BFM #132 - Hash Bash Extravaganza!
Posted on August 31, 2006
31 August 2006 Philadelphia: I actually thought that nothing could be wilder than Last Year’s Skin Fiddle’s Pre-Labor Day Hash Bash Extravaganza, which featured a surprise appearance by the entire male student body from PCOM as well as a whole load of hashers. From my own personal perspective, I thought it couldn’t get any better. However, my notes from This Year’s Skin Fiddle’s Annual Pre-Labor Day Hash Bash Extravaganza read like the New Orleans police report from Mardi Gras, only with significantly less public urination and slightly more nudity.
Sorry you missed it now, aren’t you?
The Extravaganza began in Skin Fiddle’s backyard, with the appearance of the following: Skin Fiddle, Little F*cking Winkie, Just Jim, Can You Hear Me Now?, Tastes Like Chicken, Cunting Season, Tickle My Elmo, Holy F*ck, Hold the Sausage, Stacks, Virgin Pimp, Insane in the Membrane, Dancing Fool, Big Tackle, Two Clump Chump, Bumble Beaver, She Man, Rear Engineer, Taint Me (neé Ass: The Other Vagina), Just Jeremy, Just John, Just Rachel, E = My Cock Squared, Strap On, Scooby Snatch, Pelvis Has Left the Building, The Rash, Nice Nuggets…Fat Ass (formerly Oral Oh!, formerly Oral Offender) and Dances With Bum’s Urine. (There were a lot of you, so if I’ve forgotten anybody, you can email me to complain. I’ll do nothing about it, but you can complain.)
After a lot of milling around and chatting and drinking beer, the Mob was finally rounded up and given their weekly dose of chalk talk. The special instructions were “You will want to stay on trail so you don’t miss something very special” or something to that effect. Excited, the Mob tore off into the night a few minutes after volunteer hare E=My Cock Squared, passing houses, parks, and a police station before heading in the direction of the Art Museum. “Ooo! Tequila shots in the gazebo again, maybe?” Well…no. Instead trail led down through the treacherous and debris-filled tunnel under the museum then across the street and down the Ben Franklin Parkway next to the repaving work. The Mob dashed across still-sticky asphalt to loop around various blocks around Broad Street which featured very helpful crackheads (“Uh, you should catch up with your friends”) before ending back at the start. What was the something special? We still have no idea.
Unless, of course, you count the fabulous keg and barbecue at the On In. Autohashers Little Red Riding Wood, Cause For Blindness and Deep Flute had arrived in the meantime. The Mob descended like locusts on the hot dogs until finally the circle was organized and violations were handed out.
Hare: E=My Cock Squared
Long Time No See’ers: Little Red Riding Wood, Taste Like Chicken, Big Tackle, Dancing Fool
Autohashers: SheMan, Little Red Riding Wood, Deep Flute (down-down carried out by proxy Hold the Sausage) Cause for Blindness
First In/Last In: Nice Nuggets and Virgin Pimp, and under the When One Person Takes a Cab rule, Cunting Season, and under the When One GM Drinks rule, Scooby Snatch and Tickle My Elmo
Best Tax Day Story: Skin Fiddle, for a story about the Champagne Room
Wearing a Race Shirt: Just John, Nice Nuggets
Hash Crash (getting injured on trail): Nice Nuggets
For Preferring to Answer the Call of Nature in the Woods Instead of in a Strip Club in Scranton: Skin Fiddle, Under the When One RA Drinks rule, Scooby Snatch, and under the When One GM etc, Tickle My Elmo, Cunting Season
For Pouring Beer on Tastes Like Chicken: Scooby Snatch, and When One GM blah de blah, Tickle My Elmo, Cunting Season
For Locking His Key in His Trunk: Little F*cking Winkie
For Wearing a Mickey Mouse Shirt: Taint Me
Pointing in the Circle: Pelvis Has Left the Building
For Not Letting it Go Already About the Mickey Mouse Shirt: Pelvis Has Left the Building
Aaaaaaaand Once More for Headgear: Pelvis Has Left the Building
The circle was nearly closed when it was announced that Insane in the Membrane was going to celebrate her birthday in about two hours. She has summarily hoisted, what looked like molested by Can You Hear Me Now?, then drank her side-side like a professional hasher.
Then the circle was FINALLY closed, and the party really began. Pelvis Has Left the Building tried to explain her headgear (a bandana) to me — “But at Everyday Is Wednesday, they MADE me keep it on!” Well, that’s fine, but here at the Ben Franklin Mob, the following items constitute headgear whenever we feel like it/are sober enough to notice:
· Hat
· Bandana
· Doo-rag (drink twice for that, actually)
· Sombrero
· Viking Helmet
· Bunny Ears
· Something on your head
The following items do not:
· Hair
Other highlights included Cunting Season elbowing Taint Me in the crotch a couple of times, and Tickle My Elmo giving Just Rachel and Insane in the Membrane an impromptu anatomy lesson on 16th St. (I was in the vicinity, thanks to E=My Cock Squared, but can only report that Elmo wears Joe Namath Netted Slingshot Briefs")(Red)
So overall, it was a great party (be sure to thank Skin Fiddle), and the police didn’t even show up! I can’t wait to see what happens next year.
Announcements:
NOW - Registration due for the Philly H3 1500th on September 16th
September 15th - Philly Full Moon hared by Bumble Beaver at Keliann’s in University City (44th & Spruce)
September 23rd - SheMan & Deep Flute’s Housewarming Party!
Overheard At The Hash
Tickle My Elmo: Yeah, I slapped the shit out of his inner thighs. He didn’t do anything.
She Man: All that alcohol…I kept ending up in the bathtub naked with no water.
Dances With Bum‘s Urine: Can I bring the guy who stabbed my fridge?
She Man: Ha ha ha! No.
Random Hasher: Hey, did you know Hitler had three balls?
Scooby Snatch: I have, like, a Mach One cock.
On On,
The Rash
Filed Under Trash |
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