BFM Hash #174 - Nettles, the Crash, and the Rest of the Solta$$
Posted on June 27, 2007
I ventured to this hash after a Savoy driven hiatus. It seems I had had enough of Music Theater and was going to settle down into more productive pursuits, running and drinking beer of course. I drove down from work and took another “shortcut” through NE Philly. I am convinced if I try hard enough, I can shorten my commute to Philly. (No such luck so far)
The one fun thing about writing the trash is trying to decipher the scribbles that you wrote down days ago in a drunken stupor. It inevitably leads to fine journalism, but I digress…
The early birds, who left the comfort of center city and came to the Manarox metro area for the run: Cause for Blindness, Rear Engineer, Little Red Riding Wood, Soft Core Analyst, Plastic Pud, Son of a Goat Fucker, Stacks, Hold the Sausage, Cunting Season, Europe’en on Me, Holy Fuck, Bumble Beaver, Pooper Trooper, Heave Ho, Cousin It, Big Tackle, Scooby Snatch, Up Her Ali, Two Clump Chump.
The trail:
The verdict was out if Two Clump could redeem himself at this particular run. He had many times during the past year, but rumor has it this was the famed “Two Clump” run.
At some point, the pack gathered for chalk talk on the porch. Since our RA is off traveling in CA, Scooby took the reins. He made the marks in a bottle of carpenters chalk, went through the marks all in one breath, and we were off. (there were no visitors or virgins)
The pack quickly was check hung at the corner of Walnut St. and Henry Ave. After a few minutes, we found trail going straight towards the golf course and the park.
We saw an arrow and the pack was headed to shiggy?? At a BFM hash?? I was confused.
As we entered the woods, those of us with shorts felt the tingle of nettles on their legs. It was like we were on a Dip Shit run or a PH3 run.
http://www.wildmanstevebrill.com/Plants.Folder/Nettle.html
Right after the nettles, there was a hasher down on trail, Stacks. She hit something, took a hash crash, and had a mean cut in her knee. Scooby and Soft Core Analyst carried her out of the woods (back through the nettles) and a group mobilized to drive her to the nearest ER. It was impressive how calm Stacks stayed through the whole incident and how quickly we could mobilize to take care of a fellow hasher.
The first aid team helped Stacks back to Walnut Lane to wait for the car. The rest of us went about 50 feet to the first beer check. Warm Miller Lite was served. (The first aid crew didn’t miss anything) It was so warm that I threatened to burp the alphabet.
After the warm beer check, we went uphill back to Walnut Lane. Was this a circle jerk? We were back in time to witness Stacks and crew leaving for the ER. We all stared out of concern for Stacks, but we were clearly rubbernecking on trail.
At this point, the trail snaked through some neighborhoods off of Henry Ave. We also noticed that a lot of the marks were marked…well…backwards. Was Two Clump up to last year’s chicanery?
We crossed Henry Ave. and went past Ridge Ave. We went through the park we went through at the Halloween hash. You know, the one with the heckling kids. Oh wait, that isn’t that unusual in Philly. Down a few more streets in the Manarox metro area, we ended up back in a park for a shot check. Apparently, the shot was a super, double, secret probation kool aid and alcohol mix. At this point, I came to the conclusion; we need to have more beer checks near playgrounds. Bumble Beaver and I were drawn to the playground right before the shot check.
The pack then headed out of the woods, back on the road, and it was on-in.
The circle:
After the pack cooled off and changed, we all ventured downstairs, still missing our counterparts at the local ER.
We imbibed some beer from the kegerator and waited for the circle to begin. Now missing our GM, our RA, our emergency backup RA, and our ex-RA; Cunting Season stepped in to be the emergency, emergency, backup RA.
Regular o’ Circle Stuff
Hare – Two Clump Chump
First In – Holy Fuck
Last In – drum roll please….Cause….(and she is still single)
Cums Lately – Up Her Ali, Bumble Beaver, Cousin It
Hash Crash – We had a social for Stacks.
Accusations
Plastic Pud accused Up Her Ali of setting him up with All Turd Boy and FOTC at the Savoy Show
Plastic Pud accused Up Her Ali for wearing a racing t-shirt and then the rest of the On-Secs were accused. (I guess I deserved this for accusing him at a PH3 hash a while back)
FOTC made a random accusation and we made him drink. (He isn’t banned yet?)
Two Clump drank for bike on trail
Up Her Ali accused Heave Ho of loving the gore on trail. She was excitedly describing how she saw some white thing in Stacks knee with a long winded, medical name. It was the nurse in her coming out.
Heave Ho drank again for not having a first aid kit on trail.
Son of a Goat Fucker drank for being too quiet. (And since he is so quiet, we just figured this out)
Then… the Auto-hashers came in… Elmo, Jingle Balzzz, Anal ProBoner, and Can You Hear Me Now? This group was imbibing at a local bar since Two Clump had locked the door while we are on trail…
Back to accusations…
Someone accused Two Clump for having marks that went backwards.
Up Her Ali accused LRRW for having a nice dress in circle. We then learned it was her Soltass dress. (-:
Anal Pro Boner was accused of being an Overachieving Ass Clown as she ran a marathon. Rumor has it she threw up at mile 17 and still finished, which was another down down.
Elmo drank for Tech in the Circle
Jingle was accused of skipping out of the Savoy Show for the Prom and being a P I M P. Up Her Ali drank for a false accusation.
We are all nice and lubed up, so we went right into…
Announcements:
PH3 & Cousin It’s Annual Phillies Tailgate Hash – August 11th – Save the Date
Reading July 4th Sunrise Hash – It’s an excuse to drink beer early in the morning.
Gynocracy’s Great Adventure – This Thursday, June 28th – Cherry St Tavern – Bring a friend!!
Full Moon Blue Moon – June 29th – Sugar Mom’s in Old City – See e-mail from Elmo
2nd Annual Dartathalon – July 14th (on Hashtille Day) – Pour House Tavern in East Falls – Details are in an e-mail from Cunting Season
The rest of the night:
After the circle, the pack hung around the basement chatting and imbibing on more glorious light beer. Two Clump made us several plates of yummy munch food including; fries, taquitos, and jalapeno poppers.
Two Clump and Rear Engineer attempted to get some Comcast Karaoke going, but the pack would have none of it. Instead, after cleaning up the plate of goodies, we began to filter outside to the porches. Holy Fuck led a contingent to Chubby’s to get some cheesesteak goodness. HF was on a mission, if you weren’t fast enough, you were left to your own devices.
We milled out on the back porch, chatting and drinking. Many started recalling stories of their worst crashes, falls, and ER stories in honor of Stacks’ hash crash. It seems we all have had our share of tumbles and ER runs the in past. (And we have the scars to prove it.) We all started taking an informal pool on how many stitches Stacks would have as a result of her injury. During the evening, there was also spirited conversation on nettles, a special kind of shiggy. Some of our legs were still tingling from our friends, the nettles.
At some point, the ER contingent returned to Chez Two Clump. We learned that Stacks’ knee wasn’t going to have permanent damage and she had 18 stitches. (For those who were in the pool.) The woman of the evening grabbed a chair and was quickly served a frosty beverage. She was in especially good spirits considering…
It seems that the ER crowd had some stories of their own. One story involved a blood pressure cuff. I don’t know exactly where this went, but I can use my imagination. The other story revolved around a woman who used saltines to masturbate. Hmm… fish anyone?
Overheard at the hash:
I am actually half a woman and it is hard to get it out of me? Most likely a resident of the Walnut Lane Hash Compound
On, on, YFF
Up Her Ali
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