BFM # 244, Phillies World Series Hash
Posted on October 27, 2008
BFM # 244 PHILLIES WORLD SERIES HASH
“It seemed like a good idea at the time.” - Homer Simpson
I suppose, looking back at Game 2 of the World Series, a lot of Phillies fans were wondering just what the hell happened. Game 1 was awesome, the Phils beat the Rays in their own home, and it looked like it may be the Phils in 4 after all. Then the Rays stomped the Phillies like a piccolo player at a frat party. Four-ZIP, what the deuce? All over Philadelphia people wondered just what we did to jinx it. This year there was no Phillies jersey or hat on Billy Penn’s statue, there shouldn’t have been anything to jinx it, right?
Enter the Ben Franklin Mob.
Our illustrious GM and Phillies fan decided that we should have a Phillies World Series hash, and we all readily agreed, I mean it sounded cool. And besides they love us at Cherry Street, so what the hell, lets go for it.
I was happy to be back, I had been gone for two months down in NC with no one but the Carolina Trash to keep me sane, and they sure made me look sane in comparison! Anytime you mention the Trash, as they call themselves, near Rash, she immediately curls up in a fetal position and starts mumbling about a traumatic event at the 06 Red Dress Run at Rear End Loader’s house. Oh and for those who were there this year, did anyone notice that it doesn’t look like he improved his place at all? I saw the pics, I know.
Now to be fair, the Trash usually has a high turnover, what with all the military guys going through Ft Bragg. The guys who Rash shudders about have long since departed, and our own Fiber Opdick came from there so they can’t be that bad, can they? OK, bad example. My report on them is that they really don’t run their trails that much, probably due to the shiggy there being horrendous. For example, go to my Hashspace page. Their circle requires you to drop trow and plant your naked ass on a bag of ice. And they kept making me sit on it as a visitor because I refused to stop saying I was from the mob. They made me an offer to switch allegiances, but, like John McCain, I refused to do so. Now, for some strange reason, if I hear ice cubes, I start to get a chubby.
Oh and there’s LOTS of skin there. When they do Tit checks, they actually DO them. Unfortunately they also do dick checks too. I had been trying to convince a fellow student at my school that we weren’t gay and what to we see on trail but a bunch of guys shaking their moneymakers. Great.
So I was actually looking forward to coming back to the BFM, even though I knew I would have to write the damn trash, and that I would be violated for Cums Lately and for bragging about being a raceist.
I arrived early to find Cause For Flounder waiting already and drinking the Champagne of Beers. What’s the matter guys, was Shafer too expensive for yas? The hot bartender asked if I was with the running club, and I knew I was in the right place.
WHO JINXED THE PHILLIES:
Cause For Blindness, Flounder, Raidr, Rear Engineer, He’s A Lesbian, Just Katy, Holy Fuck, Just Miko, Scammin’ Old Ladies, Virgin Pimp, Hold The Sausage, Short Distance Rimmer, Mediocre & Stupid, Fruit Of The Clue, Just Anita, Up Her Ali, Just Whitney, Where’s My Vagina, 2 Clump Chump, Bunyip, Europeen On Me, Fire Down Under, Soft Core Analyst, Dr Squealgood, Working Girl, Post Anal Drip, Little Red Riding Wood, Just K-T, Insectuous, Lick Hyman, Skin Fiddle, Popeye’s Bitch, Can You Hear Me Now, Heave Ho, Cleavage To Beaver, Pisscycle, Midnight Tranny To Georgia, Just Jill, Cherry Poppins, E=My Cock Squared, Strap On, and Scooby Snatch.
Straws were handed out, and Scammin Old Ladies got the honor of hare. Since he had a Life Alert around his neck we all had visions of him falling and not being able t get up, or It up, so Soft Core Analyst joined him and off they went.
THE TRAIL
In the history of BFM trails, this might just have been the shortest. We ran South on 22nd, hung a right on Market, almost found a false at the X rated joint there, and South again on 23rd straight to Bonners where we had a beer stop. Pitchers were handed out and we all swilled a few in the EMPTY bar (No karaoke that night) before we ran down Samson, North on 22nd, East on Market, North on 21st and West On In to the bar.
CIRCLE
Little Red stood up on the table and held an abbreviated circle that can best be described as almost as fast as I am in the sack. Almost. I shall try to replicate it here: (NOTE, you editing-happy cock-vacumes, the following is INTENTIONAL)
HARES: ScamminOldLadiesandSoftCoreAnalyst
VIRGINS: JustMiko,HolyFuckmadehercome
TRANSPLANT: InsectuousformerlyoftheLVH3whotoldajoke. “What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal after eating a clown? “Does this taste funny to you?”OK,sitdown!WelcomeYFF.
AUTOHASHERS: “Youknowwhoyouarewedonthavethefuckingtime.drinkup! (Actually it was E=MC2, Lick Hymen, Skin Fiddle, Fire Down Under, Strap On, Up Her Ali, Cherry Poppins, Raidr, Cause For Flounder, and scores of others.)
VIOLATIONS: NoTime!
MOST DEDICATED PHILLIES FAN: Little Red Riding Wood.
And with that, the circle closed, and the Phillies lost. What was it that caused it? The abbreviated trail? The speed circle? The Virgin from California? The stupid joke? Me actually showing up? Like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop, the world may never know.
Overheard at the Hash:
“Help!, I’m haring and I can’t get laid!” 2 Clump, commenting on Scammin’s neckwear.
“Jesus, that virgin that Holy Fuck brought has a rock bigger than my dick.” Unk Male Hasher
“That always gets me ever time” 2 Clump responding to above.
“It’s really nice to get asked out 3 months in advance. So when he gets out of prison, we’re going to dinner.” Unk female hasher
“How did you meet?” Mediocre & Stupid
“He was on work release in prison” unk female hasher (soon to be on the cover of the Daily News)
“What’s going on here? Face Pubes!!!” Cleavage to Beaver grabbing He’s A Lesbian’s goatee.
“Where’s S&M Man? Too much masturbating?” Short Distance Rimmer
“Dude, you’ve got to go to HotChicksWithDouchebags.com!” Scammin Old Ladies
“How’d you find THAT website?” Insectuous
“You just have to look for it.” Scammin
“WOOHOO!!! Why again are we cheering?” Pisscycle
On On, YFF
He’s A Lesbian
Filed Under Trash |
Leave a Comment
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
cock-vacumes=cock-vacuums
this was good trash, including the above.corrected funny imagery, as there are multiple definitions of ‘vacuum,’ including:
-an electrical appliance for cleaning by suction (heh)
and
-a space not filled or occupied (heh heh)
:thereby suggesting multiple acts involving a ‘cock,’ the imagery of which not only, as noted, attests to the talent of the author, but also to his erotic aspirations.
further note: the hyphen (cock-vacuum) is quickly reaching archaic status, as the . [dot], which is ubiquitous on the web, is migrating from the web as the joiner.of.choice for words not normally combined, eg, cock.vacuums, cageless.zoo, and atomic.vagina