BFM #164 – 2 Clump Gets Redemption…yet again

Posted on April 17, 2007

So much for the balmy spring weather from the previous week. As we walked through Queen Village and Society Hill, I wish I had worn my gloves. This night we were headed over to Old City and back to Sugar Mom’s – home of the $1, pounder PBR’s that is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. I’m rather fond of the eclectic atmosphere and patrons that frequent this homey subterranean oasis…and the beer selection is pretty decent too! ;)
        
Who came:
Fiber Opdick, Attila the Hung, Europee’n on Me, Plastic Pud, Rear Engineer, 2 Clump Chump, The Rash, Just Kate, Just Kyle, Just Erik, Just Dean, Cause 4 Blindness, Allturd Boy, Just Reese, Sloppy Ho, Hold The Sausage, Beagle, Virgin Pimp, Holy Fuck, Sly Fox, Little Red Riding Wood, Jingle Ballzzz, Mayor Quimby, Stan, E = My Cock2, Strap-On, CYHMN?, Popeye’s Bitch, Just John
 
As I stood drinking my Sierra, between jotting names and taking photos, our Grand Mistress, Hold the Sausage, walked around with straws. Since I wasn’t paying attention, Attila the Hung pulled for me, and handed me the straw. I looked…phew; I would not be hare this night.

 
The mob ventured upstairs and out into the damp night. Our hare, 2 Clump Chump had taken off and someone mentioned that he had left a "big clump" inside. Then, what seemed like a long explanation, followed as to why he was re-named. I turned my attention, to our RA, Sloppy Ho, who was providing an abridged chalk talk for the mob’s virgins: Just Dean and Just John.

 
The mob headed out and took a left onto Church Street. As I followed the mob I spotted Little Fucking Winkie walking down the street towards the bar. I jump up on him to give him a hug and he proceeded to carry me back to the bar so he could drop off his gear. We headed back out and caught up with the pack by running through a parking lot between two buildings on Church.
 
We ran up 3rd, made a right on Cherry Street, made a right at 4th and Race Streets, and took a left onto New Street. We ended up down by Spring Garden and I look over and see Sly Fox running up a hill. I think to myself, "I know she likes the outdoors and all but there’s perfectly good sidewalk over here." So being the lemmings we are, myself and several other hashers climb over a small rock ledge and follow Sly and, now, Mayor Quimby and Stan, up the hill. We ran along the barrier of 95 and through a small grove of pine trees and proceeded down the other side. I followed Jingle Ballzzz down the hill and when I reach the end, I discovered the ledge was now about 15′ tall. "Jane, get me off this crazy thing!" With that, along comes Attila the Hung, who, like some super hero swooping in to save the day, stops to help. Poor guy. I basically fell on him but he didn’t seem injured because after asking if I was OK, he simply took off. "Thanks Superman!"
 
We proceeded down 7th Street through a park and into Chinatown. We crossed over and onto Independence Mall where we saw a rather large group of tourists with a gentleman dressed as Ben Franklin, going on an evening tour. When Fiber Opdick laid eyes on them he made some comment and then sped off, I assume to wreak havoc amongst the tourists. I didn’t see any tousled tourists when I ran through so I assumed his attack was thwarted by the park guard standing near by. We continued down Chestnut Street and then turned left and ran up the alley alongside Drinkers, across Market Street, through the courtyard of a swanky apartment building and then made a left and headed back to Sug’s.
 
As I was running along I saw a person to my left walking a pug.  I was momentarily surprised that Holy Fuck wasn’t there petting the thing. With that thought, I saw her emerge out of the pack in front of me, do a sharp u-turn, with an expression on her face, which I can only describe as a 5-year old who just saw Santa Claus, and go back to pet the dog. She was so pug-crazed that I don’t think it occurred to her that she might be last in.
 
As I stood to cool down, someone remarked about the fact that everyone was stretching and posed the question, "when did the BFM become a r*nning club?" Then we noticed that 2 Clump was so resourceful with his use of flour that he had enough at the end to write, "F you, you F F".
 
I took a short walk to get Holy Fuck and towards me came Rear Engineer and Attila the Hung trying to, dare I say it, r*ace each other so they weren’t last in. Rumor has it that Rear Engineer almost did a butt-over-head when he ran into the chain that crosses Church Street. From a parking lot in another direction came Virgin Pimp and Cause 4 Blindness. It was like ants to a picnic. Somehow E managed to be last in.
 
As the six or so people, required to bring all the beer to the table, were making beer runs, I heard someone in the group next to us say, "I want to party with them." Just to give the non-participants an idea, they had to start pouring pints because we bought ALL the PBR Sugar Mom’s had. Nice!!
 
The circle began with Sloppy’s, which is slowly becoming tradition, snatch air-out kick.
 
Hare: 2 Clump Chump  (Our lovely RA, Sloppy Ho, announced that this trail is now her favorite trail laid since she’s been running in Philly.)
 
First In: Beagle
 
Last In: E = MC2
 
Virgins: Just Dean and Just John
 
Accusations:
Chaos started to ensue so my notes got a bit screwy and this is all i got for accusations: 
Auto-hashers:
Cums Lately:
Announcements:
Our Grand Mistress, Hold the Sausage soon made an announcement that this fine night we would have a naming. With that, Just Erik, was pulled into the center of the circle and forced to his knees.
 
Some of the suggestions from the Mob…BFM favorite Stunt Dick Double, Snatch Monkey, Cure for Blindness, Juvenile Delinquent, Child Molester, Uncle Fister, Bitch Set Me Up, Snatch Hound, Nappy Headed Ho, Jail House Cock, Cougar Hunger…
 
In the end, Just Erik was christened Nappy-Headed Ho.
 
 
On, On!
Europee’n on Me

Filed Under Trash |

Leave a Comment

If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.

Name (required)

Email (required)

Website

Comments