BFM #88 - Hallowinkie 2.0
Posted on October 27, 2005
27 October 2005 - So, by and large I stay away from politics, but I feel compelled to say how just pleased I am that Harriet Miers declined the nomination for Supreme Court Justice. Not because of any political bent on my part, but dear lord, have you seen the woman? She’s wearing kabuki eye make-up and George Michael’s mullet circa Wham! Clearly, a person with decision-making skills this poor has no business being on the Supreme Court. I’m just saying.
But speaking of scary Halloween costumes, yes! This week was the world-famous Ben Franklin Mob Halloween Costume Hash and I am STILL drinking to try to forget some of the things that went on. The hash started at McGillin’s, with hashers trickling in one by one, congregating upstairs so as not to frighten to patrons or get confused with the Coors girls handing out Eagles crap (go Eagles!) C*nting Season and Thumbo Suave were the first to meet up since they had volunteered to set trail, mostly because C*nting Season didn’t want to wear a costume. Rash and Oral Oh were the next to arrive, followed by Overexposed and Just Amy from the Reading H3, Skin Fiddle, Stacks, Just Jason, Just CJ, Dancing Queen, Can You Hear Me Now?, Just Elon, Hold the Sausage, Fur Snatcher, Just Fred, Strap On, E=MyCock Sqaured, Tinkerbell, Cause for Blindness, Little F*ckin Winkie, and Spankin Private Ryan. Now, I was going to accuse Oral Oh for some serious procrastination for buying her costume on the way to the hash, but then Winkie actually made his ghost outfit (this is important later) using a penknife and a sheet while sitting in the bar. Once everyone had finally managed to attire themselves in their costumes, the Mob made its way downstairs, through a barful of startled patrons, and outside for the chalk talk.
But before the bit about the chalk talk, Cause changed everyone’s hash name to reflect their costume, which is way more fun than describing what people had on (except for describing Stacks who dressed as Skin Fiddle, which was hilarious.) And here they are:
Oral alOHa
Little F*ckin’ Casper
Stack Fiddle
OverAbused or Osama Bin Lager
Just Aim-at-OE
Skinmate
Dancing Pimp
TinkerOrr
Ravishing And Sexy Hasher
Can You Hear Me Boo?
Just Dork
Hold the Harem
Just Raver
Jem Snatcher
Just Fred (no costume!)
Pancho Suave
H*nting-for-trail Season
Nice Flair, Wanna F*ck?
Cobweb for Blindness
E=My Hat Squared (a.k.a Village SpokesPerson)
Strap On, Strap On, Rah, Rah, Rah
Spanking Countryman Ryan
Tastes Like Hospital Food
Sly Prof
Just a Boy Scout
Bastard Hasher
After the brief chalk talk (here it is, verbatim: "Uh, there’s a beer check.") the Mob was off. Through Center City and around City Hall they ran, confused but enthusiastic. Trail wound through the surrounding neighborhoods all the way up to the Eastern State Penitentiary, then back down past a few locals residents who asked Winkie where the Klan meeting was, then on to the Rodin Museum, where, just as the Mob arrived, the hares were getting out of a cab to set up the beer check. Lazy! The Mob proceeded to hold a discreet beer check the bleachers next to the Ben Franklin Parkway, accompanied by holiday-appropriate dry ice fog.
Once beers were chugged and stragglers had arrived at the beer check, the Mob ran off to back to the bar and ordered…more beer! Also at the bar were autohashers Tastes Like Chicken, Scooby Snatch, Lake Flaccid, Lake Flaccid’s virgin who he called "Cindy", but "Cindy" told me that his name was AJ and someone else said his name was Scott or Matt, so… whatever, Sly Fox, Just Bill, Nice Shoes Wanna F*ck?, and Bastard Child. There also two random guys from downstairs who wanted to join the party, actually paid hash cash, then booked it the hell out of there when the Mob started to circle. Heh.
OH, yes, the circle. This week’s cast of characters:
Hares:
Thumbo Suave
C*nting Season
Virgins:
Just Amy, for coming with Overexposed
Just CJ, for coming with Just Jason
Just "Cindy" ( or AJ or Scott or Matt) for coming with Lake Flaccid
Visitor:
Overexposed from Reading H3
Long Time No See:
Lake Flaccid
Spankin’ Private Ryan
First and Last In:
FRB Tinkerbelle
DFLs Overexposed and Just Amy
Should oughta know better (Headgear):
Tinkerbelle, Just "You were warned" Amy
Autocrashers:
Nice Shoes Wanna F*ck?
Lake Flaccid
Just "Cindy" (Scott/Matt/AJ)
Scooby Snatch
Tastes Chicken
Sly Fox
Violations:
For being late to the Beer Near: Hares
For calling us "The Philly Hash" in his song: Spankin’ Private Ryan
For being Winkie: Little F*ckin Winkie
For being dressed for work: Sly Fox, Tastes Like Chicken, Cause, and under the GM rule, Rash
For being a Birthday Boy! (a week and a half ago): CYHMNow?
Announcements:
January 19th 2006 - 12 Weeks to the BFM 100! Got good ideas? Tell Rash.
Public Service Announcement
And finally, a public service announcement. Now, I love a good graphic story as much as the next girl, but I heard a story at this week’s that so floored me, I didn’t feel like I could write it up here but I will use it to set a few general guidelines for future reference. When you mention in passing that "Oh, I’m sore", and out of politeness, I respond "Oh, why?", the following are all acceptable answers:
1. "I did a long run."
2. "I tried a new machine/class/gym member at the gym."
3. "I slept on my neck wrong and now I can only look to the left."
4. "Spanking."
5. "I got a new boyfriend/girlfriend/both."
6. "I fell off the [fill in the blank]."
7. "I don’t know."
The following are all unacceptable answers:
1. Recreational medical procedures.
2. Anything involving poo.
3. Fisting (or as some people like to refer to it, "Third base.")
Clear? Good.
On On,
Rash
Filed Under Trash |
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