X does not mark the trail
After showing Kansas Dan (who supposedly also goes by Wizard of Ass) and Where’s My Vag how to operate the subway system ("First you put $2.90 in the machine…") I rolled into the Starboard Side in Fishtown. Why we were in Fishtown, I have not a clue. Some things will always be a mystery. Fortunately, we weren’t alone. I like to roll with a crowd about 40 deep, and this week that included: Midnight Tranny, Kansas Dan, Just Bill, Second Cumming, Mother Bates, Snap Off, Sextra Credit, Just Mom, Just Dad, Cause for Flounder, Rash of the Rear, Just Derek, Deep Discunt, Swollen Cockpit, STD, Short Distance Rimmer, Son of a Goat F*cker, SubCuntinent, Where’s My Vag, Post Anal Drip, Two Clump Chump, Just Laura, Big Tackle, One Inch In, Just Tom (or Fake Pat), Orangubang, Just Holly, Mr. Snuffupamuff, Three Balls, Raginal Discharge, Mediocre and Stupid, H2Ho, Dr. Squealgood, Just Kabul, Wild Bill, Skin Fiddle, Jingle Ballzzz and Under Snatch.
I don’t think anyone had a clue what we were getting into when we agreed to show up this far from Center City. I’m guessing most expected a quick tour of the block and a drive by of The Rash‘s before heading on in. We got neither–though I did hear that there may have been a drive by. The police report is still pending. Instead, we got what may have been the fastest-paced hash of the year in what was definitely the hottest weather. People::ahemRimmerahem::even went topless. In anticipation of the nudity and an effort to keep us from looking like street walkers, the hare kept check hanging a minimum by replacing our favorite mark with true trail. Let’s just say that if Holy Fuck wanted to do speed work, she could have.
After a few miles of sprinting–no one wanted to get left behind in the wilds of Port Fishington–we ended up under 95 with the promise of beer near, where we were rewarded for our bravery. There was plenty of warm Bud Light outnumbered only by meth addicts and falling hunks of highway. After we had our fill of strange looks from drug dealers and undercover cops, the mob headed the couple of blocks back for…
Circle:
Before we dive into the chaos that was the circle, let’s take a second and thank our now fully dressed temporary RA, Rimmer. He stepped in when his much prettier half and Scooby couldn’t be bothered. Bastards. If it hadn’t been for him, we would have had to endure a Cause circle, and no one wants that–not even Flounder.
The Hare: The Rash
The Virgins: Just Holly (Just Derek), Just Mom (Sextra Credit), Just Dad (Sextra Credit) In case there’s any confusion, yes, Sextra made her parents come.
The Visitor: Orangubang from H5
The FRB: GDO (and Rash and Rimmer for when one On Sec. Apparently Rimmer does it all. Who knew?)
The DFLs: Rear Engineer (and Big Tackle for when one GM)
Cums Latelys: STD, Three Balls, Snap Off, Wild Bill
Autohashers: Raginal Discharge, Big Tackle, One Inch, Skin Fiddle, Jingle Ballzzz
Accusations:
For being ridiculous over-achieving ass clowns: Rear Engineer and Snap Off
For being not as ridiculous, but still racists: The entire friggin Mob (darn that Broad Street…)
For getting a job: Skin Fiddle
For being a woman AND a land owner (She must be a witch! Burn her!): Sextra Credit
Side-side-a-polooza: One Inch In, Deep Discunt and Just Laura (I believe there was talk of a birthday three way. I’m waiting for pictures.)
And with that, we were out of hash beer and cups. Have no fear; we moved on and used pitchers as drinking vessels. Nothing like a wide mouth for drinkability.
Announcements:
May 22nd – Mediocre and Stupid continues to live up to her name, but she’s now also old, too. (Renaming?) Celebrate her reaching the quarter-century mark with a bar crawl. The drunkeness starts at XIX at 9.
June 11th – BFM 5th Annual Prom. Start shopping for a date now.
If you haven’t paid Discharge for your shorts, stop being a cheapskate. You owe that woman some coin!
Overheard:
"That’s why I drink… because of the two of them." Anonymous female hasher
"Whose tits do you want to see? Mine or his?" Cause
"You’re still sticky, and I want more!" Swollen Cockpit
"The best ones are always kind of stupid." Just Kabul
On, On,
Goes Down Often
if only the name “Craigolicious” stuck as well as “Kansas Dan” has my work here would be finished.
Also congrats to skin fiddle!
Number one Shame on you, nerd nickname in the trash. “Kansas Dan” was named Wizard of Ass in the freezing cold of Westy’s parking lot. http://bfm.phillyhash.com/trash/2008/03/bfm-210%E2%80%93-guess-who%E2%80%99s-back-back-again/
Also feel free to write the hash number on the top of the trash .(see every previous trash for example)
Hey, hey, hey Captain Corrector! WoA got his shout out in the first sentence. What I did learn from your link though is that I’m not the only one who calls you Two Pump. Who knew?!?!
Strictly speaking, meth addicts are found up at Castor, along with the street-walking Kensington hookers. Port Fishington just sports weed-smoking kids and the outcall pro who lives on my block. But, yes, the part of 95 that’s collapsing, that’s ours.
Maybe I’m making too big of a deal out of this, but why is it The Rash would not tell any of us where she lives?
My parole officers has to clear all my visitors first.