It’s funny how all winter long, we have an absurdly active hash; people won’t quit cumming. But as soon as spring hits, everyone decides now is a good time to autohash. Pansies. The whole lot of ya, pansies…

Here’s why:

The only ones with the balls to show up: Fruit of the Clue, Fire Down Under, Where’s My VaJayJay, The Rash, Cause For Flounder, Daddy’s Dick, Lizzardo, Clump Clump Chump, Sextra Credit, Target, Softcore Analyst, Scooby Snatch, Post Anal Drip, Dr. Squeal Good, He’s a Lesbian, Midnight Tranny, Elmo, Mayor Quimby, Rear Engineer

Some visitor pulled the short straw, and The Rash saw it as her opportunity to run with someone moderately quick, unlike the rest of YOU PANSIES. So, out the door they went. Where they headed next is anyone’s guess. The pack went out in pursuit, but since it was rainy and cold, we gave up three blocks south of Washington. Please note: We started three blocks north of Washington. An impromptu pit stop later at Shamrock Pub–funded by Scooby, henceforth known as moneybags–and the group was more done than your mom. After that, we headed back to the bar and called it a night. Unforch for The Rash and Lizzardo, no one bothered to let the hares know. When they finally finished throwing flour around South Philly, they came back and we had…

Circle:
Hares: The Rash, Lizzardo
Virgins: I don’t see no stinkin’ virgins
Visitors: Lizzardo, Daddy’s Dick
Comes Latelies: Target, He’s a Lesbian
Autohashers, ahemPANSIESahem: Lesbian, Squeal Good, Target, Cause for Flounder, Tranny, Elmo, Quimby and a crap load of others
First In, Last In: Clue, Cause

Accusations:

I apparently I like women, a crime for which I had to drink, as well as Fire and Lesbian.
I run too much, so I drank; so did Lesbian for when one lesbian…
For some reason that I didn’t write down, I had to drink again, and so did Lesbian, The Rash and Lizzardo. (On a side note, thanks for getting me drunk for $7.)

Announcements:
There was a party at Sextra Credit’s. If you were there, you probably saw Post Anal’s anal; if not, too bad!

Philly Runners have challenged us to a beer mile. We lost last year. I cannot accept a repeat performance. It’s April 25. Start running, cuz we all know it’s not the beer chugging that’s gonna be a problem. There is also trash talking to be had. Do it here.

Bruce-a-palooza is coming up. I’d tell you when to mark your calendars, but I can’t read my handwriting. Oops. I think it’s in June, but it might also be July… or January.

After that, people stole my notes, and the rest turned into penis drawings and quotes from me. For the record, I will never have enough hash beer to quote myself. Never.

Here’s what other drunk people said:

“You don’t have to go to prison to know if you like fucking in the ass.” Unk hasher

“I got the hot blonde bitch… How am I human or cylon?” Unk hasher number two

“You’ll always be my poopy anal beads girl.” I have no idea who said this, but it wasn’t copied down in my handwriting.

“Wow, I can clear a room like a bad fart.” He’s a Lesbian

P.S. Only three more hashes until BFM #2SixtyNine! Woot, woot!