BFMH3-143 Scripture in the Circle
Posted on November 16, 2006
Instead of being forced to catatonically sit in front of my television and endure crap-tastic programming, I was positively gleeful this evening when I discovered that Encore was offering back to back presentations of Wrong Turn. Now this is an excellent example of a really good bad horror movie. And if you know anything about me, you know I absolutely adore horror movies. This particular film has it all: explosions, cannibalism, inbreeding, deformities, West Virginia mountain men, severed limbs, and an unclever chick that ends up battling villains in a tight, white tank top. I mean seriously kids, one of the main characters is named Three Finger! What’s not to love about that? Actually, that description sort of makes the movie sound like a typical Thursday at the hash. Well, maybe that’s a minor exaggeration. And yes, I’m aware that my passion may earn me the label of severely unhinged. I actually came to that realization on my own last week as I found myself laughing uncontrollably at the super fake looking arterial spurt as I was watching Hostel. So, point being, if my writing seems a little distracted it’s because I’m watching Wrong Turn, again.
I arrived to the Druid’s Keep well after the hare had been chosen and the pack had left in pursuit. A quick interrogation of Virgin Pimp yielded the information that Two Clump Chump selected the lucky straw and scampered off with the bag of flour. Before I could consume a tasty pint of beer, the pack began to trickle back into the bar. The Keep was soon overrun by Beagle, Europeen’ on Me, Jingle Balls, Mayor Quimby, Nice Nuggets Fat Ass, Rash, Scooby Snatch, Sly Fox, Snowball, and Tickle My Elmo. The lovely Ms. Nuggets collected hash cash with surprising efficiency and everyone was promptly holding a fresh pint of lager. After grabbing a stack of cups that could best be described as soup bowls, Scooby Snatch herded the mob outside onto the back patio to convene the circle.
Hare:
Two Clump Chump – who claimed it was the best trail he’s ever done, was roasted for too much flour, not enough flour, and cited for being two tall. This last fact incidentally helped Sly Fox obtain directions from a cop after she provided a physical description of the hare
Visitors:
Beagle – from Philly H3 – he elected to show a body part. Unfortunately for Beagle he chose to bare his chest and displayed a high tech heart rate monitor to the mob, thereby earning himself another down down.
First In/Last In:
Virgin Pimp and Mayor Quimby
Autohashers:
Nice Nuggets Fat Ass and Hold the Sausage with fellow triple sec, The Rash
Cums Lately:
Jingle Balls and Mayor Quimby
Perhaps in repentance for his absence, Jingle Balls feted the BFM with charmingly fanatical bag of “Jesus Candy.” This prompted the debate of whether “scripture in the circle” is a justification for a down down. Just in time for the accusations, E=MyCock² and Strap On stealthily slipped into the circle.
Accusations:
Beagle – tech on trail for the aforementioned heart rate monitor
Scooby Snatch and Nice Nuggets Fat Ass – for r*cing
Beagle – for pointing in the circle
Tickle My Elmo – for being an accusation whore – it was suggested that he should drink with all of the other BFM whores, but in an effort to conserve beer, the mob settled for co-GM Scooby Snatch
E=MyCock² – for being dead f*cking last
The Rash – for wearing as skirt AND looking overly athletic
Nice Nuggets Fat Ass – for failing to write several trashes, with her fellow triple secs Rash and Hold the Sausage
The circle was closed and the mob filtered back into the bar, most likely to the delight of the rather intoxicated looking fellow draped over one of the chairs outdoors. A very late Little F*cking Winkie arrived just in time to help deplete the remaining hash cash. Luckily, the bar contained a crack box, which provided much amusement for Strap On, Tickle My Elmo, and myself. Before long the mob drifted out into the night, certain to assemble again to slurp beer and cause mayhem.
On On,
Hold the Sausage
Overheard at the Hash:
Tickle My Elmo: I have a picture of Popeye’s Bitch fisting a turkey.
Scooby Snatch: Your ass or your front side will do.
Rash, describing Elmo: Underneath the hard, scaly, vicious, ass-punching exterior lies the heart of a softee.
Tickle My Elmo: I said ass slapper, and I take good care of my skin.
Announcements:
12/07 – Festivus Hash
12/08 – Philly Full Moon at the New Wave – there will be jello shots!
Filed Under Trash |
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