BFM 218: What’s that fishy smell?
Posted on April 29, 2008
The mob gathered at Lelands in Fishtown. To compensate for dragging us all the way into the wilds, the “locals” Cunting Season and Rash volunteered to pre-lay trail. A smaller pack assembled right around 8pm, just in time for Little Red Riding Wood to organize circle and set us off in search of trail.
Rumor had it that several hashers ditched the hash to r*ce in center city. Pussies.
Who Came:
Just Jessica, Son of a Goat Fucker, Subcuntinent, Flounder, Radr, Target, Cause, Sloppy Ho, Mayor Quimby, She-Man, Deep Flute, Short Distance Rimmer, Anal Pro Bonor, Rear Engineer, Little Red Riding Wood, Up Her Ali, Cunting Season, Mama Cunt, Rash, Skin Fiddle, PissCycle, Hold the Sausage, Stunt Dick Double, Strappy, and E.
To add to the fun, Thursday was garbage day, and half of the marks were later covered with/near garbage bags. When asked why she hated us so, Rash replied, “yeah that sucked for you didn’t it?” Note to self, if ever invited over to Rash’s house, remember to “accidentally” drop a couple of drinks on her cat.
As we started down trail, a friendly wager was placed regarding whether we would find more drugs or pros on trail. By my eye, the drugs were out first, and in much higher quantity. Apparently a lot of the pro’s were “laying down on the job”. Try the ham, I’ll be here all night folks. Tip your waitress. Seriously, it only gets worse from here on out, if I were you, I’d stop reading now.
Because of a freak donkey punching injury, Cunting Season is not doing much running these days, and decided to lay her part of the trail on her bike instead. As a result, we had what felt like a 15 mile trail. Around mile 12, the pack got completely lost at the 8-way intersection near CS’s house. We are used to laziness out of her, and simply could not accept that there was no beer to be had. Many lamentations were expressed. These led to talk of turning back towards the bar, but with the fishtown is a Bermuda trianglesque street arrangement in fishtown, we decided that we were more likely to end up in north philly than get to the right bar.
After calling in a lifeline, the pack was back on trail, and headed towards the beer check right under the I95 underpass which shut down the whole freeway for 3 days last month, and made my commute so much more fun than it already is. Deep Flute came down to the beer check, and was immediately molested by just about all of the harriettes. FYI, if you are spending quality time with one of them, I wouldn’t be surprised if one or two of them accidentally missed a pill or 6. Its time to start double-bagging.
A crowd of auto-hashers were plowing through a fine case of @ss-sweat miller light. Anonymous Cowards report that Sloppy Ho was caught being like a total hypocrite, and couldn’t even finish her can. The 3 bitches in attendance Glander, Maddy, and Brutus were flirting shamelessly with anyone who would give them attention. It’s like they had no class … at … all. As the pack set off, Glander practically dragged Subcuntinent home.
We got back to the bar just in time to see the flyers blow their lead and send the game into overtime. Now I’m not a philly native, so there are a few things I just don’t understand about this city. One of them is how we revel in snatching defeat from the jaws of victory; Its almost an art form. Back home all we care about is that our stars are schtupping half of the known world. To each his own I guess.
In other news
Circle:
Hare: Cunting Season, Rash, and Da Mayor
Virgins: Jessica
First In – Skin Fiddle
Last In – Jingle Balllzzz
Auto Hashers – Pisscycle, Skin Fiddle, E (looking particularly dapper), She-Man, and Hold the Sausage
Comes Latelys – Mayor Quimby, She-Man
Side-Side – E/Hold the Sausage
Accusations
Sloppy gave us waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much information about Flounder’s sex life in the form of an accusation. She was quickly accused of a false accusation, and scarring the souls of the assembled hashers and brought into circle and made to drink
Stunt Dick Double was accused of trying to run over a 4 year old child whose only offence was cowering in front of him on trail
Pisscycle was accused of racing the previous Sunday.
As circle finished, we learned that the flyers had successfully f*cked it up. Again.
Announcements:
Haberdashery – Talk to the Rash.
May 1st - BFM # 219 – Northern Liberties Bar Crawl! 730PM at Standard Tap
Philly Hash - a bunch of slackers this week
May 3 - Philly Roller Girls - Philly Roller Derby Doors at 5, bout at 6. Bumble Beaver AKA Tara Newone will be there and promises that she will beat Carolina down and send them limping home down the old dirt road. More info at http://www.phillyrollergirls.com/
May 3 – Delaware Park - Skinfiddle, Rash and others are going to Delaware park to bet on the horsies. For more info, call Fiddle.
May 4 – Goat Racing – The SlyFox Bock and Goat Race starts at noon. Cheer
the goats racing for their namesake beer, marvel at men and boys in lederhosen, dance with the beerwenches to the lively sounds of the german oompa band, stuff your faces with bratwursts and kraut (you ran 10 miles, you can afford it), and of course get wasted on some of the strongest beer you’ve ever tasted… (since the beer is soooo strong, we want to get a van not worry about transport, just having fun)
RSVP to Up her Ali fuzzypls at yahoo.com $34 bucks CASH (if we have 14 people) will be due when you step on the bus and there’s a 48 hour cancellation policy for no-shows.. If you don’t show up and we can’t get someone to fill your spot, you will owe $34
Departure: Boarding the van at McFaddens at the Ballpark at 11:00am. We leave PROMPTLY at 11:15. If you plan to go home and get pretty after the Broad
Street, make sure you are back in plenty of time or you will be driving yourself and you will owe $34. We recommend you just bring a change of clothes in your car, check your bag at the start, or have someone bring you a change of clothes after the r*ce.
Return: We will leave the Bock and Goat fest (in an altered state) at 4:15 for arrival back at McFaddens at 5pm. More info at www.slyfoxbeer.com/events/bock/
June 12 – PROM!!!!! – start cruising craigslist for your date
August – Phillies Tailgate – Cousin It. Be there!
After hash wound down, a few hashers headed over to westy’s to sing us some karaoke. It was a whole lot more country than usual, (the regulars/ringers looked at us with their usual pained look of disdain) and we closed down the place at 2am.
Quotes of the Night
It takes me at LEAST a half hour to tape down my dick – Just Jessica
I LOVE the kitty – Just Jessica
Upper Decking, it’s not so much a skill as a lifestyle – Just Jessica
Jingle Ballzzz
Filed Under Trash |
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