BFM 223: Sugar Mom’s
Posted on June 4, 2008
The mob gathered at Sugar Mom’s in ye Olde City. I got there early, and it was just way too nice a day to go inside. Most of the pack seemed in agreement; we unofficially pre-circled up outside. Usually I don’t feel like dancing, but we were about 1 happy cigarette away from swaying arm in arm and singing kumbaya together. Sloppy Ass Kisser biked into circle with her little lavender huffy little girls bike (is it just me, or does anybody else think she totally beat down some eight year old innocently riding down the street for that thing? ) . Fruit of the Clue was close behind on his bike which had no fewer than 7 mechanical devices attached to handlebars. I’m still not sure why you need a 3 phase 440V cattle prod in downtown philly, but I guess some texas habits just die hard. Anyways…
Who Came:
Cause for Blindness, Flounder, Cousin It, Deep Flute, First Down, Fruit of the Clue, Hold the Sausage, Jingle Ballzzz, Just Duffy, Lick Hyman, Little Red Riding Wood, Mr Muff, Nappy headed Ho, Nice Nuggets, Phat Ass, Pink N Puffy Rides the Huffy, Piss Cycle, Popeye’s Bitch, Rear Engineer, Scooby Snatch, Skin Fiddle Sloppy Ass Kisser, Sloppy Ho, Son of a Goat Fucker, Subcuntinent, The Rash, Tight Lips, Two Clump Chump, Virgin Pimp, Just सन्दीप्, Just Jessica, Just Dave, Just Megan, Just Justin, Cocktail Frank (Ithaca), and Just Greg.
Our esteemed RA Rear Engineer distributed straws, and our yet again a virgin Just सन्दीप् drew the short one. Our virgin is a visitor from SF, and lives in the tenderloin. This is one of the few places in the US where you can find a underage transgender thai hooker (fyi if you happen to find yourself there, try to find laura, she’s my man), crystal meth, and a government protest at 10am any day of the week. Not quite knowing what he was getting into, 2 Clump Chump volunteered to help.
Eventually the circle assembled outside and chalk talk commenced.
Trail wandered around north of olde city, but south of northern liberties through tunnels and under underpasses. Sand castle manufacture has apparently gone professional, we saw a filthy gorgeous 10 foot tall phillies sand castle in Franklin Square.
Crossing over race street there were some grooves in the asphalt formed from decades of snowplows and ambivalent maintenance. They felt like they were about chest high, and I may have slightly bumped into one of them, and made an impromptu decision to do a judo roll down the middle of the street. Maybe I was trying to impress Piss Cycle and Just Megan, with my mad ninja skills, but it didn’t work out quite as well as planned.
We got to locust bar for our beer check. It was about 500 degrees inside, so I waited outside talking with Cousin It. Apparently he is looking for head. Then again, who isn’t? A trail was set back to bar, but most of the hash just ran/walked back whatever way was easiest. On our way in, Popeye’s Bitch was headed out. He had “Stuff to do”. I’ll leave speculation about what “stuff” is as an exercise to the reader. After arriving at Sugar Mom’s brick patio, Scooby serenaded us with a slow, some would say touching version of the S&M man. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house
Circle:
Hare: Just Sundeep, 2 Clump
Virgins: Just Sundeep and 2 Clump on the one hare drinks rule, and your humble scribe on the one on-sec drinks rule
Visitor: Cocktail Frank he told us a joke about the pussywillow plant. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the last few visitors jokes
First In – Subcuntinent
Last In – Cause
Comes-Latelies – Nice Nuggets Phat Ass, Just Justin
Auto Hashers – Skin Fiddle, Fruit of Ze Clue, Pink and Puffy, and Lick Hyman
Accusations
RE was accused of being a racist and proudly displaying his half marathon jacket. And when one RA drinks, LRRW had to drink as well. They sang one of my favorites “I stick my cock/clit out” wonder twins style.
Sloppy was accused of food in circle. And when one ho/sloppy drinks, Sloppy Ass Kisser and Nappy Headed Ho drank as well
Short Distance Rimmer was accused of … something
Sloppy Ass Kisser was accused of confusing 2 Clump and Goat Fucker and under the one yada yada Sloppy Ho and Nappy Headed Ho
Snuffleupamuff was accused of screaming like a little girl
Jingle Ballzzz was unjustly accused of hash crash. And under the one on-sec, 2 Clump, Hold the Sausage, and Scooby drank as well
Hold the Sausage was accused of being an overachieving ass-clown and closing on her house right before coming to hash.
Skinfiddle was accused of being even more than a dick than usual and purposely turning on the jukebox during circle
Announcements:
Haberdashery – Talk to the Rash. 10 commandments t-shirts have been ordered, and will be delivered at prom. Due to the high volume of orders, and our commitment to shoddy workmanship, they are only 1$/commandment. If you asked her for a shirt, try to actually show up and pay her this time.
June 3rd - Philly Hash - hared by Lil Bro Pete and Bunyip in Palmyra
June 5th - BFM # 224 – at Barristers -
June 7th - Philly Roller Girls - Philly Roller Derby Championship! Doors at 5, bout at 6. Bumble Beaver AKA Tara Newone will be there and promises to end the year with a bang. http://www.phillyrollergirls.com/
June 12th – PROM!!!!! – If you really can’t get a date, I’m sure you can take your momma out.
June 27th – BJH3 #3 - hares off at 7:30. Start location will be in Eatontown, NJ at the Home Depot on Rt 36. Hared by Tight Lips, Beer Boy: Dead man Walking
August – Phillies Tailgate – Cousin It. Be there!
Jingle Ballzzz
Filed Under Trash |
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