23 August 2007 – PHILADELPHIA: Ah, the memories. How wonderful it is to once again spend the better part of a Wednesday night procrastinating when I could be writing the trash. Why is the GM writing the trash, you ask? Firstly, calling me Wonder Woman at BFM #180 has gone to my head (that will teach you wankers to be more discriminating with your accusations) and secondly, I was the only member of mismanagement present for the better part of the hash. (It did take me practically the entire trail to realize that no on-secs were present. My preparedness was evident as my notes were written on an old boarding pass and I had to borrow a pen from the bartender). 

 

As I arrived at Krupa’s a relieved looking Cunting Season exclaimed, “Thank God you’re here, it’s a total sausage party again!” The male dominated crowd included Big Tackle, Can You Hear Me Now?, Cousin It, He’s a Lesbian, Jingle Ballz, Just Abby, Just Adam, Just Brian, Just Jeff, Just Kevin, Just Matt, Lick Hymen, visitor Milky Discharge, Rear Engineer, Save a Horse Ride a Tuba (who insisted her name was still Just Diane), Soft Core ANALyst, Son of Goat F*cker, Tight Lips, Two Clump Chump, and Where’s My Vagina. I soon realized that the bar was devoid of straws for the hare selection process, but before I could formulate a plan B, the always (over) eager Two Clump Chump volunteered to hare and scampered off with five pounds of flour. The trail went north on 27^th Street and snaked through Fairmount before heading downhill and across Kelly Dr. to the back of the Art Museum. The mob groaned loudly as the hare treated us to a climb up a steep hill. Blobs of flour led the mob through that creepy, stinky tunnel under the Museum before crossing back over the Parkway near the Franklin Institute. Here the marks began to grow thin. Eventually the marks disappeared altogether. Luckily, the mob was close enough to the bar to declare an On In. 

 

Back at the bar the sweaty mob nominated He’s a Lesbian hash cash for the evening and joined the autohashers with pitchers of sudsy beverage. Rear Engineer professed his desire to try his hand at RA-ing for the evening. Due to the critical lack of mismanagement, his request was promptly granted and the circle began.

 

Two Clump Chump – who was roasted for too much flour, not enough uphill, and was rumored to have been caught on trail

 

Just Abby – brought by the hasher formerly known as Just Diane

Just Adam – made himself cum

Just Jeff and Just Matt – Just Brian made them BOTH cum

 

Milky Discharge – from San Francisco Gypsies H3 – elected to drop his shorts before he even introduced himself to the BFM, prompting Can You Hear Me Now? to declare, “That’s how they greet themselves every week.”

 

Fruit of the Clue, Popeye’s Bitch, Skin Fiddle, and Up Her Ali

Son of Goat Fucker (no surprise) and Jingle Ballz (he was lured by the still absent Lick Hymen to an ill-fated attempt at an impromptu beer check)

 

Two Clump Chump – for throwing flour onto an open grate when he should have been conserving it

Just Matt – for sporting a cowboy hat on trail, with fellow Texas people Just Jeff and Fruit of the Clue

Can You Hear Me Now? – for having performance anxiety and mumbling “Uhhhh….” instead of an actual accusation – he quickly recovered to accuse Two Clump Chump for standing on the beer check

Cousin It – for walking in and immediately spilling beer on the floor

Up Her Ali and Rear Engineer – for f*cking up a song

Just Brian – for staying with his virgin for the entire trail – Can You Hear Me Now? revealed that they were spooning on trail

Up Her Ali – for disappearing trash #180

 

The circle was then closed and reopened several times. Here are the highlights:

 

Milky Discharge – for a racing hat and a 26.2 tattoo

He’s a Lesbian – for putting Two Clump Chump in danger on trail

Save a Horse Ride a Tuba – for not embracing her name

Just Kevin – for pointing in the circle and being the over eager new guy

 

The hasher formerly known as Just Diane and now formerly known as Save a Horse Ride a Tuba  was renamed The Horse Whacker, a warped combination of The Horse Whisperer and the nickname given to the anonymous masturbator at her workplace, The Phantom Whacker

 

He’s a Lesbian – for falsely accusing Hold the Sausage of something

Pelvis Has Left the Building – for being a late autohasher and a cums lately and for dressing like Where’s Waldo

Fruit of the Clue – for pointing and for tech in the circle

Soft Core ANALyst – for pointing

Just Kevin – for a false accusation, for being Kevin, and for “convincing us he’s a man”

Rear Engineer – for believing Just Kevin is a man

 

Due to his exceptional enthusiasm and skill displayed during a rendition of the song, Just Kevin will henceforth be known as The S&M Man. If for any reason you choose to question the merit of this particular naming, I guarantee that plying Kevin with several pints of beer and listening to him sing will quell any doubts. 

 

Two Clump Chump and He’s a Lesbian also detailed the rumored capture of the hare. Apparently HAL attempted to overtake the hare on trail as he began ascending the hill behind the Art Museum. After a failed pant-sing attempt, the spry hare proved too quick. Not to be defeated so easily, the ever-resourceful HAL shouted, “Stop him! He took my money!” in the presence of several men 2CC described as persons of “questionable legality.” The helpful non-natives offered, “We’re packing heat, want us to get him?” 

 

And so the circle closed for the final time. The mob soon decided to move on to The Green Room to continue its debauchery. Whether the rest of the evening was good, bad, disastrous, or otherwise, we will never know. Because the trash ends here.

 

 

 

On On, bitches,

 

Hold the Sausage

 

 

 

 

Labor Day Hash August 30^th

 

 

Where is Lick Hymen? – random hashers

 

The odds are good, but the goods are odd… — Harriettes commenting on the male/female ratio

 

We haven’t had namings, we’ve had lame-ings. – CYHMN? commenting on quality of recent names

 

He’s a bitch! – CYHMN? randomly expressing his love for Fiber Opdick

 

My roommate’s in Memphis. Bitch! – Pelvis, also expressing her love

 

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