BFM#247 WELL, THEY TRIED……
Once again, the Ben Franklin Mob found itself back in Manayunk, this time back in 105 Social. I think this place could be the ideal hash bar. From the 20 cent wings to the bacon cheese fries smothered in ranch dressing that cuts ten years off your life, to the FOUR DOLLAR PICTHERS OF GUINNESS!! This bar has been the scene of some infamous moments in our little group’s history. Who can forget seeing the look on Up Her Ali’s face as we turned one of her commands into an impromptu naming? Sorry, Craigalicious, wherever you are.
I figured it would be a bad turnout this night. First of all you have the center city crowd which has to have all the planets properly aligned for them to venture so far from the tall buildings, and add in the absolutely shitty weather that evening, I wasn’t expecting much of a turnout. Hell, I wasn’t going to run that night, so why should I expect anyone else?
The bar was empty, save for Little Red Riding Wood, nursing a Guinness, and a few Just people who were all apparently invited by Two Clump. It seems they actually like him. I guess, unlike us, they respect running prowess, especially from a man who wears his shorts extra small, if you know what I mean. Two Clump showed up and gave me his “Two Clump Attendance Cheat Sheet” to document the evening. There were more “Just” people than hashers.
WHO SHOWED UP:
Cherry Poppins, Fiber Opdick, Goes Down Often, He’s A Lesbian, Little Red Riding Wood, Piss Cycle, Post Anal Drip, Mediocre & Stupid, Sextra Credit, Raidr, Rear Engineer, Scooby Snatch, Skin Fiddle, Two Clump Chump, Up Her Ali, Just Jillian, Just Pat, Just K, Just Patricia, Just Rick, Just Lisa, and Just Kim.
Before anyone could even think about drawing straws, both Mediocre & Stupid and Goes Down Often jumped up and VOLUNTEERED to hare. “We’ve been planning it for EVER!” M&S cheerfully told us, while a more pragmatic GDO merely shrugged and said, “Hey, we needed to bust our cherries.” I think it was that last phrase that stopped us dead in our tracks. CHERRIES? Didn’t they lose them when they joined our little group?
Before anyone could voice the suggestion that they have a more experienced hare chaperone them, they grabbed the flower and off they went… only to be stopped by one of us yelling to get back and leave marks for the chalk talk. M&S made a big effort to whisper in my ear the name of the bar they were planning on doing the beer stop at. She seemed hesitant, though. Maybe it was the ear hairs I’m starting to sport, who knows. Damn genetics. Thanks, Mom!
Where was I? Oh yeah…
THE TRAIL:
Up Her Ali, Fiber Opdick, and I decided to walk to the beer stop. Along the way, Fiber and I enthralled Ali while we talked shop. Enthralled means making one’s eyes glaze over, doesn’t it?
Anyway, our fears of having two inexperienced hares were apparently founded. How badly? The best comparison I can give is handing a two year old a box of crayons, a coloring book, and leaving them in an empty room with a bottle of Schmirnov’s. You just know the walls are going to look great later.
I’m not saying it was a BAD trail, I mean at least we could read it. They had a False right around the corner, followed by a dollop of flower a half a block later. Was it a False False? We knew we were on trail because there was a mark in between almost every sidewalk crack. Wow. On some trails we can never even find the marks. I realize now, it’s because they all went here. Periodically, we saw the pack run around a block up ahead, then back down another block again, further on. It reminded me of the chase scenes in the old Scooby Doo cartoons, really.
After passing a check, an arrow and another false over a check we found a blessed mark that looked like an FN, but it was apparently a Beer Near not entirely filled in. We had the bar in site, as well as the hares running TOWARDS us, joined by Rear Engineer. We yelled a half-hearted “ON HARE!” but were too lazy to actually try to catch them. I mean they ran right into us, with sad looks on their faces.
"Why?" You ask?
Well, let me tell you, and let this be a note for all you hashers out there. If you carry ANYTHING at all on your person, CARRY YOUR FLIPPIN DRIVER’S LICENSE! (or your passport for all you world travelers or DWI convicts out there). I mean seriously, this is like the umpteenth time a decent beer near has been ruined because the owners carded us. We all know we don’t allow minors in our hash (There isn’t a mine within a hundred miles of Philly, and besides, their lighted helmets just look dorky), but apparently no one else does. I know that shorts and sweatpants are notoriously devoid of pockets, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t stick our ID in our socks or something. Come on, people! This isn’t a covert op, we’re running here, although the State Department will deny knowledge of us (I found this out in Belgium). OK, enough said on this matter.
Back to the retard twins fucked up, err, I mean back to M&S and GDO’s first attempt at laying trail. We suggested that they just put an “ON IN” and cut their losses, but they didn’t listen and, not knowing they could have crossed the railroad tracks, ran the trail over the previously laid trail, which meant that if E and Strappy showed up late as always, they would be running in circles, and don’t even dare THINK about what would happen if Cause were on trail.
We walked back to the bar, and still managed to beat the hares in, to find Skin Fiddle waiting for us as well as the special on wings and pitchers. Did I mention it was $4 pitchers of EVERYTHING, even the high-end stuff like Guinness? We gorged ourselves on wings and fries, and eventually the rest of the pack sauntered in.
CIRCLE:
HARES: Mediocre & Stupid, Goes Down Often
VIRGINS: Just Rick, and Just Pat, 2 Clump made them cum (Someone else was a virgin, but refused to drink, not even water. Guess we won’t be seeing her again)
FIRST IN / LAST IN: Sextra Credit / Pisscycle
AUTOHASHERS: Cherry Poppins, Fiber Opdick, He’s A Lesbian, Raidr, Just Kim, Skin Fiddle, Scooby Snatch, Up Her Ali,
CUMS LATELIES: Just Brian, He’s A Lesbian
ACCUSATIONS:
He’s A Lesbian, for having GQ pics on his phone
The Hares, for mistaking another SEPTA stop for Manayunk
Two Clump Chump, for picking them up
Piss Cycle, for having a heart rate monitor.
The Hares; for volunteering to lay their fucked up trail
Two Clump for telling his virgin something that escapes my memory, and He’s A Lesbian for the “When one On-Sec drinks rule.” (See why I forgot?)
Mediocre & Stupid; for asking, “What’s an On-Sec?”
With that, we finished the pitchers, and staggered on home, another chapter in our sordid tale complete.
OVERHEARD AT THE HASH
“Where’s Bonners at?” – unk hasher
“Shut the fuck up!” -Mediocre & Stupid, responding to the above.
“Oh they use the Baht in Thailand.”- Skin Fiddle
“You know the currency in Thailand by heart? That scares me.”-unk Hasher.
… doesn’t Thailand use baht?
Yes, they do and its been corrected. Thank you, Miss Helper!
[...] came in her hand. If you remember–and I try not to–the last time Medi-Stu laid trail, bad things happened. But everyone gets a second chance in the BFM; only this time she was forced to hare with East [...]