BFM #113 - Beer and Loathing in Philadelphia
Posted on April 20, 2006
20 April 2006 – PHILADELPHIA: Some stories are composed of unbiased fact. Some stories are composed of unfortunate lies. And then there are stories that are simply based on confusion. This account of the BFMH3’s 113th trail at the B and W Bar will be of the latter variety. Why? Well, I kind of sort of missed the start of the hash and then became kind of sort of confused by some pretty red flour from last week’s hash and then basically decided to scrap trying to find the trail in favor of channeling my inner Rocky. And why was I late in the first place? I was industriously researching clever ways to use leftover Easter candy and just plain wasting time watching fine films reenacted in 30 seconds by bunnies.
I returned to the bar just in time to offer greetings to Oral Oh! and Self Service before E=MyCock² walked in carrying a mostly empty bag of flour. Next to come trotting in was a smiling Skin Fiddle. Rounding out the hashers present at the B and W were Can You Hear Me Now?, Cunting Season, Dances with Bum’s Urine, Dry Hump, Fiber Opdick, He’s a Lesbian, Just Dan, Little F*cking Winkie, Rash, Scooby Snatch, Stacks, Strap On, and Teflon. The lovely and gracious Oral Oh! volunteered to collect hash cash and promptly procured several pictures of not-so-delicious beer (even by hasher standards). Despite the questionable quality of the beverage, it was soon depleted. When the pitchers were refilled with lager, there was much rejoicing among the hashers. Once everyone had something more refined to drink, Scooby Snatch attempted to convene the circle. This provided to be a rather difficult and lengthy task, perhaps because the mob’s senses were already dulled by the inferior, rather watery beer. Once a sufficiently circular formation was achieved, the deluge of down-downs began.
Hare(s):
Can You Hear Me Now? who was eventually caught and replaced by E=MyCock²
First In/Last In:
Skin Fiddle (the sleeper choice of the evening) and Teflon
Visitor:
Teflon (who chose to entertain the BFM with a wholesome, family-oriented joke)
Autohashers:
Oral Oh! and Self Service
Accusations – Round 1:
Skin Fiddle (for messing up the ever popular song “Someone’s in Your Sister’s….”)
He’s a Lesbian and Dances with Bum’s Urine (for assaulting a public fountain and quite possibly enjoying a tango with a homeless person’s bodily waste)
Cunting Season (for posting the incorrect date for the trail)
Birthdays – featuring the old/new hasher tradition of the side-side:
Stacks (held aloft by Teflon and Dry Hump)
Hold the Sausage (held aloft by She Man and Little F*cking Winkie)
Dry Hump (who somehow managed to weasel his way out of doing a side-side and did his down down standing upright on his own two feet)
E=MyCock² (lifted and antagonized by Rash, Oral Oh!, and Cunting Season)
Accusations – Round 2:
Oral Oh! (for being a “circle Nazi” as well as hashing, enjoying a massage, and getting a haircut while in Boston)
–with–
Cunting Season and Rash (for being fellow members of the away team)
Stacks (for freaking out when her name was called out at a r*ce)
He’s a Lesbian (for being present at the aforementioned event)
E=MyCock² and Strap On (for participating in a marathon)
Accusations – Round 3:
Teflon (for some birthday related offense)
Lunar Digit (for being not only an autohasher, but a tardy autohasher)
Announcements:
Skin Fiddle’s annual picnic – 2nd weekend in May
BFM prom – June 15th
Hashtille Day D’Artathalon – July 14th
The circle was eventually closed and many an additional pitcher of lager was consumed. Perhaps feeling some nostalgia for her childhood, Stacks shared some birthday cupcakes and some birthday trivia; who would have thought that she shares her birthday with a very bad man? Before the hashers dispersed into the night, the perpetually wise Skin Fiddle left the mob with a timeless piece of advice: “If I want to see a love story, I’ll watch hardcore porn.” See all of you hopeless romantics at the video store….
On On,
Hold the Sausage
Filed Under Trash |
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