BFM #205 – At 40, has the mob outgrown Callahan’s?

Posted on January 28, 2008

I walked into an already bustling Callahan’s and made my way over to Sloppy Ho and Cunting Season. Sloppy and I went through what haberdashery we have (buy a tee shirt, people!) and then I began to make my rounds, taking note of the growing mob who was slowly taking over the bar. I made my way over to the door to introduce myself to an unfamiliar face. He introduced himself as Just Rich, however, I had fully expected him to say Just Fozzy because he was wearing a brown fuzzy jacket. Later, while I was chatting with Anal Proboner, Just Rich walked by. I pointed him out to Anal and she proceeded to her version of a Fozzy Bear impression, “Waka! Waka! Waka!” I wasn’t the only person who thought he was dressed like a Muppet.
 
Who came:
Just Liz, CYHMNow?, Fruit of ze Clue, Mother May I?, Lick Hymen, Just Dev, 2 Clump Chump, Just Mike, S&M Man, Son of a Goat Fucker, Rear Engineer, Midnight Tranny to Georgia, Atilla the Hung, Just Rich, Cherry Poppins, Holy Fuck, Lake Flaccid, Softcore Analyst, Just Julie, Hold The Sausage, Cunting Season, Mr. Snuffleupamuff, Death Wish, Yeast of Burdon, Scammin’ Ol’ Ladies, Fire Down Under, Just Brian, Just Archana, Bumble Beaver, Jingle Ballzzz, Just Joel, Horse Whacker, Sloppy Ho, Anal Proboner, Just Christina, He’s a Lesbian, Stacks, Up Her Ali, Just Vic, Just Mike, Virgin Pimp
 
Before we headed out to circle up, I was called over by the bartender. He thanked us for coming to Callahan’s but gave me warning: “See those food warmers in the corner? We’re putting food in them in a few minutes and your group is not to eat any of it. It’s for the dart throwers only.” I promised him I’d let the mob know but as soon as I walked away I forget his warning.
 
The mob headed out. We r*n up South ST and over the South Street bridge. Ahead of me, I heard someone yell, “Back check!” Then, someone r*n past us and said, “it’s a back check 11!”  11? As I turned around, Anal Proboner was behind me with a cute mischievous smile on her face, shrugging her shoulders. As I passed her I said, “Oh, you’re good!” Back we went across the South ST. By the time we counted 11 marks, we were back at Callahan’s. So it was either a really short trail or we were staring over.
 
The mob headed up South ST, and I kept Anal Pro in my sights while doing a little check hanging since I didn’t hear anyone call “on-on!” The mob r*n up to 24th ST and I heard “False!”” Anal Pro who was now in the middle of the pack, took a left onto 25th and everyone who was behind her, simply followed along, like lemmings over a cliff. Cunting Season, not seeing a check at the corner of 25TH, stopped. We turned around and headed back to South ST, towards the bar. The few of us that there were, checked around for trail and then we noticed, two blocks down, headed into the Markward Playground was the mob.  We headed off to play catch up and as we r*n, noticed that we were on. 

We r*n through Markward, down 25th and into the Schuylkill River Park, up the stairs and down Walnut ST, across a parking lot and onto 22nd ST. People started questioning if there was going to be a beer check at Holy Fuck’s. Nope. We headed up 22nd and found our first beer check at Cherry Street Tavern.

After warming up and finishing off a few pitchers, we headed out.  I noticed our virgin, Just Rich carrying a brown bag.  He informed me he didn’t have dinner and had stopped to get himself a sandwich, on trail.  We continued up 22nd, crossed over the Vine Street Expressway, towards the Parkway. We took a right down the Parkway and headed into Logan Circle, through the fountain and then over on 19th ST. As the mob waited to cross over JFK, some started laughing because they said our virgin, Just Rich, aka Fozzy Bear, thought that perhaps we’d be having another beer check at Monk’s Café (this guy is just begging to be named!). But Monk’s Café?  Wow, he doesn’t know the BFM!  With that, Sloppy quipped, “If we had a beer check at Monk’s we’d have to charge $20 hash cash.” I sighed…wouldn’t that be nice! In the mix, someone mentioned “Flannery’s” and so we crossed over Market and followed the rest of the mob, down Ludlow, to TJ Flannery’s. 

Back at Callahan’s the mob outnumbered the normal bar patrons by 4:1, easily. People seemed to be revved up and circle felt more like a hurricane, with Sloppy and Sausage standing in the eye. Sloppy feeling the energy, kicked off circle with, “I’m so excited to be here!” She then raised her beer and announced, “I think the mob has finally outgrown Callahan’s!”
 
Hare(s):
Trail:
·         Not enough back checks
·         Not enough falses
·         Not enough turtle crap (apparently there are 3 turtle bronze statues in Markward Park and Rear Engineer drew turtle crap behind them with flour)
 
Visitor(s):
First In:           casinos mirar sus oponentes hábitos. Mr. Snuffleupamuff
 
Last In:            Softcore Analyst
 
Virgins:
Auto-hashers:
Cums Lately:
Accusations:
With that, Sloppy and Sausage called Horse Whacker into the circle. It wasn’t her birthday so I guess they were planning a renaming. Names thrown out: Takes It Up The Ass Like Stan, Stunt Dick Double, The Stain Lifter, Spin Cycle, Slippery When Drunk, A Horse With No Name, Poops, I Did It Again, Piss Cycle, Party Pooper. In the end, the laming resulted in the mob choosing: Piss Cycle.
 
Announcements:
 
On-on, bitches!

Europee’n on Me

 

 

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