BFM #178 - Shotgun!
Posted on July 26, 2007
The pack met at Kelliann’s on Spring Garden Street in Fairmont. From what I hear, this is the place of a past famed roach incident. The place seemed roach free this night. (But I was cautioned to avoid the food just to be sure) It was again a typical Philly mid-summer evening. You know - 100% humidity and hazy hot.
This didn’t deter the night’s participants: Likes the Hard One, (she was disappointed that she was left out of a past trash, so I wanted to make sure she was prominently featured in this one) Rear Engineer, Hold the Sausage, Just Alice, Just Megan, He’s a Lesbian, Well Hung Jury, Mr. Snuff My Muff, Heave Ho, Mayor Piece of Ass, Mayor Quimby, Big Tackle, Fruit of the Clue, Sloppy Ho, Jingle Balzzz, Son of a Goat Fucker, Just Brian, Beagle, Fiber Opdick, Up Her Ali, Just Diane, Popeye’s Bitch, Little Red Riding Wood, and Just Chad.
The trail:
Hold the Sausage and I volunteered Rear Engineer to be the night’s hare. Since he never had hared BFM before, he agreed to be the hare. (sucker!)
I was lugging beer to the beer check with Hold the Sausage, so I don’t really know much that happened on trail. We met up with Just Diane across from Sloppy Ho’s abode on Green St. where we waited with the beer. Just Diane shared some horse related stories as we ghetto drank our PBRs. (no guys, the horse stories were not that exciting)
Rear Engineer eventually showed up at the beer check. It seemed like forever he was out on trail. This surprised us, since we had high hopes for a short trail. Right after Rear appeared, the pack appeared around the corner of Green St. Big Tackle the FRB ran right by us. We had to summon him in… beer….beer…
Since I had 60 PBRs to get rid of and I wasn’t taking them with me, Sausage and I instituted a two beer minimum at the beer check. I handed out many beers to the circle going to ensure no beer was coming with me. Whatever wasn’t going in people was going to be left somewhere for hoodlums. I thought suddenly of Drinkers tavern and how they have $1 shotguns of PBR. Then, I started convincing hashers to shotgun their PBRs to get to their two beer minimums.
Also, during the beer check, I heard a lot of growling on how bad the PBR was. It was veritable no-PBR club. It was so widespread; I was going to have to shop at Costco for a bulk set of pacifiers. Sheesh, I haven’t had that much bitching about beer since the Gynocracy’s Excellent Adventure. What happened to the hash? We have become a bunch of beer snobs. I remember when we drank our shitty beer and we were just happy.
Having virtually nothing interesting to write in the trash this night, I was concerned. Lo and behold, if you stick near to some BFM’ers, you may get lucky.
Mayor Quimby was chatting up some ladies outside of Kelliann’s, this was my lucky break. Soft Core Analyst and I were apparently “talking” near a tree, but in fact, we were shamelessly eavesdropping.
The conversation with Quimby’s new lady friends Jennifer and Leslie went something like this:
Jen or Leslie – “Oh yeah, that’s cute” (pointing to some body part)
Jen or Leslie – “He really does know how to flirt”
After some talk about the police concert and Mayor Quimby recent adventure to the Def Leppard concert:
Jen or Leslie – “Give me your cell # for your cute self”
Leslie – “I told you Jen, I don’t chase men”
Quimby – My number is 267-270-0659
Just Brian called his cell phone after overhearing the number.
Quimby – “I am not here hitting on chicks”
Jen or Leslie – “Your kids are inside?”
Quimby – “No, my keys…”
Jen or Leslie – “What happened in the last seven minutes?”
Someone – “Seven minutes, that’s all it took?”
Jen – “He doesn’t have kids and he isn’t gay.”
More conversation…
Jen or Leslie – “Do you have a problem with non-US citizens?”
Jen – “Look at his necklace, his necklace is a character from the Simpsons”
The conversation takes a downturn…
Someone – “Meat on a sandwich, a man sandwich?”
Waiting for the beer to be poured, I ran into Two Clump Chump. Apparently, Scooby had a PH3 hash starting at Walnut Lane and it caused another injury. Two Clump Chump sprained or strained his ankle. Beware of the Curse of Walnut Lane!! (Insert scary music here…) It’s almost as scary as some of the shiggy at a Dancing Fool run….
I also was introduced to Carolyn, our bi-sexual waitress. Over the course of the night, I was sure that someone, male or female, had a 100% chance of scoring with this aggressive vixen. I haven’t been hit on that aggressively in a while and I live in the gayborhood…
The circle:
I was helping to bring pitchers of beer to the circle, so Big Tackle helped me take notes. I am all very disappointed that you didn’t notice BT taking notes in this section. Yes, you let a person of the wrong sex help with trash and not make them drink, shame, shame…
Hare – Rear Engineer
Virgin – Just Chad, the internet made him and many of us cum…
First In – He’s a Lesbian
Last In – Likes the Hard One
Longtime no see – Pooper Trooper, Heave Ho, Fiber Opdick
Auto Hashers – Skin Fiddle, Cousin It, Rash
Accusations…
Sloppy drank for some accusation from Mayor Quimby
Scooby accused He’s a Lesbian of confusing the back check – 4 or 14??
Sloppy accused M.r Snuff My Muff of checking back the way the pack came at an early check
Jingle Balzz accused On-Secs for late trash – Up Her Ali drank
Quimby accused the gynocracy of bad lite beer, but it was deemed a false accusation
Up her Ali accused the people at the beer check who did not shotgun
Popeye meant to accuse Up Her Ali of spilling her shotgun at the beer check, but instead accused Well Hung Jury. Then, he had to drink for a false accusation. I didn’t hear the end of that for a while…
Rash was accused of running into a bridge on her bike… ouch…
We were going to name Just Diane, but she left before circle.
Announcements:
.
Bruce-a-palooza – July 28th – Details in an e-mail
Phillies Tailgate – August 11th – You will never guess from who, in case you live under a rock, check your e-mail
Likes the Hard One – August 18th - Gigantic Divorce Party – Again, check your e-mail or call your closest hash friend.
Rash – DC Red Dress Run – Oct 8th
Lick Hymen – Having a party on Saturday – Yes, it’s on e-mail and it’s over.
Again, BFM’s extra-curricular activities make us all feel like we have lives. (Or not…)
Cause is still single!
The rest of the night:
Some of the pack trickled on-out after circle, citing silly reasons like early flights or work. The rest of us delinquents stayed out to par-T.
Carolyn our vixen bartender continued her foray around the room looking for a willing party. I guess no one took on the Carolyn challenge… (I am surprised that we are not that desparate…)
Sloppy Ho and friends took over the jukebox and played some of their favorites. You know what they are… Don’t Stop Believing, Total Eclipse of the Heart, etc. All these gems could be featured on the Songs that Drunk Chics Listen To Soundtrack. We could totally sell this on a late night infomercial and make $$ for the BFM hash.
I was watching the Phillies with Little Red Riding Wood, Skin Fiddle, and Just Chad. We were recounting the recent 13 inning loss and the lackluster performance of Pat Burrell. (Sorry, LRRW)
Mayor Quimby suggested we head to Westy’s for Karaoke. The pack was on drunk time, so I figured it would be at least a ½ hour before we went anywhere.
Big Tackle and I wanted to get a head start and some food, so we went out to find pizza. Apparently, in this neighborhood, everything locks down at 11pm. So, we headed over to Westy’s.
Eventually, the rest of the pack arrived. The bar was packed but BT and I managed to nab a seat. Leslie and Jennifer, Mayor’s friends from Kelliann’s, joined BT and I at the table for some Karoake fun.
We ran into Deep Flute and Winkie in civilian looking gear. They either went here on their own or heard through the grapevine we were there.
I realized that Mayor Quimby could easily have a second career as a Karaoke DJ or a Karaoke coach. He really should think about it.
The BFM gents did what they did best, gawk and/or hit on girls…
I was beat tired after inhaling my food, so I headed on out.
Mayor Quimby would probably know the rest, with his new second career and all…
On, On, YFF
UHA
Filed Under Trash |
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