BFM Hash #168 - Chugging-a-Lug at Callahan’s
Posted on May 11, 2007
The first warm evening in Philly was upon us and my favorite facet of the summer was also back, the humidity. Oh humidity, how I missed you. My hair will now be a Gilda Radner-like red afro until October. Also, Thursday night was the first night of the NHL Eastern conference finals. I listened to the start of the Sabres game on internet radio. For some reason, I do not get Versus with my basic cable even though Rick receives it in the ‘burbs. What gives with Comcast anyway? When is Verizon FiOS coming? Anyway, I was a very unhappy camper leaving my house with the Sabres down 2-0 to Ottawa. (especially with our very own E=MC2 as an Ottawa fan. Yes kids, he is from N. Jersey and not Canada) Luckily, our destination, Callahan’s had the game on and plenty of beers to ease the stress. Right when I arrived, I ran into Attila the Hung who told me that Sabres had scored with a mocking snicker. Allturd Boy asked me a rhetorical question on who was the biggest Sabres fan between the two of us. (I guess this came up since I was too little to remember the 1975 series against that evil team who will remain nameless.) I said Sloppy Ho who was watching the game with Sabres nation. I said to myself at this point, self, “This is going to be a long night.”
At any event, much of the pack was already gathered in the bar drinking and milling about. The bar’s chalk boards advertised Crab Nite and that Crabs were Back! (Crabs, crabs! and no Stan?) Alas, we were right at home at Callahan’s.
Among the pack were: Cause for Blindness, Can You Hear Me Now, Hold the Sausage, Little Red Riding Wood, Fruit of the Clue, Son of A Goat Fucker (off a locked the keys in the car incident from Tuesday), Just Kate, Strap On, Heave Ho, Big Tackle, Rear Engineer, Fiber Opdick, Allturd Boy, Just Alice, Just Megan, Jingle Balzzz, Two Clump Chump, Cunting Season, Little F*cking Winkie, Attila the Hung, Just Diane, Cousin It, Likes the Hard One, Just Sarah, Just Alessandra, Just Sarah, and Just Jen, Winkie’s friend from MN. (a lot of “Justs” in the group today)
Hold the Sausage was passing around the short straws to find the night a hare. I, knowing that the short straw was up for grabs, bolted outside to get talk to Big Tackle and get some fresh air. I soon learned that Heave Ho pulled the short straw but Two Clump Chump volunteered to help hare. Apparently, Two Clump Chump was up for redemption a third time. The hares were off and the pack spent some more time imbibing before trail.
Chalk talk was eventually called and the pack headed outside. We intrigued the smoking regulars and one of them joined us for the chalk talk. Hold the Sausage led the Chalk Talk since Sloppy Ho, our RA, was watching the game with the Sabres nation. (representing all of the WNY hashers) We were introduced to our virgins: Just Sarah who Likes the Hard One made cum and Just Alessandra, who the Internet made cum. HTS reminded us not get killed, get shot, get lost, or just herpes on the trail. With this challenge, the pack was off.
The trail:
The pack went off to scout trail and we headed south from the bar. We were check hung at the Naval Square. Rear Engineer informed us that Naval Square condo complex used to be the Naval Asylum, which closed in the 1960s or 1970s. With that tidbit of knowledge, we headed back south towards the bar. On the way to the bar, Rear Engineer moaned on how he should not have drank the four beers prior to running the hash. In retrospect for Rear Engineer and some of the rest of us, this would have been a good time to go on-in. However, hashers are suckers and we continued on on.
The pack soon realized that the trail was going over the South Street bridge into University City. A few us decided that we should institute a new rule, if you cross the Schuykill River, you must have a beer check. Our complaining asses ran over the bridge and a few hashers were baited into a check right over the bridge. The trail continued westbound and into the heart of Penn. At this point, the trail took on some déjà vu from past U. city trails.
Random rant — Did you know the U. City is a marketing concept and the area is really W. Philly? Well, the bitter locals are right and U. City was a plan. It doesn’t stop the angry locals from putting white bumper stickers anywhere the eye can see to try to stop the gentrification. You can learn more about the W. Philly redevelopment plan here: http://www.uchs.net/Rosenthal/wpc.html
While in the heart of Penn, we were check hung near some tents set up for graduation. We found true trail on Walnut street and were taken through a parking lot off of Walnut street. (very clever) The lot dropped us on 38th street and we then ran over to Market street. It was clear to me at this point that we were doing a campus tour of W. Philly (not that marketing area U. City) At 38th street, Jingle Balzz and I talked about setting up our own impromptu beer check at our theater build site at 40th and Market. We chuckled on how we could drain the beer in the fridge without those silly Savoy people even knowing about it. At last, we realized that we were not responsible enough to actually get keys to the backstage space and we continued on.
The pack went over to Drexel and into Powelton village. We ran down Powelton through a park. Just Kate saw some fraternity brothers walking by us and quipped, “Does anyone know where to find some frat boys.” After that remark, a few us got our second wind. A now tired bunch ran down Market street and found a check on the Market street bridge. The trail went down the Schuykill river trail onto Locust street and then back to the bar.
When we got back to the bar, some congratulated Two Clump Chump on a truly shitty trail, he simply stated, “I have standards, you know?”
Prior to the circle, HTS asked Cunting Season to be the night’s RA since Sloppy Ho and E were not around. After discussion potential songs, a decision was made to make the “Face down, ass up, that the way we like to f*ck…” the song of the year in the year of HTS. Beer was ordered and Cunting Season, our backup, backup, RA called for circle.
The circle:
Virgins –
Just Alessandra was our only virgin who made it back to the circle. The other virgin was lost out on trail. We learned that she made herself cum. (and she had a good time last night… that could explain the e-mail we received today and that it doesn’t have anything to do with Fiber Opdick.)
Hares – Heave Ho and Two Clump Chump
Visitors – Just Jen from MN and Likes the Hard One from Scranton, who is really a transplant, but we were confused.
Just Jen told a joke. It wasn’t acceptable so Mayor Quimby jumped in with an hash friendly offensive joke.
Auhohashers – Skin Fiddle, Elmo, Mayor Quimby, Hold the Sausage. (Elmo tried for all GMs drink rule, but HTS was already in the circle)
First In – Big Tackle (E wasn’t there)
Last In – Cause (of course)
Accusations:
Elmo accused Big Tackle of not out - chugging Cause.
Cunting Season accused Scooby Snatch of having excessively loud sex at Stinko de Mayo. She made Fiber Opdick drink, who had quieter sex over the weekend.
Rear Engineer accused Rear Engineer, Just Alessandra, and Just Diane for racing.
Winkie accused his friend Just Jen of being a fire hydrant since a dog wanted to pee on her. Winkie ended up drinking for a false accusation. Just Jen made a comment to the effect that Winkie was an a$$hole, but that is just the way he is.
Fruit of the Clue accused Likes the Hard One for losing her virgin on trail.
Cunting Season had to drink for calling Fruit of the Clue, Two Clump Chump.
Just Megan for confusing powder puff football for football.
Can You drank for a false accusation about forcing a goat race. (no one got this one)
Then… Scooby Snatch walked in. He drank for being an autohasher and for having loud sex at Stinko.
Rash also appeared and drank for autohashing.
LRRW accused some overachieving ass clowns for running the Broad Street Run on Sunday – Big Tackle, Attila the Hung, Can You Hear Me Now, Strap On, and Cousin It. (FOTC had to drink, not for his clothes, but for wasting beer – veritable alcohol abuse)
Announcements:
Next week, a special event, the 169th. Details coming out later this week.
Save the Date – Hastille Day Darthalon, July 14th, details to follow.
Friday, May 12th – Attila the Hung’s brother is in town and folks are meeting at Sugar Mom’s in Old City at 9pm.
Up Her Ali and Jingle Balzzz – We are getting a group together to see our show on Friday, June 15th at the Academy of Music. Please cum! proceeds from the show go to charity and Big Tackle is setting up some pre and post lubes to make the event more enjoyable. E-mail UHA at fuzzypls@yahoo.com if you are interested.
The rest of the night:
After the circle, the pack went off to truly try to get a piece, but would they be successful? The Callahan’s softball team showed up, so the odds for the ladies were increasing.
During this part of the night, Mayor Quimby engaged in a chugging contest with a fellow bimbo hasher. (Just Alessandra, I think) This small chugging endeavor lead to a full out four on four chugging contest. After about 15 minutes of chaos and Mayor Quimby trying to explain the rules he was making up on the fly, the contest began and ended promptly. A second round of chugging did not follow, much to the joy of our employers who would have to deal with our lost work productivity tomorrow.
Google lists a site for chug-a-lug game, which is also a famous song:
http://www.gameroom.com/gamebits/RULES/096_Chug_A_Lug_Rules.html
http://users.bigpond.net.au/clarks/chugalug.htm (I like how in the background of this link it says Dang Me)
After the chugging contest for no reason, Holy F*ck and friend, Bumble Beaver, and E=MC2 arrived at the bar for some beverages; only to find the pack a little more intoxicated than usual. Even Elmo mentioned that he had to switch to water. Something was truly up.
Scooby Snatch was this night’s Virgin Pimp, since Scooby was talking to the virgin, Just Alessandra. I guess the loud sex didn’t scare her off. Speaking of Virgin Pimp, what has become of him, is he out campaigning for Michael Nutter? At some point, Just Alice has a hash crash in the middle of the bar, but she was up and at ‘em in no time to get jiggy on the dance floor with Just Megan. It was getting late and this process wienie had to get up and lead a workshop in the morning. Whatever you kids did after that, well…
On, on, YFF
Up Her Ali
Filed Under Trash |
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