BFM #58 - Can You Catch Me Now?
Posted on March 29, 2005
29 March 2005: The Mob was back at Bonner’s as March marched out. Beer Sucks and Cheep Show were the first to show. I joined them, ordered a pitcher and waited for the hordes. Rash was next, making it seem like a pre-lewd to Strap On’s eagerly anticipated bacherlorette fest. Pound it In integrated the crowd, with Tinkerbell close at hand. The scent of beer brought the rest of the mob so Rash bit one off to proffer straws for the honor. Can You Hear Me Now? - back from oblivion - wasted no time in drawing the short one. Seven or so later the Mob fell out, some still wondering when the straws had been drawn.
The FRB types scattered in search of flour, sounding the cry up north. Pound it found it in a parking lot, heading tantalizingly near The River. There were two, maybe three checks and the trail went straight, straight, straight. Cheep Show succumbed to lack of oxygen and reversed course. I picked up trail somewhere near Spring (not Spring Garden) Street, in an alleyway but ran out of marks. Having ascertained from a local dawg-walker that she’d not passed any shouting runners heading south, I went north and found myself back on the Ben Franklin Parkway and the now familiar Franklin Institute (I’m surprised there weren’t marks left from last time). Time to return. On the way back I found a mark on Arch Street, near the Schuylkill, but thought better of searching for trail. Maybe I’ll find him on the In-trail. Ha, ha, ha, … Scooby Snatch, who barely escaped autohashing by claiming he’d almost caught the hare, so actually *did trail*, was outside with Skin Fiddle and Oral Offender (see her new pearl necklace below). "Who’s here already" I asked. "Everybody," he replied, dashing my hopes that I’d somehow shortcutted in ahead of the DFLs. On In.
E=MC^2 collected hash cash and ordered up pitchers of Bud Light ($6/ that’s why) and Lager for the thirsty crew. It wasn’t long before he called everyone into our semi-private circle room for the ceremonies. Can You Hear Me Now? was suitably chastised for his all-asphalt-all-the-time-not-enough-checks-"It- was-fast-and-it-was-painful" (according to Beer Sucks) trail. Scooby Snatch and Little Red Riding Wood were accused of being Long-Time-No-See-Ums. E accused Tinkerbell of being an Overachieving Ass Clown (again). It was immediately pointed out that he’d been at the same event (Mud Fest), so he had to join her for the duties. Next up were the autohashers: Winkie, Just Tyler and the demure Ms. Wood. Despite a coating of orange flour, CYHMNow? was found out in his new shoes and he drank from one, as well he should, the ff. (I’ve never seen cleaner soles!) The shoe show must’ve reminded our RA of something ‘CAUSE he next announced that there was need of a naming.
Yes, Long-Time-Just-Tyler was subjected to all manner of questions and innuendos. We learned that he’d found us by Googling "Beer & Philadelphia," (I guess he never read past the "Drinking Club" to see the "with a running problem" part.) He’s from Chaddsford - w(h)ine country. His favorite farm animal is the ferret. (Old MacDonald had a ferret??) His given name is John Tyler, like the 10th President (Remember "Tippecanoe and Tyler too"?) And he drinks absinthe. Thus, the following candidates were proffered for consideration:
Caboose (I don’t know where this came from)
TittyCanoe (Can You Hear Me Now?)
Abs in the Ferret (Cause: You’ve seen his username "absintheferret")
Wormwood - (Bum’s Urine: the main, and illegal ingredient in absinthe)
Salad Tosser - (thank Little F*cking Winkie for this one, he was drunk already)
Stunt Dick Double - a BFM standard response
Ray Charles ( Skin Fiddle: "Considering who he’s with…")
and the winning name, which was contributed by our Grand F*cking Mattress, Rash, calling it her favorite pick-up line, by which our resident autohasher shall henceforth be known, in the BFM and all of hashdom:
"Nice Shoes. Wanna F*ck?"
On-F*’n'-oN,
Cause
Filed Under Trash |
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