BFM #131 - New! Worst! Trail! Ever!
Posted on August 24, 2006
24 August 2006 Philadelphia (sort of): So, I’ve been away for a few weeks in a decidedly foreign country and also New Jersey, and imagine my surprise at the whole crop of rumors that have sprung up in my absence. SO, I’d like to dispel, once and for all, the following:
1. I did not have sex with a llama.
2. I did not have sex with two llamas.
3. That picture doesn’t prove anything.
4. I am not pregnant with a llama.
5. I probably don’t have a tapeworm either, but I still like to talk about it. Much as in the same way that most of you don’t have sex but still like to talk about it.
Ok, now with that out of the way: It was a typical Thursday night as hashers gathered at the Henry James Saloon in Roxborough. Arriving were Mary Fuckin Poppins, European On Me, (still) Just Matt, Scooby Snatch, He’s a Lesbian, Rash, Cause For Blindness, virgin Just John who was convinced to come by a hasher friend (name unknown, but from San Francisco), Cunting Season, Tickle My Elmo, Mayor Quimby, who will be referred to throughout this trash as Mayor “Banana Hammock” Quimby because y’all named him when I wasn’t around and that’s the name I wanted and I’m writing this, so there, E=My Cock Squared, Rear Engineer, Bumble Beaver, Just Jen, and Cousin It.
Red Light School District had pre-laid a trail around Roxborough, so at the appointed hash standard time, the Mob was off, running up a hill and through a churchyard, then heading down towards Manayunk when trail…stopped. The Mob hung out at a check for 15 minutes, idly chatting, waiting for the FRBs to check the surrounding blocks, but nothing. The trail had simply…. disappeared? (Been set in blue flour?) Rear Engineer volunteered that he knew where the trail was going to come out of the woods, so the Mob, being the Mob, elected to follow him to the woods. The Mob jogged to Henry Ave and the woods, where they discovered…no trail again. Well, to be fair, there might have been trail. But it was completely dark and impossible to see anything, let alone blue flour, so our intrepid proxy hare led us directly to the On In. Which was fabulous.
The On In was held at Red Light School District and Rear Engineer’s house, and for however shitty the trail may have been, the On In was great - a keg AND little chicken nugget thingies AND tater-tots. Awesome. It was like high school. Drinking ensued, straggling hashers (including a very late Just Jeremy) and auto hashers were rounded up, and a circle was formed. Violations are as follows:
Hare - Red Light School District, Rear Engineer
Virgin - Just John, some hasher in San Francisco made him come
Long-Time-No-See’ers - Mary Fuckin’ Poppins, Scooby Snatch, and under the When One GM Drinks rule - Tickle My Elmo and Cunting Season
Autohashers - He’s a Lesbian, Skin Fiddle
And Accusations! (This was the fun part. At least until that neighbor popped over the fence and got all mad at us for being loud at 9:45 pm.)
For:
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Taking advantage of Mayor “Banana Hammock” Quimby’s sister at Bruce-A-Pa-Looza: Scooby Snatch, and under the When One GM Drinks rule, Tickle My Elmo and Cunting Season
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Then not calling her the next day: Scooby Snatch and under the When One GM Drinks rule, Tickle My Elmo and Cunting Season
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Talking about his sister: E = My Cock Squared
-
Falsely accusing E of being a GM: Mayor “Banana Hammock” Quimby
-
Attempting to make an accusation: Cause for Blindness
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Having more flour in a bag on the patio than on the trail: Red Light School District, and because when one hare drinks…Rear Engineer
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New socks: Mayor “Banana Hammock” Quimby, who shared the beer he strained through his new sock with Scooby Snatch, in honor of him being the worst his sister ever had. (Mayor “Banana Hammock” Quimby’s sister, not Scooby Snatch’s sister.) (As far as I know.)
And finally, in honor of a spectacularly shitty trail, Red Light School District was renamed. Suggestions included Stunt Dick Double, Racist Chalkf*cker, and Disappointing Weiner, but the winning name was:
Two Clump Chump
Congratulations, YFF! You’ve been renamed. Maybe we’ll do it again next week.
The hash ended with the normal drinking and milling around, and, according to my notes, an argument between Tickle My Elmo and Cunting Season about penis size.
Announcements:
Skin Fiddle’s Annual Pre-Labor Day Hash Bash Extravaganza is next Thursday night. There will be trail, beer, and barbecue.
DC Red Dress Run:
ONLINE REGISTRATION IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED! The final trickle-in mail registrations will be tallied by the end of the week. If there is an additional spot or two, it will be announced on this homepage, and will only be available online.
Later this week, you will be able to buy/sell your registrations on this site. Stay tuned for further instructions. http://dchashing.com/dcreddress/
If you need a ride or hotel, talk to He’s A Lesbian
Philly 1500th, September 15th &16th, see http://www.phillyhash.com/directio12.html for more details.
This weekend - hash with Blue Hen H3 or Hockessin H3 in New Jersey. Should be a good time.
(Ask Mary F’n Poppins for details)
Public Service Announcements:
We have always had this issue around this time of year when it starts getting darker earlier again, but we never remember. If you are setting a trail, do NOT use blue chalk. It’s just not at all visible at night. If you’re desperate, use sidewalk chalk instead.
Also, for trails with potential shiggy (which really only includes Manayunk/Roxborough) try to remember to bring a flashlight.
Overheard At The Hash:
Two Clump Chump: Yes, I AM a hermaphrodite.
Mayor “Banana Hammock” Quimby: No, I smelled it! No piss.
On On,
Rash
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