You would think that since Spring was here it would be warmer. But no. I was whining the whole way to the Hash about how cold it was. I arrived at Callahan’s on South Street to find a fellow hasher breathing heavy all over a v!rgin. I looked around for V!rgin Pimp only to find him outside talking on the cell phone to a loved one. My, how times do change! I was only away for two weeks, but where did all these new faces come from? Where was Little F’ing Winkie, E=My C0ck Squared, Can You Hear Me Now, Eauropee’n On Me, Nice Nuggets Fat Ass, Popeye’s B!tch, Strap On and Nappy Headed Ho? Sigh… but wait, here come our faithful RAs, Hold The Sausage and Scooby Snatch. Okay things are warming up. As I made the rounds introducing myself to the 20-some people that I did not recognize, the short straw was drawn by Dr. Squealgood and Midnight Trany To Georgia.

 

The trail was actually pretty good. I was FRB as usual. The Mob got lost on train tracks as usual. And we made our way around the Graduate South neighborhood until we came upon a beer check at the Yellow Bar. There was no way of knowing that the name of the bar was Yellow Bar unless you lived across the street with the Ho’s at the Naval Square Condos (which miraculously is no where near the navy yard). Most eateries and watering holes have a gimmick to draw customers in and the Yellow Bar’s gimmick was to serve beer in 4 oz tea cups. Pretty trendy.

 

After 20 minutes of sipping with our pinkies out, we ran on-in to Callahan’s which turned out to be around the corner. Attention harriers and harriett’s – this is one of the cheapest bars around, with $7 pitchers! And we halfminds purchased 30 of those pitchers for the…..

 

 

Hares: Dr. Squealgood and Midnight Tranny To Georgia

FRB: Mr. Snuffleupamuff

DFL: Cause For Blindness

V!rgin: Just Melissa (friends from China made her come)

Visitors: Dublin D!ck from the Hockessin H3 and Taste My Rainblow from the Hillbilly H3

 

Who else came? Just Patrick, He’s a Lesbian, Attila the Hung, Scooby Snatch, Little Red Riding Wood, Flounder, Hold the Sausage, Swollen Cockpit, Just Derrick, Just Rachel, Big Tackle, Working Girl, Just Tom, Just Jill, Tickle My Elmo, Silence Of The Clams, V!rgin Pimp, Cleavage To Beaver, Just Gregg, Subcuntinent, Beef Cakes Strokenoff, Deep Discunt, Ass Ventura, One Inch In, Son Of A Goatfcker, Reginal Discharge, Raidr, H2Ho, Holly Fck, Just Keith, Short Distance Rimmer, Rear Engineer, Hold The Sausage, Heave Ho, Two Clump Chump, Tight Lips, Pink & Puffy Rides The Huffy, Major Piece of Ass, Up Her Ali, Just Rick, The Rash, Mediocre & Stupid, Cousin It and some name I cannot read that looks like Swff.

 

Accusations:

There was plenty of drinking to do, so to lead of the circle our v!rgin was made to drink. And our religious advisor, Hold The Sausage called in everyone who had ever visited China to partake in the downdown. Impressively, half the Mob had ventured to China or had gotten stabbed there.

Then H2Ho (being the rocket scientist he is) was accused of downing a beer with a hat on. And of course when one Ho drinks….all Ho’s drink.

And when one bald hasher drinks….

And when one lesbian drinks…

And when one flip-flop wearing hasher drinks….

(This is where the 30 pitchers came in handy)

Mediocre & Stupid was accused of farting in circle

Cleavage To Beaver was accused of enjoying the fart

V!rgin Pimp for having food in the circle

And when one v!rgin drinks….

The RA’s were accused of not calling out the Cumslatelys

He’s A Lesbian was accused of commissioning a rendering of his bust for the wall of the bar.

And then the New Shoe Nazi (aka Scooby Snatch) accused our v!rgin for wearing new shoes to a hash. She boldly declared that the shoes were not new, but that she would drink a beer out of them anyway. And naively she did. The Shoe Nazi circled the crowd looking for his next victim and hollered out my name in a gleeful accusation. But the brew had altered his state of mind, as the shoes I was wearing were already drunk from last February and still have the tea colored stain to show for it.

At which point the circle was out of control (more so than the previous thirty minutes) and our grand master ordered the circle closed. Truth be told, Rear Engineer was dying to play flip cup. Callahan’s is one of the few bars that allow one to play drinking games. And Callahan’s even purchased fancy new tables for the games. And thus I snuck out into the brisk night before I could be sucked into a game that would surely have me looking like something the cat drug in.  

 

 

Thursday April 23

Several hashers are volunteering there time by getting the kids off the street. In support of this effort, they are hosting a charity happy hour. Here’s your chance to do some good by coming out to socialize prior to the 7:30 (8pm) Hash. Both the happy hour and the Hash are scheduled to be held in the same area. A $10 donation at the door gets you FREE FOOD and $3 Blue Moons or Coors Lights; $4 wine; $5 Mangotinis or Lemonades.

When: Thur April 23 from 5:30 to 8:00 (prior to Hash)

Where: Public House 1801 Arch St (near the Hash)

Sunday May 3^rd   Sly Fox Brewery Goat Races are coming up, so if you have a goat, register it now.  See the email that Up Her Ali just sent out.

Saturday June 27^th: Bruceapalooza hosted by Mayor Quimby. It’s such a popular event, he had to create a website for it: www.bruce-a-palooza.com but due to the economic downturn he had to lay off the webmaster who is in charge of updating the site.

 Overheard at the hash:

“Save a horse, ride a tuba”

“I’m with mediocre and stupid”

 

 

Leave a Reply

Name (required)

Mail (will not be published) (required)

Website