BFM Hash #166 - Serenading Stan at Westy’s
Posted on May 3, 2007
The pack met at Westy’s – a dive bar that is known for its cheap beer, greasy food, and Thursday night Karaoke. As I arrived, I spotted one of the co-hares Hold the Sausage coming back from setting the last part of the run. Our GM had better things to do, as she needed to represent the BFM in street hockey in Manayunk. Apparently, several of our fellow regular hashers were also missing due to this conflicting interest. I guess Rear Engineer promised them there would be beer there and they may never come back…
The pack that wandered into run the trail were Mayor Quimby, Plastic Pud, CYHMN, Fiber Opdick (who is not listed first for once), Holy F*ck, Over Easy, Just Meg, Nice Nuggets Fat Ass, Cause, Popeye’s Bitch, Jingle Balzzz, LF Winkie, Cunting Season, Stacks, Sly Fox, Little Red Riding Wood, Just Reese, Hold the Sausage, Soft Core Analyst, Just Alison, Just Kate, Up Her Ali and whoever else showed up during the night. (there were a lot of you!)
The pack milled around the bar for a while. During this time, Fiber Opdick was handing out decals for the Stan’s Bitches in an official looking manila envelope that eventually was lost. We eventually made it outside the bar to do the chalk talk. Sloppy Ho, our RA, was one of the hares; so we were left to our own devices to explain the marks to our three virgins who came out that night – Just Meg, Just Alice, and Just Megan. All we knew was there was a beer check - the pack was motivated.
The pack then set out to find trail. (so… you can just skip this part of the narrative until the beer check, I know you are you not going to really read what happens now…) We ran up through the warehouse district up to Spring Garden. We were check hung at Broad and Spring Garden. Holy F*ck and I might have led on that we knew where the beer check was or maybe we didn’t. Winkie, having an idea where the beer check might be, took us North on Broad Street. We eventually found trail on 15th street and headed North of Fairmont. If you haven’t been North of Fairmont, it is an experience. To put it this way, you might want to run a bit faster in that area. Cunting Season and I learned this first hand when we hared a few months ago.
After crossing back over Fairmont, we ran through a park and to Sloppy Ho’s apartment for a beer check. Sloppy had about 60 beers giving to her courtesy of the Egotestical and the Wharton b-school folks. (I admit I don’t like the Wharton b-school kids by reputation, but they could be growing on me if they keep up the beer donations…then again maybe not…) The pack drank the variety of yummy beers and some of the group huddled outside on the back deck. So many of our tried to chill on the deck, some of us were afraid we might tumble to an early death. At the beer check, we learned that the harriers that ran last Saturday’s Philly trail in Fairmont Park had all gotten a case of Poison Ivy. The hare of the debaucle was CYHMN and even he was oozing poison ivy goo. We stayed away from him. (as usual)
The circle:
After returning from trail, the circle was behind Westy’s in the adjacent parking lot. This lot is deserted except for some random tour buses. These same random buses threatened to take us out as we began the circle. Sloppy Ho opened the circle high leg kick style and we were off…
Earlier in the night, I learned that Holy F*ck was our circle’s unsung hero. Despite a car breakdown, she was able to pick up the 30 pack of PBR to save our circle. Apparently, HF’s car broke down in Delaware, (the dude forgot to put the oil cap on after an oil change) but she was able to pull off at the exit with a Jiffy Lube. As luck would have it, Total Wine and Spirits was in the same shopping center. Our heroine quickly realized the opportunity to buy the case of beer and the circle was saved!
Hares – Sloppy Ho, Just Melissa, and Quimby for Hold the Sausage.
Virgins –
Just Meggin – Popeye’ Bitch made her cum on Saturday… really?? How did this happen?
Just Alice – Nappy Headed Ho made her cum
Just Meg – Over Easy made her cum.
Not once did the BFM boyz-2-men remind the three attractive female virgins about the option. What’s up with this — lowered expectations or are you starting to play for the other team?
First In – LF Winkie
Last In – Cause
Autohashers – Skin Fiddle, Elmo, Attila the Hung, Fiber Opdick, Just Reese, and Big Tackle
Accusations:
First, we asked how Popeye’s Bitch met the Virgin and made her cum on Saturday night. (some of us are still in shock)
Queef – For washing Sloppy’s clothes. While the rest of us went outside on the first floor, Queef decided to take a tour of the basement.
Stacks – For running into a parking meter.
NNFA – For wearing perfume and leopard skin.
Sloppy Ho – Accused of being an overachieving ass clown and running a half marathon in Idaho. Some thought this must be some kind of a sack race…after asking if she got busy there… her silence led us to believe this really was a sack race.
(the On-Secs, Holy F*ck and Up Her Ali for being in the gynocracy)
Just Reese – For being a pussy and wanting to go inside because it was cold.
Announcements:
Nice Nuggets Fat Ass – Get ready for the 169th run – details to follow.
Elmo – Full Moon at Standard Tap in the Northern Liberties.
Cunting Season – July 14th , Hastille Day Dartathalon – save the date!
Just Reese – Practice for Stan’s Bitches on Sunday (Note: this has already passed. There is a game this weekend for Stan’s Bitches) Fiber Opdick also mentioned that there were iron on decals with instructions for the very bright orange Kickball T-shirt. Also, Quimby informed us that it was Stan’s Birthday – Doesn’t Stan get a birthday side side? Maybe Stan’s parents?
Queef – He is haring(?) the Princeton Hash on Sunday. (Note: due to the laziness of the On Sec, this date has passed)
Attila the Hung – It is his graduation the weekend of May 12th and his brother is in town that weekend. Get ready to party hardy – details to follow.
The pack was cold at this point as the wind kicked up in the Parking lot. It felt like the temperature fell about 20 degrees while we were in the circle. We finished up our PBRs and went inside for the remainder of the evening.
Karaoke:
We know that hashers are not a shy bunch, so many of us quickly signed up for Karaoke. The regulars were a bit perturbed that we took over their dive bar. In the front of the bar was a group of Karaoke professionals. You know these folks. They stalk Karaoke and sing like they are on American Idol. During our songs, they had no problem heckling our singers. (especially when Winkie was singing) Next time, we need to spill beer on them or have Winkie do a rap on how much they suck.
The hash singing began:
Holy F*ck sang All Night Long by Lionel Richie. (She actually didn’t sign up for this song, she was volunteered by members of the pack. )
LF Winkie – An characteristic improve of a mystery song. As mentioned, the professional Karaoke singers were angry and threatened to throw Ketchup on him. (and people call Hashers immature)
My C*nt – My nickname for one of the professional Karaoke singers came up next. I think he sang something unimportant and uninspired.
Just Reese and Sloppy Ho – Don’t Stop Believing (of course)
Mayor Quimby – Sweet Caroline
Jingle/Cause – Mercedes Benz
Cunting Season – Midnight Train to Georgia
Skin Fiddle – A song I didn’t write down (sorry dude)
Up Her Ali (and Just Reese) – Apparently, I put in for this song and so did Just Reese and Sloppy Ho (oops) Reese helped me with some dance moves.. (I only saw some of it, but it looked Richard Simmons-esque)
NNFA – A Sheryl Crow song
Many more songs were sung, but I stopped writing them down…
During this whole period – two of our virgins, Just Megan and Just Alice were getting down on the “dance floor”. Getting in on the virgin action was …. not Virgin Pimp? Nappy Headed Ho was chatting up one of the cute as pie virgins…
Also, during the night, the folder with the Stan’s Bitches iron-ons was lost. Fiber Opdick surveyed the entire pack, but the envelope was nowhere to be found. (Jingle Balzzz saved the day since he found the envelope at the end of the night, phew…)
Rear Engineer and Bumble Beaver from the hockey crowd began to arrive. Others also trickled in as the night went on to join in the Karaoke fun. (FOTC, Dry Hump) While the night was in full swing, I decided to head out early to grab a little shut eye. The rest of the night will remain only in our drunken memories.
On, on, YFF
Up Her Ali
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