BFM # 232 – Dancing our shirts off
Posted on August 7, 2008
As I drove down Lombard Street I spied a spot at 8th that was labeled “Loading Thirty Minute Parking till 8pm”. Well it’s 7:25 and I get 30min which brings me to 7:55, and it’s South Street home of no parking spots, so I pull in and prey for the best. Just as I am closing up the car a parking attendant walks by, so I ask her if I am legal. She looks at her watch and says, I’m not coming back so you’re good (I’m not sure if I should trust her). Just Blythe uses this opportunity to ask her every question she has ever had about parking and tickets, the attendant was just happy someone wasn’t cursing at her for once, and it made the four block walk to the Woolly Mammoth go faster.
Who Came:
All Turd Boy, Anal ProBoner, Big Tackle, Can You Hear Me Now?, Chocolate Starfish, Cherry Poppins, Clevage to Beaver, E=MC2, Fiber Opdick, Fisted Sister, Fruit of the Clue, He’s a Lesbian, Hold the Sausage, Holy Fuck, Junkyard, Just Adriana, Just Blythe, Just Dev, Just Drew, Just Greg, Just Katie, Just Manny, Just Maureen, Just Megan, Just Stewert (Sgt Major), Just Stephanie, Little Red Riding Wood, Mayor Quimby, Mr. Snuffleupamuff, Nappy Headed Ho, Pink n’ Puffy, Rear Engineer, Scooby Snatch, Short Distance Rimmer, Skin Fiddle, Strap On, Subcuntinent, The Rash, The S&M Man, Two Clump Chump, Up Her Ali, Virgin Pimp, Working Girl
The Trail:
Straws were drawn and as un-luck would have it Just Blythe drew the short one, Up Her Ali asked Fruit of the Clue to escort her, he was not happy. I offered to co-hare, but was told that I was not allowed, something about being to fast. Now for the record, I am always willing to run slow when there is a pretty girl involved. Anyway the two of them set off, and we gave them an extended head start seeing as how Just Blythe is not a “r#nner”. After a chalk talk consisting of numerous virgins and visitors being introduced, we set of in pursuit. The trail went south starting off with marks intermittently placed. Then the marks were frequent, and then they sort of disappeared again, kind of like the attendance curve of a BFM virgin (anyone remember Mrs. Robinson). After making our way farther south we started hearing music, one hasher yelled out “It’s the Mummers” while another yelled “On Hares”. Apparently the hares decided to make a Mummers Check to stop and listen to the South Philly String Band, but they forgot to mark it as a check, so they were caught. The new hares set off while the hash stayed and listened to the music. Some hashers bought “wooder ice” while others went and danced on stage. After a few minutes someone yelled on on (probably a crowed member trying to get rid of us), and we were off again. This time we headed west, and west and more west. It was obvious at this point where we are headed, the center of south Philly, like a magnet we were sucked in. Sober I can’t tell you the cross streets, but some how, like a marble down a drain, you can always find your way to Pat’s and Gino’s, for a hasher; however, It means a Beer check at Ray’s Happy Birthday Bar. Now the bar tender (who was named Free Beer Tomorrow a few years ago) is a nice guy and loves to see us, he just has difficulty showing it. The beer and cups flowed slower then cause with a bad ankle but eventually everyone was served. Free Beer requested we sing a song before we leave so we did. At this point the GM announced we had two choices, on in back to the bar, or assign a new hare. Mayor Quimby volunteered Stan to lay trail and off they went. We followed a few minutes later and big surprise the trail went straight north (both bars are on Passyunk ave).
Circle
Hares: Fruit of the Clue and Just Blythe (and a bunch more who didn’t drink for some reason, I blame the RA)
Virgins: J Manny by Sour Snatch My Rubber Back (The Rash’s twin), Just Katie and Drew by Cherry Poppins, Just Megan by Just Maureen
First in/ Last in: Stan/ Drew and under when one virgin drinks (it was $2 bottles night)
Visitors: Damit and Damit from Motown Ann Arbor, Dr. Doo Doo from Atlanta Area, Chocolate Starfish from Boston, and Sour Snatch My Rubber Back
Cums Lately: All Turd Boy, Anal ProBonner, Pink and Puffy (although I feel like I see him every day with all of the e-mails), Just Mike, and Virgin Pimp
Auto Hashers: Skin Fiddle, He’s a Lesbian, Scoobie Snatch, and Fisted Sister
Accusations
Pink and Puffy for too many e-mails (I think we limited him to one per day, that includes face book)
Just Adriana, and the Sgt. Major for making out during the entire hash
Mayor Quimby for volunteering to hare on in, but instead running straight back to the bar
Working Girl for eating an Italian on trail (water ice that is)
Just Drew for looking like Virgin Pimp
Junk Yard for wearing short-shorts
Rear for changing his shirt three times during circle, and when one Ra, Dr. Doo Doo/ Ridding Wood, and when one shirtless hasher Short Distance Rimmer
Just Blythe tried accusing Muff of something but it was overturned due to pointing in the circle and under when one hare drinks Fruit of the Clue
Subcuntinent for making a little girl cry (I can see that)
At the end of circle the RA announced that we had two potential lamings, but not enough time, so instead he was going to give away tee-shirts for the best sex story. First we heard about S&M and an unnamed woman and spoiled sheets. Cleavage yelled out half way through the story that he was telling it wrong. Then Sour Snatch tried to tell a story about being double teamed by her Boss and his roommate? At this time the Karaoke gods told us time was up, and the RA walked away without closing circle.
The pack drank and then ventured across the street to Fat Tuesday’s where they were carding very hard (they wouldn’t let Big Tackle in without ID). Some enjoyed various Hurricane drinks and food while others just drank over priced Budweiser. The night sort off drifted off in a blur after that. Oh and by the way the Karaoke that we had to stop for there were three people there, the fact that the girl didn’t have a list of songs didn’t help much.
Announcements
Phillies Tailgate: Tickets are sold out but there might be more, I don’t know what that means, ask Cousin It
BFM #233: Mummers Hash (with surprise guests)
Bruce-a-palooza: There is a web site www.bruce-a-palooza.com (it’s not too late to sign up)
Strap On’s “Ninja Dildo, 69 reversed and then doubled hash” Sign up and get a shirt
PA inter-Hash in Morgantown I’m not going so I don’t know any details (aren’t I a great scribe)
Over Heard at the Hash
Holy Fuck “Why is Ray always so nasty?”
2Clump “You would be too if every day someone asked if it was your birthday”
On, on,
Two Clump Chump
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prey = pray
to fast = too fast
to run slow = to run slowly
set of in pursuit = set off in pursuit
crowed = crowd
Gino’s = Geno’s
Free Beer Tomorrow = Free Beer Today
sort off = sort of
I hope your clients know this is what you are billing them for.
According to the MLA guide (Modern Language Association) There are several adverbs that have a long and short form, Slow being one of them. In informal writing it is considered acceptable to use either form of this adverb.
Just goes to show we can’t all be right all of the time.
Re: Free Beer Tomorrow = Free Beer Today
Free Beer Tomorrow is the co-owner of McGillan’s whose name I can’t recall at the moment, probably because we haven’t been there in a couple of years - since they institued Texas Hold-em Thursdays in the upstairs room. But I still have a balance on my McGillan’s gift card.