There is really nothing like cold rain. Especially when your umbrella has mysteriously disappeared and you plan to run outside for 30-60 minutes.

 

I walked over to the Lyon’s Den in the lovely Queen’s Village neighborhood. I was surprised to learn that the Wawa on 2^nd and Christian was closed. The shop was now called the 24 x 7 Deli. How amazingly clever of those crazy kids…This struck me as a true tragedy. Where to get some quick cash for hash cash, a pre-lube meatball sandwich, and some watered down coffee? I was worried about the status of the neighborhood. Would it now be ghetto pimpin’ up in P H L? If so, watch out Europ’een and Jingle Balzzz!

Upon walking in I met some of the early crowd of BFM hashers. These are the folks who show up before 8pm. There is a normal distribution of when people cum to the hash and these folks are on the left of the curve. Strap On and E on are the far tail of the right curve. Lousy word press won’t let me show you my pretty diagram. If you really want to see it, I can email you my word document. It’s a masterpiece.

Attendees: Two Clump, Sloppy Ho, Just Archana, Jingle Balzzz, Midnight Tranny to Georgia, Cunting Season, Europe’en on Me, The Rash, Just John, Just Mike, Likes the Hard One, Major Piece of Ass, Can’t You Hear Me Now, Little Red Riding Wood, Hold the Sausage, Fire Down Under and the many more who attended later on on.

 

Hold the Sausage started to hand out the straws. Either Just Mike or Just John pulled the short straw and they decided to hare together. I confused them for an/the ambiguously gay couple, but I think I was wrong for once. Sausage handed them the bag of flour and they were “off”.

 

During this time there were a couple of interesting conversations:

 

-         The movie “Teeth” is a must see for all men. Check out the following movie listings:
http://www.ritztheaters.com/synopses/films.php?movie_id=1287

-         We discussed the color of the new sign at the 24 x 7 mart. Two Clump pondered the opposite of red. Many responded with, “Is there an opposite of a primary color?” A lead paint joke ensued and the answer was deemed to be 42.

-         Can You Hear Me Now didn’t know that the super bowl was held on a Sunday. He failed to deduce the last word of the event, Super Bowl Sunday.

-         A seemingly homeless/”out of it” lady walked into a bar and tried to have a beer but left. (this will be important later)

 

Sloppy Ho hailed us to go outside and start the insanity. We started the circle and learned that we had a virgin, Just John. However, Just John was out setting trail with Just Mike.

 

The pack went on out. As we went out, we ran into Strap On and E. (this will be important in the next paragraph) We, the pack, went around the corner and there was a check. We searched for a while and check hung and then went another block and there was a check. We found trail and there was a check on the next block. Hmm… we were sensing a pattern…

 

The trail led us North towards South Street. At our last check at Bainbridge, Passyunk and 5^th, we finally found marks on South Street. When the pack arrived, the hares had already been caught by ….E…

 

We waited a minute or so and started chasing after E. We went up 6^th street to 7^th and across Washington Square Park. A bunch of us got lost at this point. I went to tie my shoe and I told Soft Core Anal-ist to write something funny in the trash. He wrote, “something funny”. While I was lost, I ran into Sloppy Ho and Cunting Season, we guessed that we were going to the Locust Bar for a beer check. And we were!!

 

The good old Locust Bar in its hippie, dingy, smoky goodness… Inside, we had some beerage and conversed with each other. Some topics of discussion were: names of people we know, penis curvage – the good, bad, and ugly, and Patsy Cline songs.

 

After finishing our bevies, we went outside to continue the trail. The overachieving pack followed the trail; the rest of us lazy people went on-in.

 

Just Archana, Soft Core and I eventually arrived back at the bar. We saw the pack returning and decided to step it up. The pack, especially Rear Engineer, stepped it up to make it to the front door first but lost. (Overachievers….)

 

After arriving back, I ran into Two Clump and learned that he had become the third hare of the evening. I guess E got caught giving someone directions near Washington Square Park. Two Clump also relayed that he found a bag of cocaine on the floor and handed it to the bartendress. He really didn’t stop talking about it for a while. If you were around him, he talked about the coke. Addicted to Coke, eh?

 

In the back of the place, I went to get my bag to pay for hash cash. Sloppy was coming out from under a table and I thought of a “Sloppy in the Box”. (Like a Jack in the Box)

 

I also noticed a ping pong ball and thought… beer pong. Well, actually, our bartendress gave me the idea, Game ON!

 

 

After hash beer was slowly procured since the Lyon’s Den only has a few pitchers, Sloppy started the circle. This circle was dedicated to Rudi Guiliani, Tom Brady, Eli Manning, and the Packers??

Hares – Just John and Just Mike, E=MC2, Two Clump – There were not enough checks, hares, and cocaine on trail

 

Visitor – Radar from Nittany Valley – He showed his nipple and it was hot like a supermodel

 

First In – Major Piece of Ass

Last In – Little Red Riding Wood, Strap On (when one GM drinks…)

 

Auto hashers – Holy Fuck, Well Hung Jury, (when one on-sec, and when on GM drinks…)

 

 

Rear Engineer was accused of racing to not be last in.

 

Two Clump was accused of being obsessed with coke.

 

E was accused of being caught by Two Clump while giving directions

 

Cunting Season was accused of having her necklace backwards so the bartender couldn’t read it.

 

 

February 15^th – Full Moon – S&M Man Valentines Hash – Pour House – East Falls – Be there!!

 

February 7^th – BFM - Do Shots Don’t Get Shot – Kelliann’s in Fairmont – 8 Shot Checks, Elections, and Drunkeness – Take the day off from work on Friday or call in sick!

 

February 9^th – Philly Hash – Brag a Deer General and Dry Hump – Hashing in the Pine Barrens – Major Piece of Ass will be there – will you?

 

February 14^th – BFM – AGM!!! Food, Trail, Beer, and the moment you have all been waiting for…. The new mis-management! Be there!!

 

March 15^th – Philly Area Green Dress Run! Save the Date! More details to follow soon.

 

Last weekend – Bar Golf – If you weren’t there, you missed it.

Super Bowl party – If you weren’t there, you missed it too!

 

NAMING!

Let’s face it, when the namings come along, we roll our eyes. We haven’t had a good n(l)aming in a while.

 

Just Mike got on his knees and Sloppy Ho asked for some good stories…

 

Just John told us that Just Mike had gotten his penis broken, not once, but twice! Stunt Dick Double was yelled and it was unanimous. Just Mike was Stunt Dick Double.

 

Stunt Dick Double finally told us his story on how he broke his penis twice. It was with an ex-girlfriend. (of course, bitches) The first time, it happened he was drunk. He didn’t know what happened but all he knew is he woke up in pain and with blood stains… The second time, he blacked out, when he woke up, he was like, “…not again…”

Note: Please see Stunt Dick for the rest of the gory details….

 

Can You Hear Me Now was now the man of the evening. He is in charge of our crazy election process. You will see many, many emails on this topic. Please see the flood of emails in your in-box.

 

The following positions are up for grabs: GM, RA, On-Sec, Hash Flash, Haberdasher

 

You have until midnight tonight to nominate anyone to mismanagement. Tomorrow and for the next week we vote. Next Thursday, he announces the new mismanagement. Note: for more details, see Can You.

 

In this crazy election season, be sure to vote! You won’t feel any better, it won’t serve any major life purpose, but you will have done your part to put the “mis” in mis-management.

 

As you vote in the next week, be sure to thank a member of the current gynocracy. I am truly biased, but I think they did a truly shitty job this year. To more shitty trails with shitty friends and shitty beer in the future!

 

Some election quotes to get you motivated:

 

Homer Simpson: “Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.”

 

From the movie Election: Tammy Metzler: [her campaign speech] Who cares about this stupid election? We all know it doesn’t matter who gets elected president of Carver. Do you really think it’s going to change anything around here; make one single person smarter or happier or nicer? The only person it does matter to is the one who gets elected. The same pathetic charade happens every year, and everyone makes the same pathetic promises just so they can put it on their transcripts to get into college. So vote for me, because I don’t even want to go to college, and I don’t care, and as president I won’t do anything. The only promise I will make is that if elected I will immediately dismantle the student government, so that none of us will ever have to sit through one of these stupid assemblies again!
[Student body erupts in huge cheers]

 

Art Spander, quotes about Election:  

The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.

 

 

Al Capone, quotes about Election:  

Remember to vote early — and often.

 

Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.  ~Robert Byrne

 

On, on, YFF

 

 

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