We traversed back into the land of S. Philly. We actually got the real address of the Triangle Tavern courtesy of Son of a Gost F*cker’s wife, it is 1038 Reed St. Every website in town has it wrong. I think it is a clever marketing ploy to keep the cool center city kids out. I mean, who wants to deal with yuppie scum or annoying urban hipsters anyway? Except, we found you Triangle bitches! You tried to hide from is by incorrectly listing your address but you underestimated the hash’s seventh sense for dive bars and cheap beer. (M .Night trademarked the Sixth Sense) Now you are stuck with us. (Insert maniacal laughter here)

 

The attendees as I could tell: Rear Engineer, Up Her Ali, Two Clump Chump, Hold the Sausage, Europe’en on Me, Deep Flute, Fiber Opdick, Can You Hear My Now, Heave Ho, Fire Down Under, Scamming Old Ladies, Soft Core Anal-ist, Yack in the Box, Horse Whacker, Sloppy Ho, Over Easy, My Snuffupmymuufa-biatch, Rash, S&M Man, Little Red Riding Wood, Strap On, E=MC2, Just Mike, Just Dev, Jingle Balzzz, Scooby Snatch

 

The short straws were passed out. Rear Engineer pulled the first straw and it was the short straw. Over Easy went out to hare with him.

 

Just Mike,Yack in the Box, the bartender, and I began talking about people who drink Robitussin to get drunk. You know what I mean; the trying to be cool, but really weird kid from college? Or high schoolers with nothing better to do than watch MTV? Did you know that Robitussin diluted with water is called a Motussin? (We are so getting this for the next circle) The bartender overheard us and brought out a bottle of Jacquin Rock and Rye. It smells as bad as Robitussin and it probably is as bad as Robitussin. We could start a new fad, where are some kids for me to corrupt? Deep Flute and Meat Tenderized kids are not born yet. Oh right, I am going to see my nieces and nephew later. I think my sister, Scabby, would be so thrilled if I got my 8 and 11 year old nieces or my 16 year old nephew addicted to Jacquin Rock and Rye. (Actually, the 16 year old has probably already snuck some of this to get all wasted. Plus, I would have to get my 11 year old niece to stop constantly text messaging her friends.)

 

Some other great topics to fill space in the hash trash: (I know you don’t want to work)

 

Alycia Lane – Beating up Booker isn’t enough for you. You have to go after a NYC Cop?

 

Philly Turkey – Seriously, have you checked out this site yet? www.phillyturkey.com

 

Wing Bowl – It is a true Philadelphia tradition and a great reason to drink really early in the morning.

 

My car – It is being fixed at the Auto Show across from the Triangle Tavern. It was good sign that my car wasn’t out front. (Or maybe it was stolen. Nah, I couldn’t get that lucky.)

 

Groundhog Day – It’s on a Saturday this year. Field trip!! Phil is totally seeing his shadow.

 

Mayor Nutter – We now will get frisked on the runs as part of the stop and frisk policy. (I know another one, there is Scooby’s frisking.)

 

You don’t really read this section. I guess I can try something for you trail enthusiasts.

 

We ran North, we got lost, we ran East, we got lost. We saw garbage and drug deals. We had a beer check at Over Easy’s house. I had a strong feeling it was going to be there, but I ran trail like a jerk. We walked the two blocks back to the bar since we are lazy.

 

There was a time when a few of us fine hash bimbos were standing on the corner with the S&M Man. Horse Whacker quibbled that we were the higher end prostitutes for the sporty crowd. S&M Man was our pimp. (without the Virgin Pimp in the house)

 

Sloppy Ho spotted a bumper sticker. “What are you having?”… with a PBR can.

 

Rash did tell a story of an eventful shot check near 8^th and Federal Streets. I guess they had a beer check behind the Oriental Grocery Store. During the shot check, about 6 cop cars a SWAT team showed up. How nice of them to stop by. I am sure Can You Hear Me Now will write something about this in the comments. Can You writing a comment to the trash is like the sun coming up in the East.

 

Sloppy Ho kicked off the circle. It was proclaimed the Miracle in South Philly. (Move over NY and 34^th street, you attention hogs)

 

Virgins – Just Mike was volunteered to be a born again almost virgin

 

No Visitors Either – Great! It gives us more opportunity to be incestuous. Inbreeding is awesome, just look at Kentucky (or Central PA - Pennsyltucky)

 

Hares – Rear Engineer and Over Easy. Not enough garbage, Asians by trucks, subways, crack. (there was a real live drug deal, good times for us suburban kids)

 

First In - E

Last In – Mr Snuff, 2 Clump

 

Comes Lately – Over Easy, S&M Man, Up Her Ali

 

While I drank, I gave my notebook to E. I should give notebooks away to random people more often. He had the following thoughts:

Can You – Kind of Chubby, Needs a Diet

Scooby Snatch – Still looking creepy

Europe’en – Keeps breaking her camera

 

Auto hashers – Just Dev, Scooby Snatch, Jingle Balzzz

 

 

Yack in the Box – Pulling out early, he is moving to California (what with non-existent global warming, it is as warm as there)

 

S&M Man accused Rear Engineer of drawing an on-in picture with small balls, just like his. Then when all hares… Over Easy

 

Mr Snuff accused Sloppy of not knowing the right word to when your girlfriend tastes like sh*t flip her over…. (E said, “That is good advise” in reference to the song.)

 

Rash accused Just Mike of wearing a race shirt. Since you folks were giving Sloppy crap again. She volunteered Fiber Opdick to lead the next song. Someone yelled out, “Freebird!” He actually gave the lamest song in the universe. “this is a hashing song and it is not that long”

 

As a result, Scooby accused FO of picking a lame song since he should know a lot of  them from being a member of the Carolina Trash.

 

Mr Snuff accused Scooby of singing soprano, and I think when one small ball drinks, they all drink.

 

The crowd went silent. Then there were dumb stares.

 

Sloppy asked E if he had any frustrations. I am not sure what possessed her to do this. I mean, this is like opening up Pandora’s Box. She might as well have asked E how he felt about Lance Armstrong or to taunt E about ninjas. That could kill a whole day. He did come up with lamest accusation ever. He accused Little Red Riding Wood of not helping him on trail. (She is noted to get lost on trail in S. Philly. I think so goes home and does some shots so she can deal with us after. Or maybe she was the mysterious drug dealer.)

 

Two Clump accused S&M Man, Scamming Old Ladies, and Fire Down Under of wearing layers. Hello…global warming! (I could barely decipher E’s chicken scratch)

 

Get out your social calendars: (we know you don’t have any other friends)

 

January 19^th – Jingle Balzzz is haring the Philly Hash. He promises lots of beer and goodies. Note: He actually didn’t announce it. Strap On had it announce it since he forgot his announcement.

 

January 25^th – Philly Full Moon – Dancing hared by Little Red Riding Wood and Bumble Beaver

 

February 7^th – BFM’s Do Shots, Don’t Get Shot at Kellian’s. At least 8 shot checks! Also, BFM Elections are that night. I will give you an “I Voted Today” sticker or a kick in the ass.

 

February 8-10^th – Ski Trip! Really, sign up now!

 

February 14^th – BFM AGM!!!! Be there, meet your new elected officers (tormentors), there will be beer and food. After that, go complain to someone else.

 

February 15^th – Philly Full Moon – It’s an S&M Valentines Day hared by S&M Man and Up Her Ali – Be there, it will be awesome!

 

March 15^th – Green Dress Run/Weekend – Save the Date!!

 

August 2008 – Phillies Tailgate

 

Sign up to hare the Philly Hash or E will kick your ass!!

 

After this, the mob mingled and drank. We chipped in for greasy pizza. We went to Pope’s.

 

At some point, Little Red Riding Wood was taking the prize as the Horny Hands of the BFM. She was giving Mr. Snuff a back massage. Look out boys, there is a new masseuse in town.

 

“You wouldn’t happen to have my large vagina (shirt)”. Rear Engineer to Europe’en on Me

On, on, YFF

 

Filed Under Trash |

Leave a Comment

If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.