BFM #77 - Harey Fucking Poppins
Posted on August 11, 2005
11 August 2005: The National Weather Service issued a heat advisory, also known as an “excessive heat warning,” for the three day period beginning Thursday, August 11, 2005, noting that a “hot humid air mass will continue to build in southeastern Pennsylvania” and that “the warning is in effect for highly urbanized areas.” This message, however, failed to reach the "brains" inside the heads of the people who showed up for the seventy-seventh BFM H3.
The Rash was back, spotted with her cell phone a block from the bar, Callahan’s, 23rd & South. Rumor was she was speaking to her bookie.
Closer to the bar a bevy of other BFM babes chatted outside – Fur Snatcher, Hold the Sausage, Stacks, and Tinkerbell. Inside, where the testosterone was, one could find the ever-gabby Nut Cruncher, Pound it In, and the visiting Balls on Barbed Wire from the Jolly Roger Hash, based in Tampa Bay.
The name, “Balls on Barbed Wire,” really does beg the question of how he got it. He explained - yes, the name describes a fact, and no, he’s not a lesser man as a result. Currently he is cruising on a motorcycle along the east coast, visiting hashes – his next stop is Baltimore, home of Frank Lloyd Thong, and then onto DC, etc. until he returns home to Tampa Bay.
Lunar Digit showed, as did Mary Fucking Poppins, the Orlando-bound Cuntanamo, and Li’l Red Riding Wood, who brought a virgin, Just Dave, a music student. The amazing religious advisor, E=My Cock Squared, showed up with his Strap On.
Mary Fucking Poppins drew the short straw, making this his first BFM hare. But instead of running away he stood around chatting, like everyone else. No one seemed especially eager to get underway - no doubt it was the excessive heat we had all been warned about but chose to ignore. After a while he left, running east away from the Schuykill River.
But, clever bastid that he is, he doubled back and took the Mob west, over the South Street Bridge, into University City, then back east via the Walnut Street Bridge, down into the River Park path where several families were watching the Thursday night movie there. (This week Shrek II was showing, in case you wanted to know.) The fact that families were quietly watching a movie didn’t prevent the Mob from yelling “on on” as it ran through the middle of the crowd.
It was at this point that trail began to dissipate, as hashers ran in all directions looking for flour without much success. Later we learned that the hare heard the Mob coming, so he started zig-zagging without laying checks, which, in the dark, makes finding trail almost impossible. This attempt to avoid capture is understandable, especially when the hare knows that the implacable E is somewhere behind and coming up fast.
In time everyone made it back to the bar, where waiting patiently was Dancing Queen. E got the circle going, bringing in the Hare, the virgin, and the visitor, Balls on Barbed wire, who opted to sing a song, which was a sensitive description of sex done to a Beatles tune. The bar’s server brought out food for people who ordered it, and E promptly brought the food ordering miscreants into the circle: Lunar, Sausage, Tinkerbell, and Fur Snatcher. Nobody knew who the first in was, so E made the hare drink, and Cuntanamo was railroaded into being last in, though he might not have been. He protested but nobody cared. Next up was the autohashing Dancing Queen, followed again by Cuntanamo, who cast a false accusation at the virgin. Cuntanamo was having a banner evening in the circle.
It was also probably his last BFM circle for quite sometime, perhaps forever. He is moving to Orlando where he will be the military attaché to Disney World. Cuntanamo has left the Mob before (for Cuba), and that time all the women present, except Bastard Child, posed with him in a final goodbye photo. And they did it again – he’s got to find an easier way to get this kind of attention from the ladies. He will be missed.
And that was about all there was, almost . . .
… the significance of an “excessive heat warning,” continued to fail to register with an assortment of over-achieving ass clowns, who spent Sunday running a ½ marathon over the top of Mt. Penn in Reading. As a participant in this sorry spectacle, I can tell you this group included E, Strap On, Tinkerbell, Nut Cruncher, and the Rash. Disgracing themselves even further, Tinkerbell and Strap On won trophies in their age groups. An absolutely shameless display.
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Can You Hear Me Now?
Filed Under Trash |
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