Trash #155 It’s a Gynocracy!!
Posted on February 13, 2007
This week I said goodbye to the year long (well, almost year long) endurance trial of attempting to manage the BFM. It began at McGillin’s and befittingly ended at Bonner’s.
Those in attendance for this joyeous occasion were way too many to be named, but I’ll try a few: Bastard Child, Nice Nuggets…Fat Ass, Holy Fuck, Europee’n On Me, Tickle My Elmo, Tour de Puke from Harrisburg-Hershey HHH, Rear End Loader from White House HHH, Hand Job, Hare Ass, Riverman, Beagle, Cause for Blindness, Mayor Quimby and his harem, Dry Hump, The Rash, Hold the Sausage, Two Clump Chump, Stacks, Can You Hear Me Now?, Scooby Snatch, Sly Fox, Sloppy Ho, Well Hung Jury, Little Red Riding Wood, Bumble Beaver, Pelvis Has Left the Building, Up Her Ali, Jingle Balzzz, E=My Cock Squared, Strap On, Little Fucking Winkie and Fruit of the Clue - if I missed you, tough. There were a lot of people there…
The On-secs, Hold the Sausage, The Rash and Nice Nuggets…Fat Ass hared the trail as their last Fuck You to the hash. As I didn’t make it on trail because of an unfortunate memory loss moment when I forgot to bring my running shoes (I guess this past year of drinking has really taken it’s toll)… I have no info regarding incidents out on the streets. But I did hear that it crossed the river a few times and had two - count them - TWO beer checks. Practically unheard of on Thursdays. Bastard Child straggled in early since he supposedly lost everyone on trail. Yeah, sure you did Bastard. I’m sure it wasn’t the enticement of warmth and cheap beer…
Back at the bar, people gathered in the back for some warm food and cold beer. In the summer, I would have noted the foul stench from 40 sweaty bodies converged in a small, poorly ventilated space. But, thankfully, outside it was was colder than Dry Hump on a date with Cause.
After everyone put down a good base for the beer, circle ensued with Scooby Snatch revved up to direct his last.
Hares: Hold the Sausage, The Rash, Nice Nuggets…Fat Ass
First In/Last In: Bastard Child / Beagle (who, it should be noted, missed both beer checks and still came in last)
Comes Latelies: Bastard Child, New Kid on the Cock, Little Fucking Winkie
Autohashers: Cunting Season, Little Fucking Winkie, Fruit of the Clue, Mayor Quimby’s Harem, Europee’n On Me, Dry Hump, Riverman, Hand Job (who, it should also be noted, hasn’t done a down down in 15 years, since at the Philadelphia HHH, all current and former GM’s get to give their down downs to whomever they want - I think we should consider this rule at the BFM), Hare Ass, Bumble Beaver and Pelvis Has Left the Building.
Visitors: Rear End Loader (White House HHH) and Tour de Puke (Harrisburg Hershey and/or Reading HHH)
Accusations:
Sloppy Ho and Well Hung Jury: For singing Kelly Clarkson on trail
Cunting Season (and thus, Tickle My Elmo): Tech on trail
Mayor Quimby: Stan has flown the coup. Quimby accused Tickle My Elmo of stannapping. But, Elmo violated him since it’s completely possible that Stan ran away… I suspect there’s more to come from that saga…
NNFA: For not knowing New Kid on the Cock’s hash name
As part of our year long celebration of the end of the reign of Cunting Season, we had a few prizes:
Best Trail: Little Red Riding Wood for her Festival of Lights in South Philly
Worst Trail: Two Clump Chump for the unfollowable trail in Manayunk. It was at this hash he got renamed. He more than made up for it at his last hared trail. (I suspect Plastic Pud could just as easily have won this one)
Best Beer Check: Holy Fuck
Most Laid Trails: E=My Cock Squared who tied with Can You Hear Me Now? (Please note that this in no way implies they have been laid the most)
And the whole reason we were all there anyway:
New mis-management:
GM: Hold the Sausage
RA: Sloppy Ho
On Secs: Europee’n On Me, Holy Fuck and Up Her Ali
As Can You Hear Me Now? noted, we now have a full on gynocracy. Girls rule!
At this point, the notes I was taking on the back of the placemat get a little sparse. I’ll try to piece some of the rest of the night together for you.
There was a table of overly privledged, bad singing neophytes taking up OUR table in the middle of our bar. Rumor has it they were Penn Law students, which certainly doesn’t help the already tarnished image of lawyers… Yet, we still managed to drink and sing. Mayor Quimby and Cause for Blindness sang Summer Nights together. Sloppy Ho sang something other than Journey, NNFA was made to sing some really horrible song (Nookie by Limp Biscuit, thanks to Tour de Puke) as was I (I Touch Myself). Winkie sang, if you can call it that. Scooby Snatch sang Kiss Off by the Violent Femmes (I guess he told you guys!!), Sloppy Ho, NNFA and Well Hung Jury sang Kelly Clarkson - Since You’ve Been Gone (oddly enough), and I seem to recall Pelvis singing something - but I was more entranced by her dancing. At this point, people bought more pitchers. Notwithstanding the 33 pitchers of beer we drank with hash cash and contributions to hash cash. As usual, we kicked a keg (or two).
By now, it was late. So I headed home. If there was any juicy gossip to come out of this night, I know it and I’m not telling.
Thanks to everyone for letting me choose the bars this year and be a complete and utter dictator to the ever fabulous BFM. It’s been fun. See you on trail.
On, on
Cunting Season
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Well, it was ‘Add It Up’, but close enough.
But “Kiss Off” sounds so much better!!