BFM#154 Procrastinator? I Hardly Know Her!
Posted on February 6, 2007
You know what’s in March? National Procrastination Week. It’s scheduled for the second week of March, but celebrated during the third week. And in celebration of National Procrastination Week, I folded my laundry, called my sister the day after her birthday, and wrote this trash. Tada.
So, way, way back in…..January, I guess it was, there was a hash in Manayunk at the Bayou Grill. It was a small place, stuffed with preppy locals straight out of college, who were noticeably: 1. Disturbed by the entrance of the Mob, and 2. Drunk.
Rolling into the increasingly packed bar were Nice Nuggets, Fat Ass, The Rash, Cunting Season, Just Arpad, Two Clump Chump, Soft-Core Analyst, Jingle Balzzz, with AMN, Tickle My Elmo, Scooby Snatch, Deep Flute, Little Red Riding Wood, Just Christine, Virgin Pimp, Tongue in Groove, Beagle, Hold the Sausage, E=My Cock Squared, Fruit of the Clue, Lake Flaccid, Up Her Ali, Eurpe’een on Me, Holy Fuck, Strap On, Mayor Quimby and three girls he’d picked up somewhere - Just Gina, Just Kulynn, and Just Christie, and of course, Stan. And Just Kyle and Just John. The Mob milled around aimlessly drinking beer and slapping asses until it was announced that Two Clump Chump had already set trail and we would be on our way. After a lot of groaning, the Mob slurped down the rest of their beers and headed out into the dark, dark night, lit only by Cunting Season’s rave-style glow-sticks.
Trail was…ok, so trail start out pretty flat, and boring and just right straight out Main Street. But then! Have you ever seen the movie “The Mole People”? Probably not. It’s an old black-and-white movie, with Hugh Beaumont (Ward Cleaver), and a bunch of other guys who look like your dentist, and there’s a massively long and boring 45-minute-long-sequence of these five guys in Harry Truman pants and dress shoes just painstakingly climbing this damn mountain. This was a lot like trail. But without Ward Cleaver. Trail went up stairs! and up more stairs! and around a corner, down a little bit aaaaand up stairs! and then the Mob stranded at the top of a set of stairs because some fools were deliberately hiding the false and out of panic and desperation they almost decided to form a soccer team and eat each other but then there were more stairs! And then, an impromptu beer check under some train tracks. And then the Mob returned, uneaten, to the bar. And went upstairs.
Back at the bar, beers were wrangled and the circle was circled.
The Circle:
Hare: Two Clump Chump
Virgins: Just Arpad, Just Kurynn, Just Christie, Just Gina…Mayor Quimby made the three girls come. I have no idea what he did with Just Arpad.
First In/Last In: Rear Engineer, Tickle My Elmo
Comes Latelies: Lake Flaccid, Just Kyle
Autohashers: Soft-Core Analyst, Tongue in Groove, Up Her Ali, Stan, Just Kyle
Accusations:
Mayor Quimby, for not stunt-drinking for Stan
Fruit of the Clue, for new shoes
Hat violation, Mayor Quimby and Stan
Just Christie, for tech on trail, and under the “When One Virgin Drinks” Rule, Just everybody else
Deep Flute, for a dropped ID (I don’t know. It’s in my notes.)
And then! The excitement. Voting on new officers began this evening. Specifically, it began by sticking the signs for voting to the wall with chewing gum, and just degenerated from there. Stan was kidnapped this night, and stuffed down someone’s shirt and then in the trunk of a car. Circle was reopened, but there is no way I can read my notes, so…lick me.
And finally, E and Tickle My Elmo provide this last Overheard at the Hash:
E: I’m like walking sexuality.
Elmo: That’s how I think of you.
On On,
The Rash.
Filed Under Trash |
Leave a Comment
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
