BFM #125 - An Ass Slapping Good Time
Posted on July 13, 2006
13 July 2006 – PHILADELPHIA: It’s a fact that all hashers worth their weight in beer love to (and are experts at) wasting time. This has contributed to the popularity of the Overheard at the Hash section of the trash and the rabid following of the Overheard in New York website. Oh, but it gets better. Now, procrastinating hashers everywhere can pursue concurrently their loves of urban orienteering and really stupid comments with cyber crack. This may explain why this week’s trash is almost late. Hmmm. And while we’re on the subject of wasting time, let me segue into getting wasted. Here’s a helpful tip for the harriettes (and for harriers that find themselves sporting skirts). Now back to your regularly scheduled trash.
By the time I arrived at T. A. Flannery’s an assembly of the (un)usual miscreants (AKA, Ass the Other Vagina, Can You Hear Me Now?, Cousin It, Insane in the Membrane, Oral Oh!, Self Service, and Tickle My Elmo) was mingling with a cluster of fresh (or at least not quite corrupted) recruits including Just Craig, Just Jody, Just Steve and virgins Just Dan, Just Michael, and Just Rachel. Amid pre-trails beers and banter E=MyCock², Little Red Riding Wood, Scooby Snatch, Skin Fiddle, and Strap On wandered in and joined the always eager pack. Oral Oh! grabbed straws and gnawed down the short one before offering them to the mob. AKA chose the lucky straw and somehow managed to so convincingly express his unfamiliarity with Philly that E(=aNormalTrail²) gallantly offered to be his co-hare. The mob groaned for the entire five minutes of head start that it allotted the hares before starting out in pursuit.
The trail headed toward Market St. then snaked toward the now familiar Fairmount area. After some trouble sniffing out a check at 18th and Callowhill, the trail went east before crossing back over Vine St. near Hahnemann Hospital and meandering toward Rittenhouse Square. By the time the mob reached Philly’s classiest square, darkness had fallen and, apparently, so had our hares. In some blur of massive confusion just a few blocks from the bar Just Craig achieved his goal of catching a hare, tagged AKA under the direction of E, took the bag of flour to finish the trail, and then promptly got lost. Miraculously, Just Craig was the only one to get lost as the mob eschewed the idea of following more trail and opted instead to follow the scent of beer back to T. A. Flannery’s.
Once everyone was back outside the bar the gracious Skin Fiddle passed out pitchers of water to rehydrate the sweaty mob. Upon entering the bar the mob was greeted by Rash and He’s a Lesbian, both nicely dressed and perspiration free. Oral Oh! collected hash cash, procured beer, and directed everyone to a cluster of convenient outdoor tables. Soon it was time to open the circle so RA Scooby Snatch corralled the mob indoors. Before the first down-down could be administered, a late-cumming Lunar Digit and the latest DC transplant, Egotesticle, bounded into the bar and joined the circle. Beers were distributed and the hashers were roasted as such:
Hare(s):
AKA, E=MyCock², and Just Craig – begging the question of just how many harriers it takes to make a sh*tty trail
Virgins:
Just Dan (AKA made him cum) and Just Michael and Just Rachel (Insane in the Membrane made them cum)
Followed immediately by hat violation down-downs by Just Dan and Just Rachel, virgin mis-education down-downs by AKA and Insane in the Membrane, and “when one hare drinks…” down-downs for E and Just Craig
Visitors:
Egotesticle – from White House H3 – who neglected to recognize that dicks are for the chicks and instead entertained the mob with not one but two jokes
Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: Because they think men care.
–and–
A long story involving a bear walking into a bar and eating a bitch at the end of the bar and being denied service and finally being accused of drug use for the bar-bitch-you-ate.
Ha. I’m sure he’ll repeat it for you if you ask nicely.
First In/Last In:
Cousin It (surprising!) and Strap On (even more surprising!)
Followed immediately by a hat violation down-down by Cousin It
Cums Latelys:
Lunar Digit, Insane in the Membrane, and Ass the Other Vagina
Followed immediately by Scooby Snatch for screwing up their song
Autohashers:
He’s a Lesbian, Lunar Digit, Rash, and Skin Fiddle
Followed immediately by Tickle My Elmo for a false accusation
Accusations:
Just Dan – tech in the circle (his response: “It was my bitch’s fault!”)
Tickle My Elmo – for a falsely accusing Just Craig of sporting a r*cing shirt
Just Craig – for clearly taking a fashion cue from Dancing Fool
Can You Hear Me Now? – for falsely accusing the hares of some dastardly deed
Rash and Hold the Sausage – for wearing matching skirts
Oral Oh! – for molesting a guy at a bar (apparently they’re calling it the sleeper hold nowadays…)
Rash, Oral Oh!, and Hold the Sausage – for being absent on secs last week
Can You Hear Me Now? – for calling the on secs hares
Just as the circle was about to be closed the mob was graced with the presence of Just Shannon, also referred to as Just Dan’s bitch (by him, not us). She gamely did a down-down and informed the mob that Just Dan made her cum “as usual.” The circle was then officially closed only to be reopened moments later to allow Self Service to do her birthday side-side. The lovely Ms. Service was held aloft by all of the bald men in the room as she chugged her beer. For the third and final time the circle was closed and the mob took up the task of draining many a pitcher of malted goodness. Little by little the mob dispersed into the night, but not before taking advantage of the crack box (erotic photo hunt for the uninitiated) and taking part in an ass slapping display that excited the locals a bit too much. Now don’t you wish you had stayed out later?
On On,
Hold the Sausage
Overheard at the hash:
Tickle My Elmo: No we DON’T want to hear the word of God!
(in response to Scooby Snatch’s Morman-like fashion sense)
Egotesticle: He’s a Lesbian works for me!
(in reference to something I forgot in the haze)
Sausage: This hash is inbred.
Rash: Everyone in the hash sleeps together.
Sausage: Sometimes with the same people.
(an attempt to educate/warn the naive)
Announcements:
Cousin It’s Phillies tailgate party August 12th
Filed Under Trash |
Leave a Comment
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
