BFM #202 – The mob pops the cherry on 2008

Posted on January 7, 2008

My plummer was supposed to install my new hot water heater tonight.  I was a bit disappointed that I might have to miss the hash but, then again, I’d actually get to take a hot shower for the first time in a month, and it was cold as the artic circle outside (I swear I saw a polar bear walking down 4th street on my way home from the bus).  However, my plummer cancelled, so I put on my five layers of gear and headed out into the 3-degree wind chill outside.
 
I walked into Cherry Street Tavern, apparently, looking like the little brother, Randy, from A Christmas Story because when Just Mike and Fiber Opdick greeted me in the back room, Fiber proceeded to mock me by standing with his arms out while quoting the film.  Point taken.  I was overdressed.
 
Who came:
3 Balls, CYHMN?, Dry Hump, Europee’n on Me, E = My Cock 2^, Fiber Opdick, Hold The Sausage, Holy Fuck, Horse Whacker, Jingle Ballzzz, Little Red Riding Wood, Nappy-Headed Ho, Mr. Snuffleupamuff, Rear Engineer, Scooby Snatch, Sloppy Ho, Strap On, The Albanian, Virgin Pimp, Well Hung Jury, Just Chad, Just Dev, Just Don, Just Mike
 
Trail was pre-laid by Sloppy Ho and Holy Fuck and it was laid as if they took out a tourist map and followed along - very scenic.  We r*n past the Franklin Institute, through Logan Circle and the empty fountain, for which several hashers commented, “Wouldn’t it suck if the water came on?”  We headed through Love Park and by the beautiful Christmas tree, past the Philadelphia Municipal offices where a giant Monopoly iron, red and yellow Sorry! game pieces and various dominos were scattered around the building.  We headed up Broad Street, down Callowhill to 15th and into Fairmount.
 
Trail this night seemed more like a group r*n rather than a hash since I heard little or no “On, On!” being yelled and since I was following the hares I was always on-hare and didn’t need to stop at any of the checks.
 
Our beer check was a familiar place, an alcohol oasis – Scooby Snatch, Rear Engineer and Just Don’s apartment.  We knew this place well.  Many of us spent quite a few nights getting our drink on, and for some, getting off, within these walls.  Our most recent, yet fuzzy, memory was New Year’s Eve.  We walked into the apartment and immediately began sharing stories and eating and drinking party leftovers.
 
Holy Fuck spotted an un-opened bag of Peanut M&M’s and happily indulged. Since they were unopened, she was guaranteed that Scooby Snatch hadn’t licked any and then put them back into the bag, which he is famously known for. She then said, as she grabbed another handful of the green and red crack bits, from of the bag, something to the effect of, “Ever since I joined Philly, I crave M&M’s and potato chips when I r*n.”  No kidding, sister!  Where else in the world, other than a camping trip, do you stop in the woods, by a swamp, along the road, in a storm pipe, or amongst nettles, and eat M&M’s?
 
Like answering a call from a siren when that yellow bag opened, Scooby Snatch walked through the door and seemed a bit surprised to see the mob hanging out.  I said to him, “We had so much fun on New Year’s Eve that we decided to come back for the sequel.”  The next thing I know CYHMN? is laying on the floor and E is laughing hysterically.  E pulled the chair out from under him as CYHMN? was sitting down.
 
A few feet away is Nappy-headed Ho holding a clementine and he announces to the group, “do you guys know the proper way to peel a clementine?” Curious, we all grew quiet and watched. He peeled the little orange fruit and placed the peel on the table and said, “just like that.” Then he smoothed out the peel. It looked like a penis and balls. The mob groaned. Scooby didn’t help matters since he pulled a carton of milk out of the refrigerator and “finished it off”. First the chair incident and now this. I stated that I felt like I was at a frat party to which CYHMN? replied, “I feel like I’m at circle jerk” as he pointed to the peel on the table. I took a few photos of Nappy’s work of “art” and CYHMN? pierced the orange member with a “Prince Edward”.
 
Holy Fuck started handing out the left over party favors, which included leis from the Gynocracy’s Excellent Adventure (see BFM #175) and handed Strap On a yellow lei for which Strappy asked, “Hey, do I get a yellow one because I’m Asian?”  We shared a group laugh and headed on out.
 
Our harriett’s took us over to the Art Museum where Sloppy Ho felt up the Rocky statue and we stood in Rocky’s shoes at the top of the museum steps. I use the word “we” but we consisted of myself, Holy Fuck, Horse Whacker, Sloppy Ho, Just Dev and Nappy-Headed Ho. The rest of mob short-cutted and didn’t even make the climb. Lazy bastards.
 
Back at Cherry Street Sloppy eventually circled us up since most people were excited to nosh on $1 off sandwiches while watching the Kansas game.  Where is Kansas Dan when you need him?  She asked us what we thought of the “Best trail of 2008”?  “Shitty!”
 
Trail:    Not enough blond hares
            Not enough 3-dgree wind chill
 
Hare(s):
Visitor(s):         Laa-Laa (Carolina TRASH)
 
First In:            Laa-Laa (who apparently short-cutted so he could come back
                        and catch the ESPN highlights at the bar)
 
Last In:            Nappy-headed Ho
 
Virgins:
Auto-hashers:
Cums Lately:
Accusations:
Announcements:
 
On-on, bitches!
Europee’n on Me
 
 
Overheard at the hash:
“I ate lots of wieners at the party”
“My farty puckin rules!”

“While I did promise that I wouldn’t tell anyone, you promised that you wouldn’t piss in my washing machine and, I never expected that you’d actually piss in my washing machine.”

 

 

 

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