BFM Hash #156 - Dawn of a New Gynocracy
Posted on February 20, 2007
Our new fearless leader, Hold the Sausage, led us to our first new hash bar of the new rein of gyno-terror, the Lyons Den. Many hashers appeared out of the frozen tundra heeding the e-mail rant by Elmo. (Being that it’s perfect hash weather…sub zero and all)
Hashers braving the elements included: Hold the Sausage, Sloppy Ho, Elmo, E, Strap On, Jingle Balls, Big Tackle, Virgin Pimp, Scooby Snatch, Stacks, Just Arpat, Fiber Optic, Two Clump Chump, Sly Fox, Soft Core Analyst, Holy F*ck, NNFA, Cunting Season, LFW, Up Her Ali, and three brave new virgins, Just Travis, Just Guy, and Just Jerry.
Sloppy started her first chalk talk and Elmo gave her crap. (It’s what he does best). We were introduced to our virgins.
Just Travis – The Internet made him cum.
Just Guy – He made himself cum.
Just Jerry – Jingle Balls (I think) made him cum.
Then, the mob was off. The trail went uptown through Queens Village. Just Guy took to the trail like a natural, a Natural Born Hasher FRB? Or has he hashed before? (inquiring minds want to know) From there, the pack headed South into the depths of S. Philly. Heading through an apartment complex covered in a sheet of ice, Sausage, Holy F*ck and I were accosted by some punk kids in the parking lot. Taking on girls? Methinks these S. Philly kids are starting the thugging and wife beating early.
The pack then headed across Washington Avenue over more ice, snow, and slush mush. On a corner of Front Street, most of us in the pack lost the trail. Eventually, through a couple of alleyways, we saw the joyous orange “on-in”. Back to the bar we went.
Somewhere in the night, I heard that LF Winkie was going to try to recreate the scene from the Christmas Story; you know the one where the kids sticks his tongue on the pole to see if it will stick to the pole. Well, he did try and he almost got stuck! When he was egged on to try again, he was like hell no. I have two words if Winkie’s chicanery was actually successful…“You Tube”.
At the bar, we warmed up with some frosty beverages. Although we had a cheap pitcher special, the pitchers were more like “two pinters”. If you carried two across your breasts, you would be mistaken for the St. Pauli Girl. (a blonde wig would also help)
Sloppy opened the circle with a story that brought a tear to my eye. Sloppy recounted how one hasher from the EWH3 hash told her on the Ski Trip that the BFM hashers, “…are really nice.” Apparently, this member of the EWH3 hash was exceedingly intoxicated during the Ski Trip. The mob are not the kinder, gentler FFs that I know.
Sloppy also brought to us a new tradition to the circle. When a person speaks or makes an accusation they must first say their hash name. Of course, this was met with as much sarcasm and as much resistance as verbally possible. (without saying their names, naturally…)
Now the ground rules were set, the down downs commenced…
Down Downs:
Hare – Two Clump Chump
Virgins – Just Travis, Just Jerry, b Just Guy
Visitors – None (word has gotten out)
First In – Stacks
Last In – E
Cumes Lately – Fiber Optic
The gaggle of Auto Hashers – Nice Nuggets, Fat A$$, Cunting Season, Rear Engineer, Fiber Optic, Fruit of the Clue (it isn’t over 50 degrees yet), Just Christina, and whoever else was there.
Accusations:
Stan – For being the biggest whore at the EWH3 Ski Trip. Rumor has it that she has the clap.
Sloppy – For having notes as an RA. (and whatever else Scooby, E, et al. wanted to accuse her of)
E – Walking uphill both ways to school. (Is this really an accusation? Hell, I walked uphill both ways to school back in the day too.)
Elmo – Another EWH3 Ski Trip story – For complaining about the high snow on the bar crawl and spelunking. What is spelunking? Wikipedia knows all…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caving
Just Arpat – For consuming chips in the circle. (I think the whole BFM deserved to drink for this one, but we couldn’t afford it with the minute pitchers)
Soft Core Analyst – For not knowing his own phone number. (Then again, does anyone know their own phone number?)
Jingle Balls – For wanting SCA’s number. (Now that he is no longer seeing his sister, he must broaden his dating horizons.)
Scooby – For general bitching and being a baby in the circle. And you never will guess what happened next? – when one GM drinks, all GMs drink. (another hash shocker)
Announcements:
VD Party – She Man, Deep Flute, and Winkie’s House – 2508 E. Lehigh Avenue.
Bring booze, they have mixers.
Green Dress Weekend!!! (it’s the most wonderful time of the year)
Pre-pre Lube – BFM - March 8th – Bar TBD
Pre-Lube – Philly Full Moon – March 9th - Bar TBD
Actual Green Dress Run – March 10th – 3pm - Key West – Juniper Street near Locust
Hangover “Fat Boy” Hash – March 11th – Details TBD
So, buy your green dress and get your liver ready to rumble…
Get ready for the BFM 1st Anal “Tour de Butts”. (similar to the DC Tour de Jugs)
You must chug it to win it!
More details to follow…
The rest of the night went on like the rest of the night usually does. Beer, shots, bad music, deep and fulfilling conversations, and thwarted attempts at debauchery.
Afterwards, most of us satisfied our beer munchies, traversed home, passed out, dreamed of sh*tty hashes to come.
Except for Elmo - In the process of getting drunk and trying to pull an all-nighter prior to greeting his minons in Iowa, Elmo lost Stan. Yes folks, he lost the clap ridden Stan that he kidnapped to begin with! Now more unsuspecting ladies and gents will be infected. Elmo – Stan is a responsibility man, you can’t just leave her alone, you know how she gets!
Overheard at the hash:
When Sly Fox was taking off her shirt during the circle:
Elmo said “Lay down here for Jello Shots….”. The retort from the mob, “You mean body shots?”
Yes, more Elmo quotes:
Elmo, who was staying up all night prior to flying to the Midwest, “I am going back to Iowa to hang out with 400 of my closest friends.” (Elmo – isn’t that the entire population of Iowa?)
Two Clump Chump during the circle, the mob, “What doesn’t go in you, goes on you…” TCC’s response, “Kinda like my ex-girlfriend?” (Maybe the other way around? Or are you hanging out with R. Kelly?)
On, on,
Up Her Ali
Filed Under Trash |
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