BFM #108 - Rock That Ass
Posted on March 16, 2006
16 March 2006 - So I just found this website of overheard quotes that I was going to lie and claim were quotes over heard at the hash, and then make y’all guess who they were. Quotes like:
Woman #1: I think you’re an alcoholic. Woman #2: I think you’re an alcoholic. Woman #1: What is this? An intervention for fifth-graders?
Or
Officer: So apparently the greeting of the day is “Rock that ass.”
Or my favorite, because I can picture this one:
Guy #1: Did you know Bush agreed to share nuclear technology with the Indians? Guy #2: Why do Indians need it? Oklahoma is already a part of the US. Guy #1: Dude, Indians as in citizens of India, a country in Asia. Guy #2: I was never good at history. Guy #1: You mean geography. Guy #2: Asshole.
HOWEVER, I didn’t need to this week, because the hash was particularly obliging about saying dumb things. (Thanks guys!) But we’ll get to that later.
One by one, hasher trickled in to Cavanaugh’s, a University City bar that was just ass-deep in Penn students. Skin Fiddle, Fiber Opdick, Tickle My Elmo, Scooby Snatch, Just Mike, and visitor/transplantee Cunnilingus Interruptus from Tampa arrived first, followed by Rash and Hold the Sausage. Straws were drawn…well, one straw was drawn, and it was short, and it went to Cunnilingus Interruptus. “But I don’t know the area!” he said. That’s ok, we gave him a co-hare in the form of Just Mike, who, being the overachiever that he is, had actually scouted the area for trail ahead of time, complete with google maps, a GPS, and a Sherpa. Off they went. Showing up right after the straws were Little Red Riding Wood and Popeye’s Bitch, who rode his bike all the way from home, 3 blocks away. Nice.
On On was…sort of called, and the pack immediately got separated, with half the pack putting their stuff in Rash’s trunk (and if you’d like to buy anything out of my trunk, like, say, a t-shirt or some cheerleader shorts or a vial of crack, please let me know) and the other half having a hissy fit and taking off when they did not see everyone else when they came out late from the bar because they were taking forever in the bathroom fussing with their makeup or whatever. Bastards. At any rate, after some trail that involved a lot of checks, the pack met up at the beer near at some bar in some alley, and there was plenty of bitching and recriminations all around. But, a round of beers calmed everyone down, and after communally hocking a loogy into Elmo’s beer while he was in the bathroom (seriously, dude, why’d you give it to me to hold?) the pack was off again. Trail stretched down Chestnut street, and tapered off into…nothing? No! It was cleverly hidden on the railroad bridge piling, and the pack ran into the edge of Penn’s campus. And THEN trail tapered into nothing, because the hares had run out of flour.
Pop Quiz! When you run out of flour on trail you:
A. Buy more flour, continue to lay trail
B. Write “ON IN” with your remaining flour, go back to the bar
C. Lay trail with toilet paper
D. Attempt to lay trail using a rock
If you said A, you are clearly an overachieving assclown, and are probably E = My Cock Squared. If you said B, you are clearly a lazy, alcohol-obsessed hasher. Good job! If you said C, you are inventive, and are most likely Dancing Fool. If you said D, you are clearly Just Mike. Dude! Who lays trail with a rock? Who even thinks of that? Everybody, start thinking of names for Just Mike based on this little event.
But everyone made it back to the bar and drinking promptly ensued, along with a few deep, heartfelt discussions, including: Skin Fiddle’s deep and abiding respect for William Shatner, Hold the Sausage’s story of a guy who gave his grandmother gonnahrea by backwashing into her milk, Rash’s story about the guy who ralphed for the duration of a flight to Vegas and is now banned from Northwest Airlines, and Cunnilingus Interruptus’ treatise on sex, which lasted a good 30-45 minutes in the circle.
Right! The circle! This week’s cast of characters:
Hares: Just Mike, Cunnilingus Interruptus Hat in the circle: Just Mike, (And under the “When one hare drinks rule: Cunnilingus Interruptus) BFM Virgin/Visitor: Cunnilingus Interruptus First In/Last In: Tickle my Elmo, Fiber Opdick Autohashers: Sly Fox, Just Craig Accusations: Skin Fiddle for being an FRB, Sly for eating Elmo’s meat, Just Mike for researching trail, and under the “When one hare drinks rule: Cunnilingus Interruptus
| Hare: | Just Mike, Cunnilingus Interruptus |
| Hat in the Circle | Just Mike |
| First In: | Tickle My Elmo (AKA Eat My Meat) |
| Last In: | Fiber Opdick |
| Autohashers: | Sly Fox, Just Craig |
| Accusations: | Skin Fiddle, FRB; Sly, eating Elmo’s meat |
|
Announcements: Phillies game, tailgate sometime in August |
And finally, quotes overheard at the hash:
“You can eat my meat, baby.”
“If you’ve lost your upper dentures, please come to the wheelhouse.”
On On, Rash
Filed Under Trash |
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