, snapped the circle into shape. The hare, first in, and last in were dispatched in short order. Then came the autohashers - Just Tyler, Winkie, Just Mike, and the autorasher - Rash. Then came some people who haven’t been around for a while – Oral Offender and Pound It In.
All the while, Wolfman Jackoff, a tried and true RA, was without a Song Meister, so he himself doggedly marched the circle through the recurring horror of BFM song. Little Fucking Winkie took some edge off the horror by drowning out the sound with his trademark industrial sized burps. Upstairs fortunately there was no sound on the TV.
Then came accusations. Cunting Season accused me for laying that phony “On In,” and I desperately turned the elbow of accusation onto Sly Fox, who, I was told, fell for my shenanigans, and went into Tavern On the Green looking for a beer check. We both did a down down, tied together in ignominy. But the circle was’t done with the Sly Fox.
The circle moved onto announcements, and a cell phone trilled and all eyes turned on Fox, from whence the trill came. An immediate investigation revealed that the caller was Scooby Snatch. Sly was quickly accused for receiving cell phone in circle and so she down downed again, after many yelps and lunatic howls from the Mob. Somehow she avoided yet another down down as proxy for Scooby Snatch, who caused her all this trouble. The’bastid.
And the announcements. There are a bunch of events coming up - stay online to hear about ‘em. Rash said t-shirts are coming. They are just two weeks away, so now’s the time to make sure you get one. Email Rash. This is her email address: jaandrel@hotmail.com - sizes are what you would expect them to be - specify when you email her, pleez.
Then came the abominations.
First up were GM nominations: Virgin Pimp nominated Winkie, Pound It In nominated Tastes Like Chicken, Cause for Blindness and Winkie nominated Rash. Winkie nominated Skin Fiddle, but Skin Fiddle declined.
Next up came RA nominations: Chicken and Winkie nominated Cunting Season. Pound It In and Cause for Blindness nominated Scooby Snatch.
Then came Trash: Cause for Blindness nominated Pound It In and Winkie nominated Cause for Blindness.
So that’s how live nominations went.
Anyone can continue to voice nominations to the whole yahoo group, just as Bastard Child did Friday, when he nominated Rash for GM, E for RA, and the Cause for Trash. All nominations not declined will be posted next Thursday day.
Now is the time to speak up, y’bastids.
After nominations the Mob repaired to the upstairs, and Dancing Fool made a pleasantly surprising appearance, and Tongue Twister himself made a return.
So that’s how it was.
On on.
Next Week: Elections!
Filed Under Trash |
Leave a Comment
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
