Walking to the Black Sheep Pub for the BFM #1somethingorother,  I remember I need to pick up the flour.  $2.99 is a complete rip at the "Morning Deli", but there’s no time to comparison shop at this point.    Tonight could be a little tricky, since I will attempt to play GM, RA, On-Sec, Hash Cash and Hash Flash until relief arrives.

 

At the Sheep, there’s some networking happy hour taking up the main floor, and the hash is congregating in the dungeon.  I grab a bunch of straws from the bar and, using Sausage’s GM authority, delegate Fruit of the Clue the very important task of breaking the short one. The assignment proves to be difficult as he’s still holding his gnarled, unbroken straw after several failed attempts. 

 

The S&M man, who had been watching this whole scene took another straw from the pile and handed it back to me a second later with a clean break.   I didn’t ask him how, but obviously an S&M man would keep a variety of slicing instruments at his disposal.  Hoping I dont have to add hare to my list of tasks, I was excited when Little Red Riding Wood and Soft Core Analyst volunteered.  

 

As the Mob headed upstairs for chalk talk, the once lively happy hour room was now dead silent. Someone from the networking group was giving a speech as the whole room now turned toward the ruckus coming up from the basement.  That’s us by the way… the "ruckus."   I turned around to “Shhhhhh” the hashers coming up the stairs behind me, who didnt know this.  In turn, they began“Shhhhhh” -ing louder back at me.  I couldn’t tell if this amused or annoyed the speaker, who asked, “Are you guys trying to be quiet?”

 

I "gracefully" wove through the sea of bodies to get outside and out of their way.  Later, hash witnesses would inform me that I had plowed so hard into some woman’s boob that it swung back and forth in her blouse from the sheer force.  God, I wish I could have seen that.   On the sidewalk, we saw a “BN” along with a laundry list of marks the hares had left.   As RA, I attempted the standard Sloppy Ho welcome and air-out, then introduced our virgin Just Jason to the secret chalk language in front of us. 

 

Who Hashed:

 

 

-We found every false trail the hares had laid. And there were plenty of ‘em.

-We lost Cause somewhere along trail.

-We had a fun beer check at the always-cheap, always-smoky Locust bar. 

-At the Locust, there was a lesbian couple in a booth playing an intense game of Boggle.   My favorite 5 letter word is TEAMS.  If the letters fall the right way, you can get TEA, ATE, EAT, TEAM, TEAMS, STEAM, MAST, MATE, MEAT, MEATS, TAME, TAMES.  Boggle master.

-Fiber Opdick made me pretend we were conversing so he could stare at some girl’s ass in the coffee shop window behind me.

- Just Brian kept up the whole time, though confused.

 

We got back to the Sheep, where we found a smattering of auto-hashers downstairs, including RA Sloppy Ho relieving me of duty. 

 

 

First In: Cause For Blindness  

Last In: Holy Fuck

Virgin: Just Jason … Tastes Like Chicken made him cum, but she didn’t cum herself.

Hares: LRRW & Soft Core Analyst

Cums Lately?   Nope. SOCIAL!!

Autohashers: Sloppy Ho, Scooby Snatch, Rear Engineer, Horsewhacker, Fire Down Under, Heave Ho, Tickle My Elmo, Stan, Skin Fiddle, Popeye’s Bitch

Sloppy Ho… for missing the hash to educate America’s “youts” and being and Over Achieving Ass Clown on Sunday

Fruit of the Clue … for flapping his arms like a birdie when he scouts out trail

Scammin Ol Ladies … for making some incestuous joke about about brothers.

Heave Ho … for wearing scrubs. Halloween was yesterday!

 

Announcements:

- EWH3 Ski Trip Feb 8-10 … Sign up now.

- December 6 is the Festivus Pub Crawl, bitches.

- December 13 is the BFM 200, which will be more fun than a boatload of hashers on the Schuykill.

- The Lehigh Valley 69^th is coming up. As Cause explained, it’s the 69^th run on the 69^th year. But not continuously. Ok.

-And by the way… Cause is still single.

At some point after the circle closed, cum-lately hasher "Stan" was tossed over the crowd to me by her Uncle Elmo. She looks pretty good after doing God-knows what for the past few months.  But she’s wearing denim clamdiggers. So out of season.  Lesbian quickly claimed her for his trip to Paris next week because those overseas trips can get lonely.

 

Since the Sheep was a bit pricey, the  hash stash ran out early, leaving us with nothing to do.  Things were getting pretty lame and people were complaining about being tired or sick, having to work early tomorrow, or just being bored with the Black Sheep.  Waaaaah!!!  Lack of alcohol makes people so whiney.  My friend Just Brian, had a brilliant idea that proved to be the turning point of  the evening: “Let’s go to drag night at Bob and Barbara’s!”

 

It took convincing of some, but in the end we amassed a respectable crowd (so to speak) of 14 and headed to South Street for what proceeded to be the best on-after ever.   The bargain price of 6 bucks at the door gets you one “Special” (a can of PBR + a shot of Beam) and all the drag you can view.   

 

The crowd was a mix of gays, bi’s, straights, and all ethnicities here for the same cause: To ogle trannies lip-synching to tunes in see-thru evening wear. I’ve posted a few pictures, but unfortunately my camera died before they brought Sloppy Ho on stage to dirty dance with a random female (also pulled from the crowd). They were later seen exchanging digits. Sloppy proudly earned an additional “Special” for her performance. 

 

We also got to see Stan shoving dollar bills between “Miss Liza Liza’s” big fake cans.   Stan subsequently disappeared from Lesbian’s backpack … coincidence? Popeye was picked (after we pointed him out) to go dance with a drag queen on stage. I swear I never saw anyone fight so hard to get away. I thought he and the tranny were going to blows. Luckily, Tickle My Elmo volunteered to go up instead.

 

After downing two more specials, Sloppy and I were starting to sing louder than the music the trannies were lip-synching to (Fergie’s Big Girls Dont Cry was the last thing I remember).  It was time to go.  Lesbian ushered us out of B&B’s to Little Petes diner, and baby-sat while we ate our grilled cheeses and Texas Tommys.  A fuzzy end to a memorable evening!

 

 

“I got finger banged twice in one year” – Fiber Opdick

“Dude, you could drive a MAC truck in my ass and I wouldn’t feel anything” - He’s A Lesbian

“Does your guy put both hands on your shoulders?” – He’s a Lesbian

 

 

Also overheard at the Hash:

“Stop chasing pussy!” Lesbian to Holy Fuck

“Who likes head?” – Hasher …  “I do!!”– The S&M Man

“Look at these guys… They’re hashers” – Knowledgeable person on the street

“You’re probably wondering what I use to hide it all… Lots of duct tape. – Drag queen at B&B’s

 

 

 

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