BFM 221: West Philly
Posted on May 22, 2008
The mob gathered at Cavanaughs in West Philly. I got there early, and inhaled a big bean burrito a few minutes before starting the run.. The whole run, my burps tasted like salsa, and I feel pretty sorry for whoever was running behind me. But enough about me; How was the hash?
Who Came:
Just Jessica, Just Matt, Just Patricia, Virgin Pimp, Son of a Goat Fucker, First Down, Subcuntinent, Flounder, Radr, Target, Cause, Sloppy Ho, Short Distance Rimmer, Anal Pro Bonor, Rear Engineer, , PissCycle, Hold the Sausage, Stunt Dick Double, First Down, Goat Fucker, Virgin Pimp, Just Patricia, Just Jon, Popeye’s Biatch, 2 clump chump, Cherry Poppins, S&M man, Scooby, Just Taniel, Just Dave, Just Joe, Strappy, and E.
Our all-singing all-dancing RA, GM and hash-cash Rear Engineer distributed straws, and our virgin Just Dave drew the short one. Hold the Sausage quickly volunteered to help and set up a beer check. We should’ve known we could count on her to find the boys and the booze.
Eventually the circle assembled outside and chalk talk commenced.
Trail went over around and through penn, which was surrounded by graduating seniors in matching t-shirts making clumsy passes at each other and getting hammered in west philly. I almost got confused and followed the wrong pack. Luckily I was set straight by a large pile of wire hangers laid on trail, It made the campus look like some two dollar a week furnished room in Oklahoma, and I realized what my true direction in life was
Trail eventually wound into a parking garage. Unfortunately Five-O was waiting for us, and wouldn’t let us through. She had a look on her face that said, “don’t fuck with me fellas, this ain’t my first time at the rodeo” We decided that short cutting around might be a decent idea.
Trail meandered around the hospital, and across the south street bridge over to He’s a Lesbian’s bar. Right before the bridge, we ran into Target who had been forewarned of the beer check location, and was walking there. Just Jessica and Pisscycle took the opportunity to walk him in and do dirty things with him in the dark.
While we were drinking, another police car pulled up, and our faithful bartender went off to the cruiser to give O’Malley his pay-off. One of the sharp eyed drunks behind the bar took this opportunity to top off everybody’s glass. Sloppy Ho was upset that because philly is too cheap for surveillance cameras, he didn’t get busted and banned like she did when she pulled the same stunt in DC.
Outside of the bar, a creepy old man out front started a conversation with me. Apparently ishkabibl had something to say about the number three (3). It was very important that I get that straight. Sometimes I wonder if I have a sign on my forehead that asks creepy people to talk with me. I don’t know why I can’t get the respect that I deserve.
Circle:
Hare: Just Dave, Hold the Sausage
Virgins: Just Dave
First In – Just Jon
Last In – E?
Auto Hashers – Anal Probonor, Rear Engineer,
Comes Latelys – Cherry Poppins, Just Joe
Accusations
E accused Just Jon of reminding him way too much of his nemesis Lance Armstrong.
Short Distance Rimmer was accused of some bizarre shoe numbering/changing ritual.
E was accused of knocking some chick up. Twice. Seriously, people, don’t drink and park, accidents cause people. Get yourself some protection over here.
Announcements:
Haberdashery – Talk to the Rash. 10 commandments t-shirts are coming. Reserve one before may 23, or get ready to start crying into your beer now because you will not get one at prom.
Limited Time Offer!: The S&M man currently has blue pubic hair. Ask him for a special viewing
May 22st - BFM # 222 – Green Street 730 – special double-secret circle location
May 27 - Philly Hash - hared by Baby Huey
June 7 - Philly Roller Girls - Philly Roller Derby Championship! Doors at 5, bout at 6. Bumble Beaver AKA Tara Newone will be there and promises to end the year with a bang. http://www.phillyrollergirls.com/
June 12 – PROM!!!!! – If begging for a date hasn’t worked, try stalking instead. How will she know you really care unless you spend the whole night watching her sleep through her window?
August – Phillies Tailgate – Cousin It. Be there!
Quote of the Night
Is that the thing you suck on and stuff comes out?– Short Distance Rimmer
Jingle Ballzzz
Filed Under Trash |
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