BFM Hash #161 - Nuts to the Hash
Posted on March 25, 2007
Nuts!? They are tasty, salty, come in many shapes, sizes, and colors. They are featured prominently in grocery stores and even on television. Who can forget Chef from South Park’s Chocolate Salty Balls…
http://media.putfile.com/Chocolate-Salty-Balls-30
As the night went on, the nuts references were just cumming out; spawned on by a few harmless peanuts at the beginning of our bar crawl at the New Deck Tavern. I haven’t seen such focus on nuts since I hashed with the Flour City HHH in Rochester. One glorious summer evening in the Roc, one of the hashers named Fletch decided to perform some nut tricks. Living the sheltered life that I do, I didn’t realize that public display of the nuts was a common occurrence. Apparently it is in the FCHHH. I haven’t seen that much nuttage in a long time. (insert your snide remark here…)
Something I that I haven’t had in a while after a BFM hash is a wicked hangover. It isn’t that I consumed more alcohol units than usual, it is probably because I shouldn’t be out drinking with my cold. Rather, I should have been home watching American Idol and mind melding America’s teenage girls against voting for Sanjaya. I also probably could have avoided my precarious fate if I took Rear Engineer’s hangover helper — a Super B Vitamin supplement combined with a couple of Advil. Instead, to ease my pain, I stumbled over the Dutch Eating Place at the Reading Terminal Market for some egg and cheese sandwich goodness.
Coming out throughout the night for some frosty beverages in West Philly were: Scooby Snatch, Just Travis, Cause for Blindness, Sloppy Ho, Hold the Sausage, Rear Engineer, 2 Clump Chump, Soft Core Analyst, Up Her Ali, Sternum and Rectum, Stacks, E=MC2, Tight Lips, Anal ProBoner, Tickle My Elmo, Jingle Balzzz, Popeye’s Bitch, Well Hung Jury, Just Erik, Just Maria, New Kid on the Cock, Just Kyle, Just Reese, Just Christy, Virgin Pimp, Little F’ing Winkie, Fruit of the Clue, Dry Hump, Beagle, Allturd Boy, Bumble Beaver, and Stan.
The “trail”:
We met at the New Deck Tavern. I walked in and couldn’t find the hash. I found this peculiar. Being the nice night that it was the pack was hanging outside. After a few minutes, the rain started and the pack moved inside. Lager pitchers were passed around and then the nut talk ensued. (and the man love references) A sample of nut comments:
Scooby, “Excuse me I have to grab some nuts”
Male Hasher, “Salty Nuts?”
2 Clump, “What are you busting my nuts?”
2 Clump, “I just lost one of my nuts!”
Scooby, “Teabagging?…”
Male Hasher, “May I have some nuts…It has been a while since I have had nuts in my mouth.”
Hasher, “Nuts in beer? I think it improves the flavor.”
On, on was called and the pack went on its way to the next destination. First, there was chalk talk. The virgins were introduced to the hash:
Just Marie – Anal Proboner made her cum
Just Christy – Major Quimby made her cum
Just Reese – Sloppy Ho made him cum
Heading West on Sansom Street the pack found a beer check at HTS’s car. The pack drank their PBR’s quickly as the rain started to cum down. Luckily, Jingle Balzz had an egregiously large golf umbrella that kept many of us bimbos dry. We learned that Jingle purchased this umbrella at Walmart. (on the backs of Chinese and American children)
The pack went next to the old haunt Cavanaugh’s. We were sent downstairs for some beer, some pool, and some March Madness action.
The circle:
After another round of beers, Sloppy opened the circle. During the circle, there were a some unexpected cheerleader style high leg kicks from Sloppy and some other hash bimbos. (I feel like a new circle rule might be forming)
Virgins:
Just Marie – Anal ProBoner made her cum
Just Christy – Major Quimby made her cum
Just Reese – Sloppy Ho made him cum (This virgin would definitely win the Chris Kattan look alike contest. He would be in the running for the David Copperfield and Barry Manilow contests as well)
Just Heidi – Elmo made her cum
Planning the Bar Crawl: Sloppy and HTS
Comes Lately: New Kid on the Cock, Just Kyle, Anal Proboner
Autohashing: Realizing it was all of us – social!!
Accusations:
HTS: Raising hash cash to $7 and allowing Cause for Blindness to make accusations
Sloppy: For being a bad godmother to Stan
Elmo: Tech on trail
Anal Proboner: For having a secret?
Allturd Boy: For his unusual Stan e-mail from last week
Announcements:
Winkie/She Man/Deep Flute Party – Sat, March 24th. It is already over, so the stories should be circulating about now.
Full Moon Hash April 6th – Need a hare! Contact Elmo if you can hare.
The pack finished up their beers and we went to the Blarney Stone. The hash cash handled the $5 cover and the hashers were given a plastic cup to fill with the 50 cent (like the rapper) beverages of their choice. The pack milled about together until the college kids filtered in on college beer time. (Beginning drinking in bars at 10pm after pre-drinking in their abodes. Ahh alcohol, a good use of student loan money.) After the U. City kids finally overtook over the bar, the hashers began to take off into the rainy night after getting their money’s worth from the 50 cent beverages.
Overheard at the hash:
Scooby to Sloppy: You did the humpty hump up the butt?
Hasher: “I don’t need support – I just need someone to catch my droppings.”
Overheard on TV and at home:
“ I like playing with guys” (This wasn’t from the hash at all, this is from an CSN interview from a March Madness player while Just Rick and I were watching TV and I was writing the trash. I know, random, but it fits the nuts and man love theme.)
Just Rick: “I wonder if Kobe plays with little boys…a lot of little boys.”
Here’s to nuts! (and man love)
On, on, YFF
Up Her Ali
p.s. I heard from a reliable source that my hash trashing is rude. I now will give the following disclaimer for the rest of the year’s hash trash. I am/but most likely am not sorry for the following things:
- Misspelling or just plain forgetting your name. (This is as a result of years of beer consumption)
- Misrepresenting something innocuous that you did during the night. (I write the notes down and promptly forget what they mean.)
- Offending you by some sarcastic remark (But it entertains the rest of us)
- Poor word choice and bad grammar (I don’t write English so good)
or I can just give the standard entertainment disclaimer, and you all know that one…
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