BFM# 265 Fill in the Blanks
Firstly: If you did attend the hash this week, I would like to apologize in case I said, did, or touched anything inappropriate. I had a midterm earlier that day and decided to celebrate by attempting to drink all the booze within arm’s reach.
Secondly: Plenty of people didn’t come to the hash, probably because they’d been struck down by the Great Green Dress Whooping Cough and Snot Epidemic of 2009. So, as a public health professional, I would like to take a moment to remind you all to wash your hands before you touch a hasher. Also, wash them after you touch a hasher. And use soap.
Thirdly: This is awesome.
Fourthly, some trash:
This week’s hash started out of Krupa’s in the Art Museum/Brewerytown section of the city. Showing up this week was Hold the Sausage, Cunting Season, The Rash, Rear Engineer, Goes Down Often, Cleavage to Beaver, Ass Ventura, Beefcake Strokitoff, Mr. Snuffleupamuff, Reginal Discharge, Short Distance Rimmer, Nappy Headed Ho, Fruit of the Clue, 2 Clump Chump, Mediocre and Stupid, Scooby Snatch, Stacks, Where’s My Vagina, Swollen Cockpit, Son of a Goat Fucker, Just Julie, H2Ho, Mother Bates, Post Anal Drip, Fire Down Under, Just Andy, Working Girl, and some virgin who was eventually lost on trail and never heard from again. Skin Fiddle also dropped by briefly, but sensibly decided that he was sick of us and left. I’m sure I missed some people, and I might have actually made a whole bunch of names up, too, because I can’t remember half you people being there. In the same vein, I have the following randomly written in my notes:
“Hilter Reacts to the Hash”
“Half-Naked”, with little stars around it
Something about Muff, and orgy, and a miniskirt.
Yeah. If anyone can explain what those mean and why I wrote them down, that would be great.
Moving on. Reginal Discharge pulled the short straw, and Nappy Headed Ho chivalrously went to lay trail with her.I have no idea where trail went, but everyone came back visibly freaked out by the appearance of two people, standing silently in the woods alongside the Schuykill River Path, not doing anything, just standing and staring bemused at the jolly whooping hordes of hashers running by, (I guess), before they presumably disappeared back in to the woods to follow their bliss.
Back at the bar, Scooby and Hold the Sausage assembled the circle:
- Hares: Reginal Discharge, Mr. Snuffleupamuff
- Comes Latelies: Stacks
- Autohashers: Cunting Season, The Rash, and a cast of thousands
- First In, Last In: Muff, Swollen Cockpit
Accusations:
- Reginal Discharge, for something I can’t read at all.
- Cunting Season, for wine in the circle
- Swollen Cockpit, for athleticism
- 2 Clump Chump, for finding shitty trail
- Rear Engineer, for losing control of the circle
- Mother Bates, for something Green Dress related
- Hold the Sausage and Short Distance Rimmer, for running, then autohashing.
- Where’s My Vagina, for something beginning with the letter “b”
- Stacks and Muff, Hash crash.
- Fruit of the Clue, for putting his whole family in a bathtub and taking pictures of it.
- Scooby Snatch, for yelling On On in the style of Journey
- Working Girl, for impersonating a Jew
- Rear Engineer, The Rash, and Goes Down Often for racism at the Caesar Rodney half marathon.
Announcements:
Cunting Season is haring this Saturday’s Philly Hash
Someone had some serious BO in the circle.
Happy St. Joseph’s Day!
Overheard at the Hash
Random hasher 1: “They were making out at the bar together!”
Random hasher 2: “That was my sister."
On On,
The Rash
Funny how The Rash was so eager to write the Trash for that evening and yet so easily screwed up reporting the event. For that, she deserves the following correction:
Raginal Discharge and Nappy Headed Ho were hares, –
Muff was not in a hash crash but Swollen Cockpit was, –
Just Jason is the v!rgin who is lost on trail (presumably hanging out in the woods with those two creepy people, –
We had a naming tonight. Just Andy ran out of TP at an inopportune time on a date and thus was named and will be forever known as Sh!tty Date.
His favorite farm animal is SHEEP.
~On on to The detox!
1. You, Muff, did not want to write the trash.
2. Reading the trash for veracity is like watching Fox News for its fair and balanced reporting style.
3. Bitch, please.
Any info on where the next hash will be? Anyone from Philly drinking tonight? Let me know at william.chitty@gmail.com
On-On
Lizzardo