BFM #224 ANAL PRO BARRISTERS
Posted on June 10, 2008
39,673
When reading the passage about where this week’s hash was I noticed Up Her Ali’s passage about being thrown out of Barrister’s bar before, and actually having the balls to go back to the scene of the crime. I thought it would almost be like Barak Obama celebrating his primary victory in a Los Angeles hotel and walking out through the kitchen. Didn’t make much sense and it would really tempt the gods, all 12 of them.
Showing up I encountered a typically insanely grinning SubCuntinent who speculated that no one else would show, only to see a grinning Up Her Ali walk on in with a bag of flour. More and more hashers showed up including Sly Fox, who I hadn’t seen in a while, and who was also sporting a rock the size of a flippin marble. A few of us stood outside and had a quick beer or two, watching a parking authority Nazi patrolling up Samson, looking for Cousin It’s car, and introducing ourselves to visiting hasher Too Much Head, as well as the virgins, Just Blythe and Just Jenn. By the way, how many Just Jenns have we had? Maybe we should start numbering them. The new one coul be number six. I lost count on how many we have.
WHO SHOWED UP:
SubCuntinent, Up Her Ali, Short Distance Rimmer, Big Tackle, He’s A Lesbian, Rash, Raidr, S&M Man, Too Much Head (Chicago H3), Soft Core Analyst, Fruit of the Clue, Just Jessica, Just Dave, Sly Fox, Son of a Goat Fucker, Just Blythe, Just Dianna, Mr. Snuffleupamuff, Sloppy Ho, Anal Pro Boner, Rear Engineer, Working Girl, Just Jenn, Virgin Pimp, Tight Lips, Cousin It, Mother Bates, Hold The Sausage, Can You Hear Me Now, Popeye’s Bitch, Tickle My Elmo, Scooby Snatch, Skin Fiddle, Pisscycle.
Noticeably absent was E=MC2, who was out at a fellatio contest up in Canada, and helping to edit the trash. Rumor has it, he lost only to a former BFMer who moved up there. CYHMN was pissed because E beat his personal best of, 3,253. Sloppy was uncharacterically quiet and in a foul mood, perhaps owing to her hero losing the primary, so she was going to take it out on a 70+ year old man.
The straws were drawn and somehow got screwed up, go figure. Somehow, Anal Pro Boner became the hare and Ali went with her, making everyone wonder if it was fixed. A groan went up from the hashers who have run Anal’s trails before, and we noticed they kept insisting that we NOT leave before 15 minutes were up. So we stood outside and watched them run off, mentally noting where we could actually follow the trail. Finally, On-On was called and away we went.
THE TRAIL
I do confess I get a perverse thrill running through Rittenhouse, past couples dining outside and yuppies walking hand in hand sipping lattes and screaming “ON-ON!” as we ran by them. Tonight was no different, he he.
Away we went, West down Samson Street , to the first check at Samson and Van Pelt, and followed the trail down South to find an “F” awaiting me. Wow, I thought, Anal was learning! Usually her trails end in a dob of flower and people cursing as they check hanged. So back we ran to the “X” and followed it up North on Van Pelt, past a bunch of morons screaming “Run, Forest, Run!”
No, genius, we never heard that before.
East we turned into an alley, with another rocket scientist screaming, “Oh I know what they’re doing, it’s Critical Mass!” Wrong again, professor. Then the trail went North on 21st, West into another Alley and then North on 22nd, leading us thinking, “Oh yeah, nice a beer near at Cherry St, and then the trail veered West into an Alley underneath the railroad trestles, and into a parking lot with actual SHIGGY!!!!
The puddle was deep and I said slosh slosh as we splashed through. Nice! Then across and up the railroad tracks, paralleling the all purpose trail, full of runners, staring at us, wondering who the retards were running alongside railroad tracks that may or may not be still active.
The whole time I was following Short Distance Rimmer, who had shed his shirt and was running topless in the heat. Now I was sweating like a meatloaf and would have done the same but I had learned my lesson from a few years ago when I used to live on Brown St. I had taken off my shirt and while talking to a neighbor, a police wagon pulled up and the cop screamed at me on the PA, “HEY, IT’S ILLEGAL TO WEAR A SWEATER IN AUGUST, ASSHOLE!” I have lots of fond memories of my old neighborhood.
Then, East the trail went into the grass, and heading back towards 22nd St, to a check. South we ran down 22nd Street, to hear the blessed sound of “Beer Near!” We kept heading South and the dick tease at Cherry St Tavern turned out to be real, woohoo!
BEER CHECK
It was great and regretfully short. A few of us swilled both beer and water, after all it was flipping hot. While there, the Hares took off and someone yelled, “TWO MINUTES!” until someone else pointed out that the hares requested a ten minute headstart. I looked and someone STILL had a straw in her hair. Finally we shuffled outside and headed East on Cherry, South into a parking lot and East again on Arch before, you guessed it, we lost trail. Damn, you, Anal!
A few of us stood around looking forlorn, some discussing that S&M Man has been seen in Hashspace pics from all over the world, and that Lick Hymen seems to get a LOT of phone numbers, when we realized there was no hope of finding trail and that most of our fun meters had been pegged. “Fuck it!” Sloppy shouted, “On Bar!” and away we went back to Barristers.
We got there and there was a major discussion about the Ronco Food Dehydrator, and I found out that Rash has a copy of the Donner Party Cookbook. While this major discussion was going on, our hares finally came in, looking like we had molested their cats, “Hey, you missed a Beer Check, you Morons!” Anal yelled. Actually we didn’t miss it per se, we just didn’t bother trying to find it.
CIRCLE
HARES: Anal Pro Boner, Up Her Ali
VIRGINS:
Just Jenny – Lick Hymen made her come (Well, I guess that kills THAT theory!)
Just Bylthe – Sub Cuntinent made her come
VISITOR: Too Much Head from the Chicago Hash House Harriers, entertained us with the following joke:
Q Where does a girl with one leg eat?
A: Ihop.
FIRST IN / LAST IN: Big Tackle / The Hares
CUMS LATELYS: Can You Hear Me Now, Sly Fox, Working Girl, He’s A Lesbian
AUTO HASHERS: Tickle My Elmo, Hold the Sausage, Just Jessica, Can You Hear Me Now, Skin Fiddle, Popeye’s Bitch, Pisscycle, Son of a Goat Fucker, Scooby Snatch
VIOLATIONS
Cousin It – For spitting right at someone (and missing I think)
S&M Man : for wearing an an actual Indiana Jones Fedora
Fruit of the Clue, : For knowing where the second beer check would be and NOT telling anyone, Bastard.
Soft Core Analyst: For uttering this statement, “My favorite show from “Sex and The City was….”
Mr Snuffleupamuff: For saving himself for Sloppy
Fruit of the Clue : For trying to violate someone elese on a lame charge that isn’t even worthy of being mentioned.
SubCuntinent: For overdressing in the circle
Mother Bates: Carrying Tight Lips across the puddle.
Fruit of the Clue (again) for riding a bike on the, going “Ding Ding”
Rear Engineer: For frakking up the song.
Son of a Goat Fucker: for saying, “Philly better hide your daughters!”
The Hares: for General Principles. and we only had two cups of beer left. Do the math
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
Prom Hash: Bonners, wear your best outfits,
DC Red Dress Run: Register online at Active.com.
Cousin It. Philly Tail Gate on July 26th.
With that, the suggestion started to head to Bonners for karaoke where I got to see something that will give me nightmares for a long time: S&M Man singing “Love Shack” with a female backup of Just Jessica, Anal Pro Boner, Hold The Sausage and Too Much Head.
OVERHEARD AT THE HASH:
“All the women in the world wanna score with Virgin Pimp!”- Up Her Ali
“Can You take me home with you?”, “Hmm isn’t that what every guy would want to be asked? (unknown hasher)
“Obviously there’s a few women in this hash you haven’t met yet” Rash
“The bitch bed in the back of the van; its where you tenderly bone someone.” Rash
On-On, YFF
He’s A Lesbian
Filed Under Trash |
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Let’s find today’s typos…
It’s flour, not flower.
It’s groan, not grown.
late’s = lattes
elese = else
Bylthe = Blythe
swllled = swilled
Furcker=Fucker
It’s the DONNER party cookbook, not the Dinner Party cookbook. God. That makes no sense.
Rash = THE Rash
just noticed coul = could. jesus what spell check did you use?
Maybe if you guys would do what I do, and read the trash drunk, it would look better.
LOL. you’ll never turn that in without a spell check again will you?
Oh fine, I’ll play.
Samson = Sansom
dob = daub
Forest = Forrest
Pisscycle = Piss Cycle