BFMH3-138 Traffic Safety
Posted on October 12, 2006
PHILADELPHIA: First, a Public Safety Announcement:
OK, I’m going to start this trash out with my absolute last and final warning about running into traffic. Are you listening? Here, put your ear right up close to the screen. Ready? Here it is: QUIT RUNNING INTO TRAFFIC. NOW. TODAY. This is a city where the taxis are engaged in a perpetual Chevy Caprice land speed trial and I am tired of sounding like my mother every time I see one of you nearly lose a limb blithely wandering across a street. (Although my mother is far, far less likely to use the f-word.) STOP.. IT.
Good. Now, with that out of the way… This week, the Mob gathered at old favorite Cherry Street Tavern. Arriving at the bar were Stacks, Hold the Sausage, Tickle My Elmo, He’s A Lesbian, Scooby Snatch, The Rash, Two Clump Chump, She Man, Little Fuckin Winkie, virgin hasher and recent Bar-passer Just Manish, who was brought by Virgin Pimp who also just passed the Bar, and Can You Hear Me Now? who passed the Bar a while ago (go ahead and insert your favorite lawyer joke here. I’m partial to the shark one, myself), Just John, Festering Beanie Baby, previously of some other hash but who now resides in Philly, Plastic Pud, who brought out virgin Just Mike, and Dancing Fool, who brought out a piñata.
The Mob stood around chatting and drinking beer until Dancing Fool cheerfully volunteered to hare. After he disappeared into the night with a bag of flour, the Mob finished their beers and shuffled outside for Scooby’s patented long-ass chalk talk. Chalk talk finally over, the Mob dashed off to find trail. On-Ons were heard as the FRBs ran towards the Ben Franklin Parkway. A scenic trail led the hashers up towards the Art Museum, then under the Art Museum through that weird tunnel thing that’s lined with bottles, shoes, and, inexplicably, a section of neatly laid carpeting. The Mob surfaced, was temporarily baffled by a back check, then finally took off along the Schuykill River. Trail led across the railroad tracks and over a fence. A lot of the Mob elected to actually climb the fence, most punctuating their attempts with phrases like, “That was my crotch!” and “Ow.” The smarter members of the Mob (both of us) noticed that there was a gate 20 feet away and sensibly ran through that. Which was good, because that was where the Beer Near was scrawled on the ground. The Mob happily trotted over to Dancing Fool’s car, where the hare had thoughtfully left a case of beer.
After downing beers, the Mob headed off in the direction that the hare had gone, serenading the already-traumatized neighborhood with several verses of “My Girlfriend is a Vegetable.” Back at the bar, auto hashers Sloppy Ho, Skin Fiddle, Rear Engineer, Deep Flute and Up Her Ali had rolled in. Hash cash was collected and beer was dispensed and the circle was….well, circled.
Circle this evening was run by RA Scooby Snatch. Violations are as follows:
Hare: Dancing Fool. Proxy down-down performed by SheMan
Virgins: Just Manish (Virgin Pimp made him come), Just Mike (Plastic Pud made him come), Just Kyle (Festering Beanie Baby made him come. But he hadn’t run trail. And just sort of materialized when the beer arrived. He’s clearly hasher material.)
Visitors: Festering Beanie Baby, from…somewhere. He sang a song..
First In/Last In: He’s A Lesbian, Two Clump Chump
Hashus Interruptus: Scooby Snatch
Autohashers: Up Her Ali, Sloppy Ho, Skin Fiddle, Rear Engineer
Tech on Trail: Festering Beanie Baby
Buying Their Own Beer After There Was Hash Beer: Just John, He’s A Lesbian
Taking a Phone Call And/Or Being Whipped: SheMan
Matching Shirt and Shoes: Hold the Sausage, and under the When One Trash Drinks rule, The Rash
Passing the Bar: Virgin Pimp, Just Manish, and under the When One Lawyer Drinks rule, Can You Hear Me Now?
So that was the hash. There was the typical milling around and drinking. There was a spirited discussion of Winkie’s latest collection of vibrators and mature porn DVDs. Then there was collective disgust. You know, the usual.
Announcements: No events timely enough to make the trash, however, it was announced that Scooby is really rusty at running circle.
Overheard At The Hash:
SheMan: It could always be worse. He could collect heads or something.
Scooby: So! What did everybody think of the circle tonight?
Hasher 1: The circle?
Hasher 2: You mean trail?
Hasher 3: Circle sucks!
On On,
The Rash
Filed Under Trash |
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