BFM #264 Green Dress Pre-lube
as told by Mr. Snuffleupamuff
I was a little intimidated by beginning my foray into the glorified position of Onsec. After all, the other three Onsecs work for publishers. Quite the opposite, I work for the Federal government. I can’t tell you exactly what I do because bad things would happen to you, but let’s just say that if Jules Winnfield was able to get creative with his work, I could as well. Ah heck, who am I kidding? I couldn’t even show up with a working pen. So Cherry Poppins lent me her fabulous school teacher pen, but then pulled a George Costanza by leaving the bar without it (she’ll end up calling me on a Friday night to come by and "get the pen.")
As we waited for all the wankers to show up we discussed the important social issues, such as, “what will Working Girl be wearing Saturday? The ladies anticipated feasting their eyes on his calves. Would he again be running in the pumps that resulted in his spontaneous naming at last year’s Green Dress Hash? Sloppy Ho discussed her fellowship coming to an end and she needs to start applying for other positions. She’s hoping that some of us will write her letters of referral. You can text her at 803-409-9966.
Knowing that Clump Clump Chump was haring was a little intimidating as well. In regard to laying trail, he is similar to the energizer bunny in that he keeps going and going and going… He’s small and furry like the energizer bunny too.
But tonight was going to be a big night leading up to the St Patty’s day events. There were prospects of bountiful tail. Where else can you spend just $7 to get a good buzz and a warm body to grope?
Who came to Westy’s:
Nappy Headed Ho, Subcuntinent, Hold the Sausage, Cleavage to Beaver, Assventura, Just Theresa, Sxtracredit, Beefcakesstrokenoff, Target, Softcore Analyst, Sloppy Ho, Wonder Blow, Dr. Squealgood, Cause for Blindness, Like the Hard One, Just Ron, Major Piece of Ass, Pooper Trooper, Mediocre&Stupid, S&M Man, Rear End Loader, Gritty Kitty, Mayor Quimby, Midnight Tranny to GA, Fiber Opdick, Well Hung Jury, Cunting Season, Just Greg, Swollen Cockpit, Gomez, Just Jill, Where’s My Vag!na, Flounder, Just Andy, Goatf*cker, Son of a Goatf*cker, Save a Horse Ride a Tuba, Brokeback Pipe, Scamming Old Ladies, Jingle Ballzzzzzz, Mother Bates, Three Balls, Attilla the Hung, Raginal Discharge, Mr. Snuffleupapen
Nappy Headed Ho, Subcuntinent, Hold the Sausage, Cleavage to Beaver, Assventura, Just Theresa, Sxtracredit, Beefcakesstrokenoff, Target, Softcore Analyst, Sloppy Ho, Wonder Blow, Dr. Squealgood, Cause for Blindness, Like the Hard One, Just Ron, Major Piece of Ass, Pooper Trooper, Mediocre&Stupid, S&M Man, Rear End Loader, Gritty Kitty, Mayor Quimby, Midnight Tranny to GA, Fiber Opdick, Well Hung Jury, Cunting Season, Just Greg, Swollen Cockpit, Gomez, Just Jill, Where’s My Vag!na, Flounder, Just Andy, Goatf*cker, Son of a Goatf*cker, Save a Horse Ride a Tuba, Brokeback Pipe, Scamming Old Ladies, Jingle Ballzzzzzz, Mother Bates, Three Balls, Attilla the Hung, Raginal Discharge, Mr. Snuffleupapen
Hares:
Holy F*ck as well as Clump Clump Chump
Holy F*ck as well as Clump Clump Chump
Virg!ns:
Just Keith and Just Kurt and Just Greg
The well marked trail took us around CenterCity and to a beer check at a decent bar with a wise-ass of an owner. And then on to another beer check down some steps and into a parking garage where a security guard spouted some incomprehensive words of, either encouragement or warning. I thought he was perhaps a former hasher, being the half-mind he is, but it turned out that he has been sober for 28 years now. {He ideally should have stopped drinking 68 years ago.}
Back at Westy’s the Mayor bought the Mob a round of shots in honor of his good buddy who moved on to better places. Forty-some shots later (and a lot of dollar bills) the energy was flowing for a circle.
FRB: Subcuntinent
DFL: Cause For Blindness
Visitors: Gritty Kitty from Jolly Roger H3 in Tampa, Rear End Loader from several of the DC Area Hashes, and Goat F*cker from a Hash out towards Left Coast.
Accusations: Clump Clump Chump for not dressing like a leprechaun, but rather dressing like a genie.
Dr. Squealgood for showing off fancy new gloves that have a pocket for a key.
Scamming Old Ladies for being nice to old ladies.
Medicore&Stupid for c-blocking the Republican Party.
Just Ron for smoking on trail.
Dr. Squealgood for showing off fancy new gloves that have a pocket for a key.
Scamming Old Ladies for being nice to old ladies.
Medicore&Stupid for c-blocking the Republican Party.
Just Ron for smoking on trail.
Mr. Snuffleupamuff for making fun of the parking garage security guard.
Assventura for running ahead of the pack to show off his butt.
Assventura for running ahead of the pack to show off his butt.
Son of a Goatf*cker for making Goatf*cker cum
Cums Lately: Atilla the Hung for getting engaged and avoiding the Hash. Pooper Trooper who we have not seen since Little F*cking Winkie invented hashing.
Sloppy Ho who brought all her Groupies into the circle.
B-day Side Sides:
Just Jill
Major Piece of Ass
Holy F*ck
Clump Clump Chump
Just Jill
Major Piece of Ass
Holy F*ck
Clump Clump Chump
Circle was closed and reopend for Scamming Old Ladies to drink out of his new shoes and so that our visitor Gritty Kitty could show off her mammary glands. And so Mother Bates could drink for having his hair cut too short.
Overheard at the hash:
Cleavage to Beaver – “They kicked me out of the Brownies for eating a Brownie.”
Cleavage to Beaver – “They kicked me out of the Brownies for eating a Brownie.”
Freakydeaky girl – “It’s a thousand shots!”
Mediocre&Stupid – “No-face rule.”
Sloppy – “Why are you wearing skirts?”
Freakydeaky boy – “I had a guy with a third nipple.”
Mediocre&Stupid – “No-face rule.”
Sloppy – “Why are you wearing skirts?”
Freakydeaky boy – “I had a guy with a third nipple.”
Raginal Discharge – “He’s wearing my dress this weekend. My dress!”
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Delightful trash! I enjoyed it through and through. You are quite hilarious, Muff!
Let me also say–for the record keepers out there–I was there! Anyone who might be keeping statistics in Excel, this counts as a hash that I was in attendance for. That is all. My comments are closed.
“Jingle Ballzzzzzz”? damn, i always thought it was “Jingle Ballzzz”. it’s hard to keep track o’ all dem zeez.
Aw, lovely. We have such a great group of On-Secs, with some very timely trash!
I think an accusation is in order for Muff changing the spelling of everyone’s names.
(to the tune of ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’)
Muff, the magic onsec
lived in Philly
And chased down through the city streets
after flour oftenly.
Lovely Reginal Discharge
liked that cretin, Muff,
And brung him Pabst and Miller Light
and other fancy stuff.
Together they hashed through live trail
with a mob debauched and ill,
And together stopped at the beer checks,
imbibing domestic swill.
And every hasher made sure
they each had a filled-up cup,
‘cause one wrote down what the hashers did
and the other dressed them up.
The vagina they shared in common,
it’s what their names were all about.
One’s name referred to going in
The other to coming out.
Muff the magic onsec
You know he’s living large:
getting free haberdashery
from the lovely R. Discharge.
CYHMN,
Dude, that was histerical. Again and again. I never knew you were so talented. Very nice indeed.
very well put together CYHMNow! Loved it!